Exactly My brother and I have been very well nurtured over the years. He is the most loving sweet boy you can imagine, working part time in a retirement home. Sure he's a mama's boy (in a charming way) but also very outgoing and independant. I don't see how depriving a child of the care and attention they need at any age could possibly do them any good.
I haven't read much about parenting, but it just feels wrong to let a baby cry. I don't have children yet, but if a baby cries around me, I have an urge to pic it up and care for it. And this feeling is not comming from no where. Also the thing about nursing at night. It seems to be so much easier and comfortable, if you can stay in bed and fall to sleep again right afater it, instead of getting up, nursing, going into another room to sleep again. A good sleep is so important to everyone, and this is probably a lot more supportive to it. And the last time, I slept in my moms bed, short before my 21 birthday. I was so sick that night, and I realy needed her. I wasn't asking, she was offering me the possibility. We need other people and especially or parents our life long. Their role changes as kids get more and independent, but saying to not need the care of the parents, in form of a hug, or a bed, or whatever, is pure bullshit and the most unnatural thing. I live alone now, I see my mom about twice a year, but I can call her everytime I need her, and she will always have an open ear and try to help me.
so according to experts like sumtinbuggy we shouldn't provide night time comfort for our children even when they are sick. (sumtinbuggy , do you have children?) when my kids get fevers, i have them sleep in my bed so i can keep an eye on their fevers. mama's can actually set their internal clocks to wake frequently to check even older children when they are ill or hurt, when they sleep close by. I've done this many times. my bed is also open for when they feel lonely, sad, afraid or even when they are happy and just want to share that with us. if you were elderly and disabled, living with your adult children and wanted a drink of water in the night, how would you feel if they told you 'no, you can't have any until the sun is up, and you can only have it when this schedule says it's time for your water. how would you feel? i would feel powerless, like a pet dog, like the discomfort of my thirst was unimportant. remember the relatively new proverb that the kids your raising now will be the same ones picking out your nursing home someday, lol. kathy
Being sick or hurt and needing comfort in that type of situation is different. You are waaaaaay off base in your response.
I don't beleive he does. Nor does he have the backing of the "research" he promised us yesterday, which would "prove" AP is bad for children. OTOH, I posted over 40 studies which proves AP's points. And Micheal makes a good point, there are people who don't understand AP, who do some damage. I knew a mother who was actually afraid to say "no" to her sons or to stop them from even doing dangerous or abusive things to others. She misinterpreted compassion for complete disreguard for logic. Kids needs to be attached, as well as they need consistancy. But consistancy is not something you have to use a "schedule" on a piece of paper for. Good attached parents are naturally consistant, and these parents do not allow nasty abusive behavior from their kids and are not afraid of the word "no."
Quote "Being sick or hurt and needing comfort in that type of situation is different. You are waaaaaay off base in your response." No, actually I'm not way off base. Sage told us about her brother sharing her parents bed when he was sick and you said her mother needed to "cut the cord" I was replying to that comment. By the way, my older kids don't have to be sick to be welcome in our room. We have camp outs in our room just for fun sometimes. And my baby sleeps with us full time. I am an AP style parent. In many ways I set more limits then many of the parents I know. I have firm limits on tv, junk food, agressive behaviour, lying, cheating etc., I deal with behaviour that needs dealing with immedialey. I do it in a gentle and respectful manner and as a result my children are extremely gentle and polite people. When they make mistakes, they are not afraid to tell me because they know I won't yell, scream, hit, lecture or bannish them. Yet they are well behaved and I get comliments on their behaviour all the time. My son is extremely polite despite being on the autistic spectrum (if you know anything about autism, manners are very difficult for these kids) Quote "Of course nannies know nothing of AP, it's not their job to "attach" to children, it's their job to wipe their butts and make sure they don't get hurt, etc..." That's a good point too, Micheal! Kathy
quote from Bug Man (sumptinbuggy) We're waiting with baited breath........... (But not holding it. LOL.)
about the shows: I'm not sure what to think. It starts with the parents letting the kids have rule of the house, but getting them to behave again is another story. I don't know if you can go from not being able to put your foot down at all to maturily reasoning with them. My babes isn't here yet, so I'm really not talking from experience, but I know that I was a real brat when I was little and although my mom tried really hard, whenever she asked me to do something, I just wouldn't do it or throw a tantrum. She would try to reason with me, from what I can remember, but i didn't care. If I didn't want to do something, I wouldn't do it. I was a brat. I'm scared to death that my baby is going to be like this. I really admire moms like maggie and karfty kathy. as for the whole sleeping in the same bed thing, the only bad thing that i could possibly think of about that is getting the kids to sleep in their own bed again. My mom always let us sleep in her bed if we had a bad dream or there was a thunderstorm or if we were sick. I would still crawl into my mom's bed when I was 16 and sick or there was a storm or something. It's comforting to know that they're there.
Jesus Christ, Maggie! Some of us work full time plus. Not all of us have the luxury of being a stay at home mom. Give me a chance.
Still gathering. I've got so many boxes of college material to get through, it ain't funny. Be patient, folks!
thanks maggie and teeny teeny, don't worry, some tantrums are normal. i think all kids have at least occasional meltdowns. by the time your baby gets to that age, you'll probably have some ideas about handling those moments. you spend your first couple of years falling completely in love with your kid and that helps you handle those difficult moments. you'll see! kathy
