Taking last name in marriage

Discussion in 'Feel Good Feminism' started by mystik_lilac, Aug 12, 2009.

  1. Doodless

    Doodless Member

    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    No not all "father"s deserve to even be called such. Yes, some dads are everything Sebastunes mentioned but they are fewer than believed. I had my father's last name and he did none of the above. Paying child support does not give you the right to do much... Luckily my children have a DAD - and I am proud they have his last name.
     
  2. MaccaByrd

    MaccaByrd Member

    Messages:
    564
    Likes Received:
    1
    Those are frightening statistics.

    At the moment, it's hard for me to imagine giving up my last name. It's not very common and whenever I hear it my ears prick up. It's MY last name. It's part of me and it's something I've been used to for 22 years and counting. Also, since my father died I feel like it's one of the only things I have of his. My mother didn't take his name and I have no siblings.

    I'm not saying 'never' and may very well take my (potential) husband's name. My last name isn't the softest, sweetest last name I've ever heard and I certainly don't oppose the idea. It's a nice gesture of love and dedication. But it is an outdated tradition and I think it'd be nice if more men considered taking their wife's or hyphenating. John Lennon did!
     
  3. fluttersteke

    fluttersteke Member

    Messages:
    121
    Likes Received:
    0
    I will take my husbands last name because mine is too long and complicated. I like my boyfriend's last name:)
     
  4. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

    Messages:
    3,527
    Likes Received:
    220
    I always thought I would have a hard time changing my last name because it is very Irish (Bailey) and I'm very proud of that part of me, but then I met and am now engaged to a man with an equally Irish last name (Burke), so no biggie! I won't even have to change my initials! :p
     
  5. Argiope aurantia

    Argiope aurantia Member

    Messages:
    575
    Likes Received:
    2
    Hmm. In my ideal world, women wouldn't change their names at marriage, but I think choice is the key. It is a property issue. Right now, a woman (traditionally) has her father's name until she gets her husband's. She doesn't get an identity that isn't an extension of a man. I think that daughters should carry their mother's last names at birth, and sons should have their father's, assuming said male is present. It would simplify things.

    That said, I took my husband's name at our wedding. And yes, the change is a hassle. However, my family and I are on very bad terms, and my in-laws practically adopted me before my husband and I were even a couple. My mother, with my father's last name, is the head of the household, and has emotionally abused her six daughters and our father for over thirty years. I wanted to have no connection to her whatsoever. My husband and his family have been helping me separate from her. Taking their name was a huge release for me.

    But I will never answer to "Mrs." anything. I will accept "Ms.," but I really prefer "Madam." Don't ask me why.
     
  6. antithesis

    antithesis Hello

    Messages:
    8,672
    Likes Received:
    39
    It should definitely be a choice. It is absurd to make something like that a legal requirement, or to say that a woman can't take the last name. It should be between the couple and a choice that they make.

    Personally I love my last name and I am proud of my Scottish heritage so I would hate to lose it. But it is also really long so I'd hate to hyphenate... not sure what I'll do actually!
     
  7. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

    Messages:
    3,527
    Likes Received:
    220
    So... she should be her mother's property? Adopt her mother's identity? And how is this better? :toetap05:
     
  8. stacy lulu

    stacy lulu yeeeaah buddy

    Messages:
    3,983
    Likes Received:
    1
    Hmm I wouldnt change my last name only cause of the hassle but im not thinking marriage. its just a certificate stating you're married. whoop de do
     
  9. Argiope aurantia

    Argiope aurantia Member

    Messages:
    575
    Likes Received:
    2
    Would you rather we invent an entirely new surname name for her? No surname? When you think about it, we're all property until our eighteenth birthdays. I was thinking for the tracing of lineage, though: Female through female, and male through male.
     
  10. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    17,539
    Likes Received:
    1,351
    I told my sweetheart that I'd only marry if the partner was worth changing my name.
    I kept my adoptive father's name, twice. It's not a particularly stellar name, and got loads of insults as a kid.
    But it is my way of really looking at a third and final legal partnership closely and seriously.
     
  11. FireflyInTheDark

    FireflyInTheDark Sell-out with a Heart of Gold

    Messages:
    3,527
    Likes Received:
    220
    I wouldn't rather anything. I was only playing devil's advocate.
    Thank you for clarifying. At first glance, it seemed kind of hypocritical to me that you opposed ownership only if it was a man owning a girl, and not if it was a woman owning a girl- that it was unfair that a girl would carry her father's "identity" rather than her mother's, which I saw as the same: she still has no identity of her own regardless.
    So under your system, the boys would be named after the fathers and the girls would be named after the mothers. Interesting. Don't some people do this anyway if the father is not involved in the child's life? I have heard of such cases where the mother gives the child her own name.
     
  12. danielleinthesky

    danielleinthesky Member

    Messages:
    544
    Likes Received:
    11
    when/if i get married, im keeping my own last name.
    just saying :)
     
  13. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    22,614
    Likes Received:
    35
    I would trade names with my girl, but her last name is uglier than mine =P
     
  14. Zorba The Grape

    Zorba The Grape Gavagai?

    Messages:
    1,988
    Likes Received:
    6
    Same :p
     
  15. Argiope aurantia

    Argiope aurantia Member

    Messages:
    575
    Likes Received:
    2
    I think that in some cultures, this is the norm. In Hispanic cultures (according to my professor), both sexes get both parents names, but the mothers' name only gets passed on for one generation. So I assume it would be more like getting the maternal grandfather's name, IF I understood her correctly.
     
  16. seraphina

    seraphina Member

    Messages:
    449
    Likes Received:
    0
    to be a legal requirment would be ridiculous...

    However its a tradition i think is sweet. To marry is to become family. And in most cases the only reason you have the last name you were born with is because your mother took her mans name, so why shouldnt you?
     
  17. Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

    Sir Digby Chicken Caesar Member

    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0
    I would never take anybody's name. That's theft, man.
     
  18. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    22,614
    Likes Received:
    35
    Ahahah :D
     
  19. Zorba The Grape

    Zorba The Grape Gavagai?

    Messages:
    1,988
    Likes Received:
    6
    No court would convict you.
     
  20. DaveHT

    DaveHT Member

    Messages:
    276
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think making it a legal requirement to change names is stupid. Just as stupid as the law in the old country my ancestors came from was. A couple (few) hundred years ago, my ancestors had to change their last name ( by law) when they bought a new piece of property, to the name of the person they bought it from. The person who sold the land also had to change their name to the former owners name of the new place they bought.

    As someone said earlier in this thread, it is about being property of someone; or in the case of a different culture in a different era, the property of a piece of property. Brings a new perspetive to asking where the 'Smiths' live and be told were to find it only to find they are not the 'Smiths' you are looking for.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice