survivors of suicide

Sorry to hear it, bro. I guess all I can say is try not to take it at all personally.

I think people who off themselves are usually just too much in their own pain to really think about the people they are hurting.

I know it's hard to think of someone you care about being in that much pain though.

The only other thing I would suggest is to let yourself cry if you feel like it. That helps you heal more than anything else I think.
Hugs.

 

I've tried slittingmy wrists more times than I can count. Last attempt, I took a bottle of 100 Benadryls. It didn't work. It just took a couple days to regain motor skills. There are life experiences since I would have never had if I had died. I'm thankfu to have had those experiences.

 

I sometimes feel like I died a long time ago. What is life what is death? It's all very confusing to me. I tried to kill myself a couple of times. I think the scariest part to me was just the sound and image of trying to cut through..literally having to use my strength to tear through some sort of thick tendon in my wrist. I didn't get too far, though. But I did end up in a hospital one time after taking too many pills and slicing up my arms a bit. I'm not sure I can say whole-heartedly that I'm glad I made it. I'm not sure how much better it would have been if I hadn't (who does?). I am glad I am here, but every now and then I get that thought plagueing my mind that maybe I should have done it when I had the chance. But I won't.

 

To both of you, I just wanted to quote something another member on here said..

No one really knows what comes after life, and it might be better than life.
But when I don't know what comes after, why would I want to leave something as awesome as life?

Just remember that there are ups and downs, and it's all a part of life.
Treat life like an old friend that you have a love/hate relationship with.

 

Death is change. What kind of change, we don't know no matter how much we might think we do.

I doubt very much that there is any hell or such, but I think of suicide as rolling your dice when it may be that you were very lucky this time around to experience life through a human body and it might be a long time before you will again considering the multitude of other life forms producing consciousness.

I like to think we have souls or something which secures our spots for human bodies, but then again, I may be a sea urchin or something next. Of course we are all things at all times, but we subjectively experience one body at a time...even though.....ugh! It gives me a headache!

 

In 8th grade I chewed a handful of pills to kill myself.
I just wanted to see what happened after death, and I broke a promise. Ever since I was a boy I told myself I had to die if I ever broke a promise.

But now I realize that death is inevitable, and this life is not infinite.
Why end it now when it'll end eventually?
I'm more curious now to see what I can do with this life....the death stuff will come later.

 

I contemplate suicide and death so often that it's as though I don't actively think about it anymore. It's just such a familiar thought to me.

I've attempted suicide more times than I can count with the last attempt being about 7 or 8 months ago. Before that, it had been literally years. Moving 14 hours away from home and being more or less confined to the house takes it toll on me, however, so those familiar feelings bubble up much more often than I care to admit.

The thought that will always be with me is that my mother, after my first suicide attempt at age 11, went in the closet and cried with clothing, just like they do in the movies when they lose someone. If that's not an image to break my heart and will to die, I don't know what is.

 

Have you tried antidepressant medication? I'm no physician, but I have chronic depression and it sounds to me like you might have it too, in which case an antidepressant might make a huge difference for you.

It has for me. I wouldn't blame you for not trusting new drugs though. The pharmaceutical industry has got so rich that they got the FDA in their pockets.. so a lot of drugs don't get the long term testing and whatnot that they really should.

I used to be on one that was eventually found to cause long term damage to the kidney or liver or something. I wasn't on it very long but I'm glad I stopped.

 

I've been on dozens of different anti-depressants and/or anti-psychotics over the years and all of them made the cycling thoughts - particularly of suicide - worse. I've found that just reflecting on my feelings and thoughts in a productive frame of mind is most beneficial to me.

 

Yeah, a lot of what's going on starts with certain thoughts we have and when we can pinpoint those trigger thoughts and process them it can really make an impact.

I found that for me the trigger is feeling like I'm inherently defective. And it's true that antidepressants are not the answer for everyone and, really, they aren't the whole answer for anyone.

You can be medicated and still feel suicidal if the biochemistry is changed but you still have the same thought patterns.

 

i fell out of a tree with a nuse in my neck i f88ked it up
im straight now though that was 3 years a go

 

Tricky subject, I think everybody has those moments when life can get on top of them.

A number of years ago my girlfriend got knocked down by a train, saving my life. She died, I did not obviously- and since my life became a lot harder. I cannot compare it to not being here though, because that's just plain disrespectful.

I had people wishing death on me, I had the guilt over being around and I was only barely an adult. I started to self harm (something I came to regret, I always wear full sleeves now), and finally drank myself to hospital where I came close to finishing myself. I to this day consider that almost suicidal thinking, I had literally no direction or regard for my life whatsoever.

But alas, I cleaned myself up and now I am redoing all the things I messed up in my youth (uni, recently learned to drive), and you realize you just have to cherish better times and not dwell on worse ones.

I never really talk about it anymore, but it's nice to write that and get it off my chest. Images can go through your head that haunt you, so I can see why some people can suffer from suicidal thoughts and whatnot, it is a stretch of your character.

 

I'm glad you started this post because three weeks ago my mom attempted suicide and I needed someone to talk to it about. I remember I was trying to call her all day and she wouldn't answer the phone so I drove over to her house. My g/f and i found her passed out in her chair, we got her awake enough to say " I have to go to the bathroom" so we helped her stand up and took her to the bathroom(at this point we have no idea whats going on). So we turned our backs to give her a little privacy and we hear a thump, she passed out and was laying on the floor. When I looked at her, her lips were blue, so me and my g/f try to roll her over on her back and as we are doing this my mom wipers in my ear " you should have let me die" then i called the ambulance, we later found out that she OD'd on her Methadone that she is prescribed for her back pain. I am no longer speaking with her because she said a lot of hurtful things to me and she has fucked with my head my entire life, I feel bad for not talking to her but as long as she is in my life, my life is a mess.

 

my ex had tried to hang herself before she met me. she was always pretty troubled, had a pretty severe case of Bi-Polar Disorder and also had some family issues.

I don't know how she is now, but she seemed pretty happy when she was with me. So I guess life does eventually get better.

 

I had 2 major overdoses which both times landed me in the psych ward for a week.

I still suffer from depression which is manged by anti depressants been on them for over 10 years .

Now days I try to look for the good in the world relising I havn't got it so bad compared to people in some other parts of the world . It does help your state of mind when you a re grateful for even the smallest things

 

Four people I knew committed suicide. One was a casual acquaintance, one was someone I occasionally partied with, one was a boyfriend in high school, and the last was my constant companion for four years.

I saw it coming and tried to get help. I called the hotline. They asked if he was psychotic. I didn't know the definition. They asked if there was a specific threat made. There hadn't been. I couldn't get anyone to go in. His son came home and found him dead in the bathtub with his femeral artery cut.

 

ok i will try to be brief about this i lost my brother to suicide that was the most selfish thing he has ever done to me,my brother put a double barrel 20 guage shotgun in his mouth and pulled off both barrels at once people that hunt know what this will do to a human body,yeah its kinda messy i was the 1st one to find him sitting in the den when i came home from school not a good thing to walk in on. ok that was a few years ago i am over that as well as i will ever be
ok the psycks will be more than willing to give you most any kind of med in the pdr that helps for a little while but life goes on eh? oh there is a saying that time heals all wounds well it will take you past that point in your life but this is something that will be with you all of your life if u feel suiccidal please call 911 or go to your local emergency care office

 

Suicide CAN make sense, but this post underscores the mess that self-termination leaves behind. If I had a condition that could not be solved and simply didn't want to drag my family through the winding down process, I'd figure out some way to end my life privately and with dignity, but the last thing I'd want would to leave behind is a legacy of suicide.

How would you end your life in a way that no one would know? Is there a medicine that causes heart failure but is untraceable? Sailing out sea and simply disappearing? Having a deliberate car accident? Interesting thought.

 

that's a compelling story vcr, and that's the thought that stops me from going to that place. the thought of the impact i would have on my family, as things are it would probably leave what family is left of mine completely wrecked. I see things for the better now and just want to understand the world the most i can and contribute to the bettering of our society. It still feels like if i lost contact with my family, and my dad was dead then i could see myself doing such a thing, thats f***ing awesome you didnt pull that trigger. If its not to much trouble , may i ask how things are between you and your kids?

 

I think I'll spill the beans on my experience with suicide. Who knows, maybe it'll make things better. I dunno.

I remember my mom used to keep threatening to kill herself. I was a little kid. I didn't understand, but I wanted to help mommy. Several times when she would go out on her tirades about killing herself, she would threaten to murder me and my sister. I still didn't understand until I was older. I remember a few of her favorite tv shows, mostly "Quincy, M.D.", and I learned then what suicide was about. Then a few more times she would say she's going to kill herself, I started ignoring it. As I learned from that tv series and listening to older people in the neighborhood talk about ithe was making those threats because she was screaming inside for help. And the only way she could be heard on the outside was to make these threats. That didn't help, because back then the "system" didn't care. Well, I remember seeral times when she did ask for help, and in response the doctors put me and my sister on meds. I forget what my sister was on, but I was on Ritallin for about 5 years.

I remember so much of the abuse we took from her, and only when we got out on our own did I find out that everyone knew what was going on. The schools knew. Social services knew. The sheriff's department knew. Even the ever-so-holy "Mormon Church" that we were baptised in, they knew. And not a damn one of them did anything.

Our neighbors knew, and they did what they could to help us. They reported it. They could have gone one step farther and removed us themselves, but they didn't.

Ok, fast forward to the here & the now. My sister was put in juvenile detention repeatedly, for running away. She ended up on drugs to get rid of the nightmares, and now she's dying from hep c and some liver disease.

Me, I stayed away from drugs. Tried pot a few times, because my friends said it was the cool thing to do. I wasn't impressed with the stuff. I went to juvi a few times, for running away. One time I even tried to kill myself. I didn't want to put up with the crap that was happening. The detent staff found out and I was transfered to a mental ward in the local hospital. Then I found out they were going to send me to the state hospital. WTF? So I finally tried to carry it out. Where there is a will there is a way. I just did it wrist wrong (for safety reasons I will disclose the method tried only to Hip admin if they ask).

Ended up getting sent to a juvie detent joint three hundred miles away. Thank God it wasn't the state hospital! I can look on the bright side though- my stress level dropped immensely while in juvie. And I lost my virginity there. No kidding. I really didn't like it, but it was better than being home.

I still have nightmares about the stuff my mom did. Wrapping me and my sister up in a blanket, and we could hear her loading her shotgun. She would be talking a bunch of nonsense. Or one time when she fixed a big meal, told us to eat up (unusual as she was on food stamps and we rationed our food). While we were eating she started loading her shotgun again, then talking about how she wouldn't be accused of abusing us because when they do the autopsy they'll find out stomachs full. I went hysterical and ran outside. Neighbors saw it. They saw how I was. And the called the sheriff's dept., yet once again, the pigs dropped the fucking ball. I was lucky, I moved out finally when I was 17, and I've been out ever since. I'm now 40.


Why did she do that? When I was 12 she had problems in an elevator. She went to the doctor and after a few referrals the doctors found she had a brain tumor. Man, the brain is a ricky creature. The doctors operated and got it out. She'll live longer, but it took a long time for her mental state to mellow out. Now she's much better.

When I tell people about this they ask how I know somuch about her current situation. Well, we talk. People say that's dumb, but then I disagree. It was never her fault. The tumor fucked her up. I forgave her years ago, because it wasn't her fault.

I still have the nightmares. But I actually feel better about myself after I forgave her.