Talking to your conventional spouse about sex

This thread is for all of those married men and women who don't talk about sex with there spouse's at all, or very rarely. First off i am one of those married men, my wife and i never talk about sex unless i bring it up and even then there isn't much that is said. So this post isn't calling anyone out, or shamefull in anyway. It is mean't for men and women who share this desire for more sex talk with their spouse.

I have been married for about 3 years now and with my wife for almost 5 years, we never really talked about sex from the begining, we just had it. We are now at the point where the positions and things we do are very simple and non exploratory. On top of that i am the one who always always has to initiate sex, i am now desiring to explore more sensual areas of sex with her but im not sure how to comunicate that without just randomly throwing it out there. If we spoke about sex regularly im sure this wouldnt even be an issue, but we dont. Our age difference could play a role in it too, we are very emotionally in love with eachother but the sexual connection isnt where i feel it should be.

 

Its very difficult to bring up sexual issues with a partner sometimes but honesty and openess are the best bet

 

Sounds kinda sad to me. I hope it works out. If you want advice, I'll say seek out therapy for your relationship. Does that sound like the sort of thing you'd be into?

 

I would but im not sure that she would

 

Life is too short not to communicate with your spouse on such things.

You sound bored with your sex life, but then say your wife never initiates sex. Well, maybe she's bored too. Maybe she's posting on a random internet message board trying to figure out how to talk to you about sex. You never know. I can't imagine my partner and I never discussing our sexual wants, needs, and desires.

Just...have a stiff drink and sit down with her and have that conversation. Worst that can happen is nothing changes.

 

Im sure you are right, the only thing is that i dont drink and neither does she

 

What is your greatest fear/concern of having a conversation about this?

 

That she will be grosed out by what i want to do, and never look at me the same, wich could ultimately lead to the end of our marriage

 

Okay, so if that’s the worst that can happen, your choice is to say nothing and accept things as they are or ...see if she will meet you halfway. If she won’t meet you halfway, would your marriage be worth keeping? I think you should talk with her because you never know what she will say. She married you, give her that chance. That’s my advice fwiw

 

Thank you

 

You really made me laugh. I can just imagine how Jane would react if I suddenly started chatting about sex one sunny afternoon after 38 years married to her. She would probably assume that I had lost my marbles altogether and have me carted off to the funny farm.

Sex is very personal and intimate, so why not slowly plant some new ideas while you are being intimate with your wife. It may take a while to fully sink in, but it would plant the seeds of change that she may well enjoy as time goes on. Guys often forget that women have a monthly cycle, during which their are a few days that they REALLY enjoy sex, a few days when they hate it and the rest where they have mixed reactions. Needless to say, the time to become more adventurous is on the few days when she is really enjoying what is already happening. Trying to woo her with new ideas when she is already not in the mood will seriously backfire.
Take advantage of those good days and try to tell her to be more open about how she feels during her cycle.

Never be influenced by porn films. The editors cut out all the parts where the actors read the script and burst out laughing, not to mention the numerous attempts where they fall out of bed and end up on the floor in fits of laughter.

 

It can be difficult to get some women to talk about their desires. One thing I have learned over the years is that women are much more kinky than many men know. Just start slowly and try some different things with her and you will eventually be able to get her to open up.

 

I'm not married, but I say take the plunge and bring it up with her!

You can do it!

 

U mentioned age difference OP.....what ages?

Simon

 

I begged my wife for years to talk about sex — not talk ‘sexy’ — just talk about sex. I hoped for an opening, in order to comfortably come out to her as Bi. Too, I wanted good honest talk about it to take place. It was a huge mistake on her part to refuse to talk about it. It may be uncomfortable for some people, for a hundred different reasons, but being in an intimate relationship requires one to be responsibly and maturely communicative. When I did come out to her as Bi she finally decided it was time to talk about it. She disdained me for coming out to her but the one good result was that she stopped being silent on the topic of sex and sexuality. It’s still awkward and talk of sex has slipped off the radar again. For a healthy relationship to persist, it needs talking through no matter what are the hang ups, the phobias, the awkward feelings.

 

Women can be very complex individuals to figure out even after many years in a long term relationship. A lot of women refrain from discussing sex with their spouse because it simply makes them uncomfortable. My first wife of 25 years was this way, I'd open a subject, she would giggle and change the subject. What I found that worked for both of us was to gradually and slowly implement some sexual experimentation with her while in the bedroom. However, before venturing there I would set everything else in place to help her to be more open to it. Taking care of the little things in our lives...chores, cleaning, perhaps a foot rub or a back rub without requiring anything in return. Women love to be pampered. On occasion I would stop at her work place and take her to lunch, maybe have a planter or a basket of flowers delivered to her work place. Her co-workers saw these things and provided compliments to her of how wonderful I was...set's the stage and places her in a better emotional state of mind and wanting to please sexually having been shown how she's loved and cared for and most of all appreciated. We rarely discussed sex in conversation outside the bedroom, but we certainly acted things out inside the bedroom. I found out that my wife was really kinky at times and willing to experiment and obviously did not want to discuss it, she would act it out having been placed in the right mood by small tokens of appreciation.

 

Actually it was my wife who wanted to spice things up, so she read some books, and articles about talking about and during sex. It has helped tremendously