suicide..

Well my life by no means was easy, but I rather not disclose details right now. I didn't have any support and I almost put a bullet in my brain twice. Mentally I had to will myself to be strong and realize that I was only [insert age between 16-20] and have yet to live even half my lifetime.

It wasn't until I discovered ganj that it got a wee bit easier, it helped me cope with my anger issues and depression. It also helped take the edge off my anxiety and paranoia. I'm now seeing a therapist which is also helping.

The only advice I can give is to keep going, nothing lasts forever and eventually things WILL get better, it's just a matter of time. Try and find a creative outsource if you can too, like drawing, music, photography, etc. You'd be surprised how much that can help.

 

It's amazing how helpful it can be simply to have someone to talk to. It's a sad indictment on society, and how isolated we've become from each other that in order to find someone to talk to, you eventually have to pay someone to listen (a therapist). I did have a therapist that was a good listener, for a while (until the insurance would no longer cover his fees). I would see him a couple of times a week, for an hour at a time. Then he began to have to charge 25 dollars a visit, and increasing. Being strapped for cash, I had to quit after a while.

People on the outside can't seem to identify with or sympathize with your need for companionship to help get through the pain of living. Neighbors, friends, even relatives don't have sufficient time free to just be a listening ear anymore, it seems. They either don't have the time, or the patience, or the willingness. And getting things sorted out all by oneself is hardly the answer. Clarity only seems to come from being able to bounce things off others who are willing.

Ganja seems to help me also.

As far as "it" getting better over time,,yes,,it's like we get "used to" the pain, and it doesn't seem as bad once we do. Pain, in whatever form, can be "adjusted to" in time. At first it seems a lot worse than after a while, when we assimilate it and learn to tolerate it. Then it doesn't seem as bad. I think it's because when pain first arises, we have no idea of its limits, or just how much to expect, i.e.,,what are the upper limits of the pain's intensity. When we've experienced pain, and know it's limits, we can adjust to it accordingly, and move on. It's the unknown that's the problem.

 

Well when I was younger I actually talked to multiple therapists, but my mother would pull me from them and put me with another after another. She would get upset when they would explain that I had problems and some related to her, I was a minor so I couldn't do anything about it (no license either). When I went to a psych it was even worse, she claimed I had Bi polar and placed me on a very high dose of seroquil. She refused to listen to me, just gave me a little check list for a test and claimed I was ill and needed medication (she was a very well praised psych too). It screwed me over a lot in HS on top of my other medical issues, but she refused to listen, saying I 'needed medication in order to be normal'. After years of dealing with it I told her I had enough and took myself off of them, I can only imagine it was how opiate withdrawal felt like. I really had no support, and for a long time I was against talking to therapists and what not because 'all they care about is money'. I only JUST found a therapist that I like last month, but she actually listens, and her voice doesn't make me want to rip my ears off. I've come to the conclusion that therapy really is helpful provided you find someone you're comfortable with and who actually wants to help patients. It's nice to have a neutral source to let your emotions out, who can then record and properly help you see maybe what you can't.

I agree on the people not wanting to listen though, and the 'getting use to' pain thing. No one was really able to relate with my problems because I had so many things, and I felt like I was just complaining too much after awhile. That or I had people try and make it almost into a competition, "Oh YOU have it bad? Well I had this, this and THIS happen to me!". Like you said, I just became use to the pain, and moreso embraced it. Pain isn't a bad thing really, everyone needs it to learn, grow character, and know what happiness truly is... it's just the isolation that can be unbearable at times (also the unknown as you pointed out). Needless to say I still have issues I'm going through, but life has been A LOT better then how it was just a few years ago.

 

Yay for that.

 

PCOS is crappy It shouldn't alter anything other than the quality of your periods and fertility though (among side effects like excess hair, weight gain and acne etc.) Your natural oestrogen is being supressed by the contraceptive pill though, which is why your levels will be low, but the fact that you have periods means it isn't too low. When I say your natural oestrogen is low, your synthetic oestrogen will be high, so nothing there should really be altered. You might have increased testosterone though. PCOS can be treated, though not cured. When you can, via insurance or whatever (I'm totally blessed with the NHS over here), it's worth exploring. May well be linked. I have depression and anxiety too, so I can sympathise. I really hope you feel better soon.

 

I tried the therapist thing when I had insurance(don't currently), n it seem 2 make it worse.only bc I had a bad 1, I'm sure it wouldve been 100% better if I had found a decent 1..idk I'm gna try 2 keep positive, but I do have a stash of xannex so that definitely helps.. Again thnx 4 sharing your stories, gives me some hope and people 2 relate 2!

 

My god I'd be dead by now if it wasn't for ganja. I've tried od'ing a few times (long ago) but no succeSs.. N haven't thought about it ina while(til semi recently, not that I would)..I know it'll pass, just those inbtwn times..

 

Yeah those always suck. :/

 

Hell yeah they do!

 

I've certainly been there...I actually attempted when I was 15. Now I smoke cannabis, that seems to help me. If I feel suicidal I just smoke some and it helps me calm down and think about things more objectively so I don't act on such thoughts. Though tolerance is kind of a bitch so on occasion I use other things like vicodin and kratom...and I drink but I try not to rely on that too much

I am also going to look into maybe getting professional help, because sometimes the drugs alone just don't cut it...though I imagine if I get hassled too much about my drug use by the professionals I'd probably end up declining their help. Because telling me to go sober would be like telling someone in sever physical pain to just suck it up and deal with it which wouldn't be very nice.

 

Long time ago I was suicidal. We're talking about something that was over 25 ywars ago. You know what stopped me from thinking like that? realizing that all the sperm-gurgling gutter-slut ass-fucks that I despise, would LOVE to see me die! I die, they rejoice. So if I live, it doesn't exactly bother them, but they really get no enjoyment out of it.

So the longer I stay alive the more I enjoy inconveniencing them.

So the longer I stay alive the more of a thorn in their asses I can be.
wurx pher me!

 

I know this thread is old, but I'm thinking about comitting suicide atm.

 

why!?

 

bcuz life suxx

 

you all know how i feel about this issue. suicide is a big deal, should not be taken lightly. but if someone has no choice, they have no choice. we can't try to sway them, can't try to help them ultimately. they will do what they want to. some people have it real tough, some others make it tough on themselves and some just got dealt a real shitty hand. that's something people find hard to understand, some people get dealt a bad hand. and some people need peace, they need to be at peace finally. so if they need to die to get that peace, so be it. life is real and life isn't fair. life is a deathmatch as far as i can see, who can outlive the next. some don't stand a chance..

 

Talk to them:

Nagon att tala med Samaritans
GOTHENBURG
Hotline: (46) 31 711 2400
Nationella Hjälplinjen
Box 22335
104 22
Stockholm
Contact by: - Phone
Hotline: 020 22 00 60
Website: nationellahjalplinjen.se
Hours:
Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs: 05:00 - 22:00

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/sweden-suicide-hotlines.html

 

yh tried that, doesnt werk -.- but thx anyways.

 

www.suicideforum.com might be a good place to talk about this


www.befrienders.org should have an up-to-date list of suicide hotlines world-wide



do you want to say more about what is going on?

 

THAT is awesome!!!!

 

Its okay, found this site http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/