Supreme Sadness...

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by JayzzMama, May 26, 2006.

  1. JayzzMama

    JayzzMama Member

    Oh mamas, I need help! My illness is affecting how I react/interact with my sweet baby James! I posted in Mental Health about it too. This morning, J was being particularly aggressive nursing. I just couldn't handle it, I pushed him away. He had a meltdown. I had a meltdown. The end result was the two of us sobbing in the bed, baby trying to pull my arms away from my breasts to continue nursing, me begging my husband to HELP ME! He woke up for an instant and feebly shushed J before rolling over to sleep again. It's not J's fault! I just feel lost and neglected. I am screaming for help and nobody is listening!
  2. Big big hugs Mama. Maybe go see a therapist today?
  3. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Sweetie Sweetie, you need therapy and meds. Please. Please. I've been there. There is help, and there are meds you can take while you are nursing. I took Zoloft while nurinsg two of my kids. Sage started reading at 3 years old, and Lennon is a chess champion. Taking the drugs while nursing is NOT a risk to them. Using that stuff in a can, when you have enough milk to feed them, or continuing to be depressed is a HUGE risk. The drug and others are safe. See the post Earthy Mama made about the same thing.

    THere is help. Here is the link about meds and breastfeeding. Also, weaning during PPD can actually make the symptoms worse. Good doctors no longer advise it. I took the Zoloft all through my last pregnancy, and I never got the Horrors I was expecting, like I had with the other kids. I didn't get help with my first two kids, until Moon was weaned, because in those days they would make you wean. No more. There is help for nursing mamas. A baby is better off with your milk, with an UNDETECTED amount of antidepressant in it (actually there is NONE of some of these drugs in your millk) than he is with either a depressed mama, or being weaned onto the stuff, while you take something that would be safe if you continued to nurse. I have been there. Five Times. I even had PPD after one of my miscarraiges.

  4. JayzzMama

    JayzzMama Member

    It's not that I don't want to or am afraid to be on drugs. Quite the opposite I realize I can't function without them, I need them. It's just that my husband has to give me the money to pay of my shrink bill. That gets us into another whole issue about how I have no access AT ALL to our money, other than pulling money directly from his wallet or just asking. He has given me some money to open my own account with but, I feel like thats not addressing the real issue, which is equality in our marriage rather than money. He's older than me by 13 (he's nearly 37) years, and I'm a very immature 23. He's just sort of set in his ways I guess. Anyway, I've been trying to resolve this issue for months now, all the whole descending into the wilds of this illness, and he's just sort of blowing me off. Here's my post from the Mental Health forum:
  5. JayzzMama

    JayzzMama Member

    By the way, I was on Lamictal and Paxil before pregnancy. Had to stop because Lamictal apparently causes neural tube defects or something like that. They managed my illness beautifully so there is really no reason for all of this!
  6. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Honey, feeling powerless only increases your depression. If he blows you off when you are this depressed, he needs the DOCTOR to talk to him.

    Do you have an insurance card? Just GO to the docor, and let him get the bill. That is the best way. That way he will have to pay it. can you call his HR person and get a card of your own, if he won't give you one? Why would a man deny his wife medical care? There is a LOT going on here. BUT, you need to forget about HIM and his issues and get what you need, and if that means taking the damn money from his wallet while he is asleep, then do it. But, most doctors BILL people, they don't take the money up front. Go to the doctor, and have the bill sent to him and TELL the doctor what is going on.

    I may be making a leap here, but negligence is a form of battery. There are also Battered Women's Shelters that can get you therapy and also meds. Many times depressed people put obsticles in their way "There is no way I can do this." Because change is frightening to them. But, until you take actionm (and doing so, when you are already depressed is very very hard, beleive me, I've been there) but only YOU can do it. Do it for your baby, and yourself. YOU need to put that baby and YOU in front of your husband's selfish problems. Ignore HIS problems (he can get how own therapy) and concentrate on YOU and the baby.

    In some state denying you dependents medical care is a crime. As it should be.
  7. JayzzMama

    JayzzMama Member

    Oh no! I have a card! I just don't drive and it's hard for me to get around, so there is another thing i depend on him for. And the issue is the past money I owe the doctor. Steve keeps telling me he'll give me the money, he is very good at putting things off though. :( He is one of those people who is very sure of themselves, and very disciplined. So for him, it is hard to imagine that I have no control over the situation. I think he is starting to see that I'm unravelling in a bigger way this time. I just called him at work and gave him the shrinks number so he can call and take care of my debt. I'll let you know if anything happens!
  8. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    See a different doctor, or pay off the balance with the credit card and let her neglectful husband deal with it and hire a cab. Most cab companes now take credit cards, call around to see which ones do.

    Paxil is totally safe while breastfeeding.

    Here is some data on the Lamcital.
  9. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Isolation is a from of abuse, honey. He has you by the shorthairs. He isn't sure of himself. the only way he feels like a 'man' is to deny a womyn, who needs medical care, the health she needs. This sounds like a man who is in love with no one but himself.

    Call the doctor or call the hospital and get in to see a Psychiatrist as soon as posible. DO NOT see you OB, they are not trained to treat depression. Call a cab or take enough money from his wallet to pay for the cab.

    You CAN do this. Is it hard? Yes. But you owe it to your baby and yourself.

    Blessings, womyn. YOU have the power to get the help you need. You do NOT need his permission to get better.

    I am lighting a candle for strength for you. I care, honey, a lot of us do. Heal.
  10. hippychickmommy

    hippychickmommy Sugar and Spice

    Oh sweetie, you have my heartfelt sympathy. Like many mothers, I went through the same thing, and I'm sure there are plenty of others mamas here who experienced post-partum depression as well.

    Listen to what Sugar Maggie says. She knows her stuff! Get yourself some help so that you can heal and enjoy this time with your baby.

    Many, many hugs and CAN get through this. I promise.
  11. icedteapriestess

    icedteapriestess linguistic freak

    Have you ever sat down with your husband and discussed the manifestations of your illness? My husband knew I had an illness when we got married, but knowing and KNOWING are two very different things. He didn't realize that I needed things from him that he wasn't giving, and I didn't know how to let myself be vulnerable enough to ask.

    Eventually, we had a big blow up, and he did some reading about my illness and how to best emotionally and mentally support me. Things are a lot better now.

    Would it help to lay all your cards on the table with your husband and explain, in the most simple English you've got, what you need and how you need it? Sometimes people need to be hit over the head with things before they understand, and that goes double for people understanding mental illness as an illness.

    Regardless of all of this though, you do need to get to see someone. As Maggie said, get in a cab and go. Take Baby J with you if needed, if you can't find a sitter. If you husband has a fit, well... pardon my french, but fuck him. He needs to step up to the emotional/mental plate... he isn't pulling his weight.
  12. barefoot_kirstyn

    barefoot_kirstyn belly flop

    i really agree with what everyone else is saying. I've always had depression, and after i had Leane, i felt HORRIBLE and NO ONE wanted to help. They all just said, "get over it."
    You NEED to get yourself help. There's still lots of days that I feel like this, and it's awful. It's dangerous not to. You may love J to bits and pieces, but mom's who have PPD can be dangerous to themselves and their babies without help.
    I know how you feel, and i really want you to get the help you need. ((((((lots of big hugs)))))))

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