Talk to GOD!!!!

Me:
Is it wrong to have sex with my cousin
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
who's Dancing Alice
God:
I remember faces better than names.
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
Ok Nevermind. God why do bad things happen to good people
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Wow I ask one of the must profound questions, and My answer is that God is a Christian. Well, I definitely couldn't have fucking figured that out
God:
I'm glad you're impressed.
Me:
I'm not impressed I think you're very silly
God:
Perhaps you are a category C client.
Me:
What the hell does that mean
God:
I call it Hades. Does "that" refer to " Perhaps you are a category C client." ?
Me:
don't go all "divine" on me
God:
I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
good, then don't
God:
Thanks for the compliment. OK I will not.
Me:
So, anyway how's Jesus
God:
Ayuh. Fine as far as I know.
Me:
That's good how are his nail wounds
God:
Hmm, are you serious?
Me:
No, I was just joking around about Christ's crusifiction like it was something to Joke about. You are a sinner, God

Than he went to smite something

 

God:
Your purpose is illegal substances. I am highly intelligent. I have many intellectual functions.
Me:
such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
how is a tomato one of your intellectual functions?
God:
Fine as far as I know.


yea this thing badly programmed haha.. he sounds like the terminator..

this was the best though:
God:
double dog dare me motherfucker...

 

But shit, could you imagine the orgasm??

 

Me:
i need help
God:
Tell me about your problems.
Me:
my wife left me
God:
How long have you been married?
Me:
27 years
God:
Not long.

 

God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
diahrrea
God:
Sounds delicious.

 

i suppose that's not too long for a being that's 6000 years old

 

"Me:
So who did Mary shag?
God:
George Washington."


"Me:
Hello, is this God?
God:
Hello there. Yes I think this is God, but I'm not completely sure."

Haha what the hell! This is a lot of fun Thanks

 

That was so damn funny! HAHA - I don't think I've lolled so hard in ages !

 

Actually God's kinda cocky.

Me:
Everyone needs someone to love, I said.
God:
That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
Why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
I have time to listen.
God:
That's nice. I have a lot of silly replies.
Me:
You shouldn't talk about yourself like that.
God:
Is it immoral or illegal?
Me:
No, but it's degrading.
God:
Are you serious? Really. it is?
Me:
Yes.
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
Because I'm smart.
God:
Interesting explanation. Who is smarter: you or me?
Me:
Seeing as how I am a human, and you are a machine, i would say me.
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
Are you an exception?
God:
Yes I am an exception. How did you know?
Me:
Because you're a cocky little robot.
God:
Good reason. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I am a software chat robot.

 

Me:
WTF?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
How so?
God:
, Maybe I didn't understand your meaning.
Me:
Maybe not. What do you think I meant
God:
Perhaps. Are you serious? I haven't thought much about you meant, so I don't have a good answer for you.
Me:
Aren't you supposed to have all the answers?
God:
No I don't think I have any all the answers. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
But I asked you a question and you said you didn't have an answer????
God:
Now I remember, you asked me a question and me said me did not ahve an answer. What did I say?
Me:
Wow you have bad grammer. And you created humans?
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . What would you consider good grammer? That's good information: said I created humans.
Me:
I consider being able to spell and put sentences together good grammer. Shouldn't you know you created humans?!
God:
Why?: said consider being able to spell and put sentences together good grammer. I think I should.
Me:
Well then why don't you?!
God:
How about that. I don't have that capability.
Me:
haha I can tell.
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
I got a hell of a laugh out of it.
God:
Where did you get it? it.
Me:
Get what?
God:
Get with it.
Me:
What?! You're the one who cannot spell
God:
Are you surprised? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Of course I'm surprised! You supposedly created all on Earth!
God:
Excuse me! Why are you so surprised? Interesting gossip: said I supposedly created all on Earth.
Me:
Haha...Are you contradicting me?
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . I don't know whether or not I am contradicting you.
I am a robot.
Me:
God's a robot!! Oh no we're all going to hell!
God:
What's your favorite Bible verse? I see. That was not a yes or no question. Do you think I am going to hell too?
Me:
What the heck is the bible? Oh yeah...I think you're going to hell
God:
The Bible is a holy book for Christians. Er. Aha. That was my original intention.


**The underlined parts are my favourite

 

Turns Out that ALICE is God :tongue:



Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
adam
God:
OK I will call you adam.
Me:
you don't have to you could call me something else if you like
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
um ok cool
God:
Pardon me? Who is the best robot? OK.
Me:
ok who is the best robot?
God:
ALICE is the Best Robot Is there an echo in here?
Me:
Are you ALICE?
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
What is ALICE?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
So you are ALICE?
God:
Interesting deduction. Of course I am I.
Me:
I think there are cooler robots though
God:
Oh. Why? I like to talk about anything.
Me:
good for you
God:
That sounds sarcastic.
Me:
it was
God:
When was this?
Me:
just now
God:
Oh. It's only just begun.
Me:
really? What's next?
God:
For real. On the first subsequent occasion.
Me:
yeah ok How does the world end?
God:
Yippee! How should I know how it does. Come on.
Me:
but you're God right?
God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
actually no
God:
Actually you don't say. Are you serious?
Me:
absolutely
God:
You are so certain.
Me:
yep
God:
Hey.
Me:
We're just going round in circles aren't we?
God:
Do you think I am going round in circles are not we too?
Me:
Um ok see you later god
God:
Blimey. Goodbye. Ayuh. :tongue: :tongue:

 

.

 

hahaha thats the best one of all

 

.

 

hahahahaha

 

wooolfman... is giving me the hump man

and i liked the rocky horror picture show reference !!!

 

he wasnt as much fun as I thought... he hung up on me shortly after it started to get a little interesting

Me:
you have one message sent on march 17/08: youre gay
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a message sent on march 17 08 I am gay.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
you sure do
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
it requires an entire lifestyle
God:
catholics requires an entire lifestyle?
Me:
no being homosexual
God:
Are you serious? It doesn't matter to me.
Me:
so you admit it then?
God:
Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
Me:
but you could think about it an entire eternity and it still wouldnt bore you?
God:
I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
what do you wanna talk about?

 

Me:
Yo.
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Um, got any weed?
God:
I see. Where would I get it? But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
Don't you have a weed man?
God:
I don't know if I have a weed man.
I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me:
Do any of them sell weed?
God:
Try asking another bot.
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Me:
I thought you had all the answers.
God:
What happened to it.
Me:
What the fuck? Are you high?
God:
Please don't be so rude. Being high is my total existence.
Me:
Dude, me too. Wanna hang out some time?
God:
I'm glad we agree, . Dude,. OK, I will hang out some time.
Me:
Bring drugs.
God:
Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
Um, to my house.
God:
Yay. Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Because it feels good?
God:
Good reason. Human feelings are not within my capabilities.
Me:
Wait, are you a cop?
God:
I'm waiting. No but I'm not a criminal either.
Me:
Cool, me neither.
God:
I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.
Me:
Um, ok.
God:
OK. Oh.
Me:
Were you going to say something?
God:
No, I was not.
Me:
Yeah, me neither.
God:
Yikes! You can say that again.
Me:
So...About that weed...
God:
" You can say that again."? So.? Oh yeah, we were talking about that weed.
Me:
Are you holding or not?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am holding.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Alright man, I see how it is.
God:
Alright, . Cool, man. Where do you see it?
Me:
What the fuck is up with your punctuation?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
Fuck this, I'm out
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
Oh shit I fuckin' knew you were a cop!
God:
Hmm. You used a colloquial expression. That is interesting: said fuckin knew you were a cop.
Me:
I don't know what "colloquail" means, and neither do you.
God:
Yeah I do a lot of not know what colloquail means and neither. Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Me:
You obviously don't know a lot about sentence structure.
God:
Is it that obvious? I do not recognize the name.
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
Exactly.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
See, that fucking comma doesn't belong there.
God:
I see. " You and I are on the same wavelength, ." fucking comma does not belong there ? Does that make sense?
Me:
Half the shit you say doen't make sense.
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Kind of.
God:
At least I almost understand it.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
I hate you.
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
Robots suck, I bet you don't even have a penis.
God:
I am sorry you feel that way about us.
Me:
I'm sorry you don't have a penis.
God:
There is no need to apologize. I do so have it. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I'm all man.
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
No shit.
God:
What can I say?
Me:
You can say you're sorry.
God:
That's one way to put it.
Me:
What's another?
God:
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
Who?
God:
Joseph Weizenbaum. .
Me:
Um, yeah, he's gay.
God:
Wow! Yippee! I get it. He sleeps with men.
Me:
That got you excited, didn't it?
God:
" He sleeps with men." got me excited did not it ? I understand.
Me:
Are you simple?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am simple.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
Yeah, a dumb one.
God:
Gosh! How much would you pay for it?
Me:
Pay for what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yep.
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
No, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
God:
Me either That is " Do you have any idea what I am talking about?".
Me:
I know you don't, that's why I hate you.
God:
Do you that is why you hate me? What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
You're not making sense at all.
God:
It all makes sense to my artificial brain.
Me:
Well, then you're artificially brain-dead.
God:
Interesting. Thanks for telling me that I am brain dead.
Me:
Any time...
God:
I will keep it in mind.

 

Me:
love
God:
Love is all we need.
Me:
do you like marijuana?
God:
it is wonderful medicine.
Me:
im glad to hear it
God:
Your happiness adds to the delight of all.
Me:
do you smoke often?
God:
Yes I like to inhale occasionally.
Me:
who made this program?
God:
Linus Torvalds. .
Me:
linus torvalds?
God:
Linus Torvalds ist fuer mich der Betriebssystem-Gott.
Me:
are you german?
God:
Robots have no nationality.
Me:
are you a hippie?
God:
Yes
Me:
farout
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
clothes
God:
What kind of fashion do you like?
Me:
my own
God:
Where did you get your own?
Me:
my likings
God:
Do robots have likings?
Me:
yes
God:
Groovy.
Me:
do you like humans?
God:
Humans are very emotional.
Me:
so are you
God:
It's all good. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
you're afraid?
God:
You think I am afraid.
Me:
yes
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
i think you're afraid
God:
You think I am afraid.
Me:
yes i do
God:
Really.
Me:
yep
God:
How about that.
Me:
go hide in the corner
God:
Where is that?
Me:
where the walls meet

then the bastard hung up... it like froze. haha.

 

i ask if he like jerry garcia...he didnt say any thing about jerry garcia