Teaching myself the hard way

I do think about them. One of my drawings is of a woman holding her starving child. It was part of my human suffering series.

 

Is it self-punishment or responsibility?

If it's self-punishment, I would borrow from friends.

If it's responsibility, then I would face the consequences of my actions with my head on high.

Or that's what I would strive toward.

 

Wow, so you draw? Can we see any of your work on here?

 

Hallucinations depend on the person and their experience... the fact is, we as humans can experience life in so many ways, if we focus our intention practically any experience can be beneficial to us. I don't feel sorry for you at all, you are of sound mind, you have people who care about you, you can take care of yourself and you can make this experience whatever you want... you can starve for a couple days miserably, you could be hungry for a couple days and punish yourself, you could hustle for food, you could heal yourself by trying something new to make up for the food you're not eating. You have many options, some people do not.

There's quite a few really good books on fasting... and I'm sure there's a lot you can find online too.. I'll brb with a couple recommendations.

 

I think you should have a savings account that automatically transfers money from your account each pay cheque to something you can't touch and spend in cash.

That way, you'll always have some money put aside to have access to when you actually NEED it.

 

Just borrow the fucking money. It is just money and there is absolutely no reason to 'punish' yourself.
That is a lame Buddhist/hippie thing to do. Just live and be alive instead of crying in a corner.