Swinging, and personal issues....

Say whaaaa? I thought you needed a high profile education for such a career, not a drug using, sex abusin' lifestyle.

 

Of course you do. Of my parents and their friends, many were doing both college and sex/drug exploration at the same time, or did the teen pregnancy and marriage with the sex and drugs, then "started over" : divorced, going back to school, and on to becoming yuppies with new millenial kids.
None of this is uncommon or rare, on the contrary.

A lot of them felt LSD made them more spiritually aware and wise.
go figure.

 

Well, in particular, the part I knew was at least exaggerated, if not mistruth was the bit about being abandoned and forced to play parent to your siblings as early as 9. If that was actually true, I really dont think you'd be like this now, none of the ones that go through that are. Not saying that it necessarily didnt happen, but maybe not as abandoned as you want to make out

And as for being 6 and having your parents or whicever adults having sex in front of you. Non parents will react one way. But anyone thats been a parent ( or defacto parent as a kid) knows that most of their learning, play and well everything comes from mimicking and imitation. So think....errr hang on a minute.....So who was it you then were play acting with? No doubt there would have been one little dude that copped it more than the others, so who is he? Not that you remember all that well

That why parts of Psychology are useless in the end, aside from the political and economic influences, all those psychologists no matter how experienced arent going to have experience with matters no single patient has ever told them, that they dont even remember correctly even under hypnosis especially if the memory itself doesnt exist, or experience with things they've never seen or heard any evidence of.

And it still comes back to everyone else, say something and it will get interpreted by 10 different people 10 different ways

And back to Einstein, the only way you are ever really going to know if all that therapy did anything is if you could live part of your life with all the therapy then go back in time and go through the same part of your life with no therapy and compare results. Imagine if you could do that, but only to find it didnt make the slightest difference, and both times you still ended up in the exact same place

 

This is in response to my question about the relevancy of pyschology being a soft science, in which I cannot see any relevancy, again. But anyway-

I don't know what you mean by "like this" what could you possibly mean?
I have lots of personality characteristics that were formed by my background, that you know nothing about.
My obsession with limits, discipline, guidance, education and training (which not only comes out in being a parent myself, but in a horse and dog training business). This comes from my personal experience of needing someone to be such a force for me, and not having any- having to do it for my brother and sister instead. I understand the need to have a "parent" or authority figure, because of that time. But I don't really care if you believe that, though I find it very curious that you think a person would bother to lie . What do I have to gain from you, or anyone here, by lying about that?

I can't make out the grammar here, what do you mean??
When I said I was molested, I was not talking about a kid- it was my uncle, who was (is still) a drug addict, and they often bailed him out of jail, and put him in by room to sleep. I didn't consider it play at the time.

One thing my parents told me was that a large number of incest and sexual molestation memories are false memories.
The problem is that they have found that it doesn't matter. In terms of the effects upon the person, the after effects, the trauma, the body reacts the same whether the memory is false or not.
This has been explored and proven in many studies. Implanting memories causes the body to react as if they happened.

So if you are concerned about bringing charges against someone, the accuracy of the memories is relevant-
If you are concerned with the well being and healing of the person with the memory, it is not.

That is why I went into therapies which are not verbal, but using behavioral conditioning, to re-program the body and the associations in the mind. You create new memories, progressively, and make new associations in the brain to replace the old.

You seem to only be into finding blame (with your repeated comments about my father being a bad guy or to blame) . I am not interested in the least in that. Ultimately my memories may be false, even though most of them have been confirmed by others in front of witnesses(- group therapy was also part of the family agenda.) The important part is the way my body and mind respond to specific stimuli.
I have changed certain triggers, obviously... sex with a trusted partner is no problem.
I was concerned about falling upon triggers I might not expect- like having a stranger in the dark suddenly begin to engage with me sexually- that might cause a reaction more violent.

My whole reason was to get some feedback from people experienced here, in how to maybe break this activity down into progressive steps that could break me in slowly... tell me some anecdotes that might make me relax, give me ideas on what to say or do if I start to have a reaction or panic in the middle of the heat, how to respond if my husband starts to feel freaked out too... just some frigging guidance!

Fuck. I guess I will have to, once again, struggle through learning all this myself, through trial and error, then be a guide or aid to other newbies later.
Why the hell doesn't ANYONE have any part of them that desires to aid others???

Your ridiculous rants and accusations are just an excuse NOT to show any mature understanding and offer a hand to someone else. That's all.

 

Beware of feeding online trolls. Just like bears in the woods, they will keep coming back for more.

The other couple that I partner-swap with used to go to a swinger bar regularly. The wife doesn't have an account at this forum, but if she did, I don't think she would try to predict what kind of experience you might have, or what your reaction might be. Every bar and club of that kind is a little different, and every couple is different. I think the best you can do is keep an open mind and be patient about figuring out what works best for you.

Everyone's past experiences play a role in shaping their perspectives. That other couple I mentioned could easily fit into that scene because they met as regulars at a weekly party where a lot of promiscuity was going on. It seemed natural for them to continue along the same path.

 

It is notorious on forums that people don't see the objective of a post, or question, or need. Hip isnt unique that way. Nevertheless its annoying as hell. Just know there is a small fraction that won't go off on some unrelated critical tangent.

Swinging would be off limits for me. I want to be #1 to my companion at all times for all things. That is something that i value most with commitment.

Good luck in finding your answers. Theres a person here that has recommended free love online resources that might be more help. Hopefully they're reading this thread.

 

Yes quite often the subject of swinging turns into a shit show on this forum! The best place out there to talk about this subject that I have found is The Swingers Board forum. Very knowledgable and friendly lifestyle people with lots of sound advice.