surly preteen

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by TerrapinRose, May 24, 2004.

  1. TerrapinRose

    TerrapinRose Member

    My daughter is driving me nuts!She is 10 and she is just a sulky,grumpy,grouchy,cranky mess. I don't know if it's hormonal preteen stuff or just that I'm busy with the baby and she was an only child for so long. She is rude to me,uncooporative,and a pain in the rump. She has always been a really good kid,maybe it's just her time to become difficult. I'm hoping to spend more time with her this summer,and I hope it isn't a miserable situation. Anybody been through this?
  2. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

    Only when I was that age! Maybe, talk to her and see what she is unhappy about. Although, she may say nothing, in that "don't talk to me about feelings" kinda way. Is there anyway you can get some alone time without the baby to do something fun with her? Take her to a movie, or take a class together. Do something that she is interested in. We have this pottery place in town where you can paint pieces of ceramics for a very small fee. My daughter absolutely loves it.
  3. Brighid

    Brighid Member

    Preteen means premenstrual! I just went through this myself with my 12 year old. Girls are going through menarche at much earlier ages due to the growth hormones found in almost everything.Calcium/Magnesium has been a godsend! Improved her moods immensely. It calms and soothes the nerves, helps them sleep better, and keeps you from losing your mind.
  4. Cre

    Cre Senior Member

    I can totally relate. My son is 11 and is the same as your daughter. I chalk it up to hormones.
  5. TerrapinRose

    TerrapinRose Member

    It's extremely difficult for us to spend mother/daughter time alone. I can't drive,so going places is hard,and my husband refuses to watch the baby alone. He seems to thinks the baby might explode if I am not there. We do have plans for my mother to take the baby for an afternoon and drop us at the mall to see the new Harry Potter movie next week,but mom goes up north for the summer so this is not going to be the norm. I am desperately trying to find affordable passage or a ride to this commune we are scheduled to visit together in July. One of the benefits of spending the month there will be the available child care so we can spend time without the baby. I will also try the calcium-magnesium route,I know alot of this is just the way it is at that age. Thanks for the support!
  6. AutumnAuburn

    AutumnAuburn Senior Member

    Oh yeah... My 12.5 yo son is the same way... Surly, sulky, snotty...

    Well, if they didn't do that, we would want them to stay forever... It's nature's way of getting them out of the house... :)
  7. Your husband won't watch the baby alone?! Damn, if I had a husband who tried to pull something like that on me, there'd be hell to pay! Grrrr....Why is it always the woman who's expected to do 99% of child-rearing? I'd say kick your hubby's ass and make him do something! You diserve a break!
  8. dreama

    dreama Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    sorry to hear you're having difficulties, but you are indeed, not alone. I remember the charming daughter is now nearly 18, but when she was that age, perhaps 12-13, I was ready to give her away. But what got us through was plenty of patience, and understanding. You need to learn how to pick your battles...some are just not worth the energy. You need to learn how to listen better and ask better questions. When I was getting monosyllabic answers to how was school, I had to learn how to ask better questions if I really wanted to know what was going on with her. So instead of the usual "how was school" it was things like "what did your class talk about today?" "did anyone get into trouble" "were there any substitutes?" or "are you working in groups with anyone now?". I found these types of questions really opened up the conversation and even if we were not alone, we could chat it up freely.

    As for the rude behaviour - simply tell her you will not speak with her when she is rude. And most important over everything - FOLLOW THROUGH! If you give her consequences for unacceptable behaviour, make sure you stick to it or these little gems will figure out in light speed how to manipulate you out of a consequence and end up getting what they want anyhow.

    You mention you have a baby, perhaps you could ask for her input on helping with the baby...not with major things, but giving her a voice in some of the decisions you make with regard to the baby. Like what the baby will wear that day, or where would the three/four of you like to go for a walk, and reward her with positive praise when she talks to you civilly, but don't over do it.

    And remember, this too shall surly youth has grown up and is about to move out on her own and attend university...where has the time gone?
  9. Applespark

    Applespark Ingredients:*Sugar*

    More special time together. I was jsut that age not too long ago. It def is the time to reach out for the last time before she reaches teenhood...then once you have lost her attention you prety much don't get it back. Right now is the time to find out what's on her mind and establish that you are there for her. Even if she acts like she is not listening she is.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice