Surprise!!!!

I actually could give you a job, especially during the summer when freight starts picking up and pay $$$ starts switching poles to progress and favor the carrier, rather than line the pockets and manifest into cushy leather chairs for the brokers. How does $400.00 a week after taxes to start sound? lol :tongue:

As for Brooke, nah man no progress, I dont really know what I want to do in this situation, how to handle her. As I told you before, she is by FAR the most beautiful girl to ever give me the time of day, let alone share an interest in getting together. And her daughter is quite wonderful; she is a great mother who knows how to keep her partying in check with her individual responsibilities. She has her job, her own car, pays her rent and her bills and raises her child as a single parent, just like me, but other than that, we dont have too much in common. So, I think I may let her go as I'd rather have her as a friend then make things more uncomfortable and strange then they already are ever since I turned down sleeping with her out of respect for her lifestyle and daughter. But, man, some days I just want to kick my self in the face for turning that body and those eyes that make you want to melt! AH!!!!!!

 

hahaha shit I'll take any job right now. $25/week would be better than nothing. lol

As for Brooke....I think you made the right choice and you shouldn't "kick yourself in the face" for it. Just be the person you're being and you'll find someone, no problem.

 

Thanks Brian. Yea, I know its the right thing to do, but dude, I dont think you are picturing just how beautiful and wonderful she actually is. I mean damn son. DAMN! oh she is so cute lol. But still, that makes no differance, every good-natured person is uniqely beautiful and wonderful in their own special ways

 

Well dude, there's plenty of smokin hot girls out there. Some of them are fuckin retarded and not worth the time of day. Others just have zero in common with you and a relationship will just waste everyone's time. BUT, there is one girl out there who is perfect for you, in every way, and you'll find her when you least expect to. That's why I just got insanely fukt up until the girl of my dreams just happened to cross my path, which is my suggestion:spliff:

I understand what you're saying though. The way some girls look/act/move/talk will just make you wanna do the most degradingly off the wall type sexual shit you can think of, all while saying to hell with a soulmate.....Ima bust this nut right quick. lol

 

heroin feels good............
SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Exactly man, its tough at times lol. Like Arjuna tells Krsna in the Bhagavad Gita :

cancalam hi manah krsna
pramathi balavad drdham
tasyaham nigraham manye
vayor iva su-duskaram

For the mind is restless, turbulent, obstinate and very strong, O Krsna, and to subdue it is, it seems to me, more difficult than controlling the wind.

It is so true. Controling our physical desires is as difficult as controling our own reality
But, yes, I would love to meet my soulmate, if she is indeed out there waiting to meet me as well. Though I must admit, I think I have already met her, and loved her, and had a child with her, and that for now things just arent allowed to coexist. It really crushes my heart everyday man, nobody knows just how much I loved that girl, and no matter what I try to do, no matter how many girls I have been with since we spilt up over unfair conditions brought upon us by outside forces, not ourselves entirley, I cant imagine ever feeling that strongly about another girl ever again. Of course, we all grow and change and adapt to our new lives, and life goes on as does love, but I am a firm believer in true love, and I know for a fact that it is very dificult to let feelings like this go. Oh well bro, maybe someday we will get back together and raise our son properly as a family, and if not, hopefully I can fall in that deep of a love with someone who is more appropriate for me.
Thank you very much for listening to me man, it feels so good to be able to be open and honest about my feelings (because I usually hide this love that I have for fear of seeming weak) with someone who actually and genuinley cares

 

TELL me about it! Im on 180mg's of MS Contin (Morphine Sulfate) as we speak, at this very moment :tongue:

 

im very familiar with ms contin looks like you and i have two things in common...

religion and opiates

 

I know what you mean man. I could never imagine loving anyone as much as I love Kari. No matter what happens between us, she will always be the love of my life. Hopefully, nothing will happen though.

For a while it seemed like you and Jack's mother might work stuff out. What happened? Anything? I'm sure you'll find the person you are meant to be with, eventually, as long as you don't shut out the possibility.

And you're welcome. I know you'd listen to me. We are friends, afterall. Besides, I was curious. Btw, NEVER be ashamed of your feelings. Expressing one's love for someone isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength, as it is not an easy task to express your feelings, no matter what they are. Well, anger is easy, but that's about it. haha

 

Ah how wonderful! Yes, morphine is my one vice, well, asides from newport 100's and alcohol lol

So, you are also a devotee of Lord Krishna?! If so how amazing to find you, in a marijuana forum of places!

 

I once had a black tar problem..a small one, albeit still a problem. I just love opiates and ive cut down to an 80mg Oxy once every couple of weeks. I dont smoke cigs, or drink..but I partake in the smoking of ganj..

I am not a devotee of Krishna, however, I am a Shaivite..we are sort of, similarly opposite hahah.
Ive been a Shaivite for..hrm..6 or 7 years now, since I was about 13 I guess. I adore the Geeta, it is one of my most prized possessions.
Do you also follow the Vedas, Agamas, Sutras and Upanishads as well?

 

To be honest, I incorporate some Vedic philosophy and guidance in my life, but not too much, because Krsna says that He is the Supreme Personality of GodHead, the SuperSoul, incarnate of Vishnus divine energy, comprised of Divine Love, and the He is all of physical nature manifest and spiritual existance, so there is no need to worship the Demigods because they receive the right to exist through His divine Nature. Though he also says that if one wishes to devote oneself to demigods that he grants them the abillity since He does not impose upon our freewill. Though I must say, the Upanishads are quite beautiful Mahabratta is amazing, maybe someday I will complete my collection of its myriad contents, but being a Krsna devotee and attempting to attain the scienence of Bhaktiyoga, I have no real desire to understand anymore than Krsna Conciousness, being also that understanding Him is hard enough as it is, right up there next to impossible!
It is very nice to meet you, I am looking forward to some very intersting conversations with someone who is so like minded!
Peace and love to you and your family, Namaste sister, your friend John
Hare Krsna, Hare Rama!

 

Oh, and btw, I havent touched Heroin in just over 3 weeks, I am trying to quit all together for the love I have for my son and to ba responsible parent, and for my devotion to Krsna, liberation only comes of Samsara when we stop justifying and rationalizing our drug attachment and shedding our ego, surrendering ourself to Krsna, or God, whatever name you have or deity you acknowledge as Lord. Very difficult to do though, Im sure I have a few thousand births and deaths awaiting this tired soul lol :tongue:

 

I have never actually met and befriended someone who subscribes to the Gaudiya Vaisnava ideology, even though I have studied it myself quite a bit.
My faith, the Shaivite faith, and the Krishna Consciousness are vastly different in their God philosophies..and before I was so peaceful minded I had it out hardcore with a Hare Krishna (i hate that term) in Tompkin Square Park up in NYC..oddly enough I attained my personal copy of the Geeta from the same guy who busted my non existant balls.
I study..all forms of Sanatana Dharma. Vaisnavism, Shaktism, Tantrism, Shaivism, Smartism, etc and all of their respected schools of thought and I find myself most personally aligned with Kaali Maa and Shiva <3
I also worship RamSita though...and Laksmi right now because I am going through a sadesati, which is a vedic astrological term for sort of a "sad time" in someones life.
Its so nice to meet you also! My name is Leslie..glad im finally making some friends on this forum!!!
Hari Bol!

Satyam Shivam Sundaram
Truth is God and God is beautiful

 

The chapter containig shed light upon Sanatana Dharma in the Gita is one of the most beautiful, relevant, and profound chapters in the book. I think I will reread it tonight
Hari Bol!

ya nisa sarva-bhutanam
tasyam jagarti samyami
yasyam jagrati bhutani
sa nisa pasyato muneh

What is night for all beings is the time of awakening for the self-controlled; and the time of awakening for all beings is night for the introspective sage.

 

Heres some questions..if you dont mind..
Are you a member of ISKON? If not, are you planning on it?
Do you visit a temple regularly, if at all?
Do you feel the need for a guru?

I am not a member of any organization.
I visit a temple regularly although I am not a member.
I do not feel the need for a guru..guru for me is the self, atman, and god, brahman.

 

I am more than pleased to answer these questions! Very few things make me happier than to share information with honestly curious people on my spritiuality

Are you a member of ISKON? If not, are you planning on it?
Acutally, no I'm not, I feel that they are, for the most part, beautiful people, but the fact that they charge money for their items that some of them are ENTIRLEY useless, and while that is not a bad thing to do, it does not conform the my belief. I am in the process of making my own Japa mala, and I dont need a cd of Sri. P. to teach me how to properly perform the Maha Mantra. I would gladly pay for a copy of the Bhagavad Gita, actually I have several different translations, but everything else reminds of material profit and attachment, so I feel much more suited to practice devotion on my own, though sharing my belief and Love is what I live for

Do you visit a temple regularly, if at all?
No I dont, but I have nothing against this. I would love to, really, I just dont have much time with being a single father, and the closet one to me is more of a New Age, misguided, money grubbing (false) yoga practice center, as if they do not even understand that the True purpose of yoga is to attain connection with the Divine Lord in Love, and accept all for what it is, not to lose weight and love yourself egotistically. How, on Earth, can someone rationalize charging money $$$ to share the Divine Love of the revealing science of God?! :tongue:

Do you feel the need for a guru?
I wouldnt say that I feel a need to learn from a Yogi, but, it would be very wonderful and would most definitley hasten my individual process of attaining trancendental knowledge and dettachment from my false sense of ego and to material possesion. Maybe I will meet a Yogi someday and be fortunate to train under their guidance, but if not I accept that and will continue my path towards Self Realization in hopes of acheiving this on my own, though Im sure it will be many births until that time comes, which I will gladly melt into as the time passes. This Age of Kali Yuga does make it so difficult however, like Arjuna said to Krsna, to subdue and control the mind (sense gratification) is more difficult than to control the wind.
Namaste ~

 

i plan on visiting a krishna temple this summer for a few days or maybe a week or so...

SURPRISE!!!

 

I am pregnant.

SURRRPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIISEEEE!!!!!!

 

Surise?

Pregnant!!!!

but still... surise?

EDIT: never mind, i found the P.