suicide..

Any1 here every thought about it? How did u dig yourself out of your despair?

 

Hi hun. Yes, I have been there before and have thought about it several times, but you also have to think about the aftermath of what happens. You family will be devastated and feel like it was their fault, it will kill them emotionally. Suicide is a very selfish thing to do, you don't want to see what tomorrow will bring? I was lucky enough to have a girl friend by my side that loved me and stuck by me through my mental shit. I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression after being robbed at gunpoint at work. The bad part is that my girlfriend was a manager and was working that night with me. We were both separated and the last thing I heard before the guy hit me over the head with is gun was a gun shot. So in my mind I though they shot my g/f and left her for dead....it was terrible and I still have to deal with the PTSD and depression. I've tried several types of medicine but the thing that works best for me is ganja.

Always remember, you are here for a reason even though you don't know why yet you are. Try to hang in there and think positively even though it's really hard for you to do that at times. And when you are feeling down and hopeless just think to yourself "I am loved"

 

I think about it all the time, I have for 5 or more years now, at least every day, and I have not been able to 'dig myself' out of it

 

Ganja is my best friend..hehe..thanks 4 ur input, I appreciate it..

 

Me either my friend, me either..

 

I read something online about depression the other day. They said that more than half of the people with depression are suffering from some type of chemical embalance and don't even know it. My friend was recently hospitalized because her thyroid is all kinds of fucked up, her thyroid levels have been dangerously low and one of the side effects of it is major depression. I've been going by her house daily to check on her because I'm so damned worried about her.

 

yeah, mine is probably a result of the fact that my thyroid and ovaries are borked

 

You should really take care of that hun, it can really fuck your entire body up. My best friend is having full body cramps because of it. I went to her house yesterday and found her laying naked in the shower floor not able to get dressed or even move because they were do debilitating.

 

I've never contemplated killing myself- I'm too scared to. But I've plenty thought I'd be better off dead, like it's an easier option. I'm a very happy person on the outside, very sociable and friendly, so I was worried about enlisting the help of a friend to talk to when my friends believe I'm very happy-go-lucky. I did eventually start talking to an amazing friend, and from then on it became easier to talk to others. When I hit the real time low of never seeing a way out and being tearful constantly, never being able to sleep, seeing nothing but obstacles in front of me and feeling physically ill, I visited my doctor. I was diagnosed with mild-moderate depression and anxiety. She gave me my options- the main two being councelling and antidepressants. Since I'd just started talking to people about what was causing my problems, I opted for antidepressants. It's not that I want them, so many people are scared to take them now because of the idea that too many doctors describe them when they don't need them and initially I was one of those. Quite often though, they're prescribed by responsible doctors who help you make informed decisions. Choose a doctor that you trust. Besides that, I was recommended a healthy eating pattern and exercise, and to inform my university, which I've done so. The important thing is to remember that should you ever be diagnosed with a mental illness, mental doesn't mean it's just in your mind. It's very real and physical, there are chemical imbalances that contribute to your highs and your lows. I had to up my dose of antidepressants and I'm by no means cured, I still don't feel well in myself. But I feel better, I'm certainly on the up. I only started taking these tablets 8 weeks ago too

So I guess the answer to your question is: recognise you're not alone. Talk to people. And admit there's a problem, get your booty to the doctor. Don't spend too long dwelling, get up out of bed early and get plenty of fresh air, enjoy some hot baths (not too long!) and consume small amounts of dark chocolate. It's good for our female/happy hormones.

 

The only thing I can really do for it is to take birth control for hormone replacement, which I do, but my system is still entirely fucked heh

 

Suicide is not an "alternative lifestyle".

Hmmm,,

I've had depressive episodes, and seriously contemplated suicide several times in my life. Once, while staying for observation at a local mental hospital, I even thought of a way to end it, though they'd taken away all my belts, shoelaces, etc.

When there's a will, there's always a way. I spent the entire night, that time, just trying to pump myself up for it, but just ended up sobbing hysterically. The psych they assigned me called it "narcissistic hystrionics", which I believe means an "extreme case of feeling sorry for oneself", and even implies a kind of "self-delusional play-acting". It didn't FEEL like I was "acting", but the brain really plays tricks on you when it's chemically out of whack, and your perceptions are distorted. This is why you can't simply "pull yourself out of it". You can't even see it for what it is, at the time. Your perceptions are off. You can't see that at least in part, your emotions are just doing their own thing, and your sub-conscious is just being "demonstrative".

It's about pain, in its different forms, either physical or emotional, either real or merely "perceived", as in a waking nightmare, and how much capacity one has to endure the pain.

But even more basically, as has been mentioned, it's a chemical imbalance, not merely a set of circumstances. Given the same circumstances, some might be better able to endure, depending upon their brain chemistry. SSRI's (anti-depressant drugs) inhibit the "re-uptake" of serotonin in the brain, at the gaps where it's needed to supply us with a "good mood". If too much serotonin is "re-uptaken", it isn't available to the brain to chemically enable a "good mood". A shortage of serotonin causes this, as too much gets "re-uptaken" by the overactive mechanisms in the brain, when it needs to be available. Anti-depressants that are SSRI's (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) simply keep the serotonin from being "uptaken" and made unavailable when it's needed.

But I'm not a real fan of anti-depressants. The one I was on (Paxil) made me so tired, I couldn't function well at work, so when the circumstances changed, and my depression lifted, I quit taking them. I wasn't on it that long, so I didn't experience the withdrawls some have had.

But now, much later, I have RLS (restless leg syndrome), which some have reported often happens as a result of having been on anti-depressants.

But it's hell if your brain is telling you to fuck off and die. You need support.

 

Thanx 6or the input every1, glad 2 know I'm not totally alone here.. Pills aren't really an option ( no insurance)..I'd love somethn though, anything 2 get me 2 not think about it so much..I have noone IRL that I can't talk 2 about this... Sux! Wish there was a happy button 2 push or somethng. Anything 2 help me feel even a little better would be just fabulous..guess 4 now I just gta deal, but in all honesty I can only say FML so many times, b4 I seriously start thinkn of ending it all..thanx again guys, u all rock!

 

Well,,suicide's not the end of the world,,

Oh, wait.

 

Actually, even if there's something that will work to help us out of the depression, our brain often tells us not to take it, since the depression leaves one with a feeling of general hopelessness, like "Fuck it, nothing's gonna work". It's helpful to recognize that these are simply "scripts" that the brain is playing, and not "the real situation". It's like pessimism. It's not dependent upon the situation. It's just got a "life" of its own, due to the chemical dynamics of our brain.

I think it helps to have people to talk with, bring things "into the light", so to speak. When we're isolated, our vision is narrowed considerably.

I remember someone saying "Don't let yourself get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, or too Tired (H-A-L-T).

 

Yeah, that kind of why I started this thread..I have no1 IRL who I can really talk to, my boyfriend has never had depression so it's pretty pointless to even try to talk to him.. Family is also not an option, because for the most I'm the caretaker of them all.. Normally, the depression comes and goes but for some reason this spell is lingering.. Things just seem like they can't get any worse ( realistically I know they could).. Just sick of the constant hopeless feeling and no1 to really unload on who gets it..

 

Oh n btw...I got RLS as well..

 

Read The Zen Path Through Depression and or The Depression Book. Last summer I started getting this intense feelings of complete dread that had no cause or purpose. Everything seemed to be completely meaningless as well as infinite and condescending in a way. The only way to escape from this pit seemed to be suicide, but something inside said that wasn't right at all. I don't know if what I experienced was a spiritual crisis or a "chemical imbalance" or what, but reading those books and meditating helped me. I do not get those feelings anymore, but I do feel a much more manageable depression that has its causes. I know if those terrible feelings return, I have a transpersonal psychologist to aid me through the process.

 

What's wrong with it?

 

I'm usually consumed by a sense of meaninglessness to my existence, but suicide feels equally meaningless and therefore not desireable.

Oh the human condition, trapped in a psyche, in a body, cursed with higher reasoning and the irony of an unreasonable world, self-obsessed "I'm hungry, my toe hurts, does anyone like me?" and still constantly seeking a sense of connection to the world at large.

Life is short no matter what kills you.

Opening your eyes and your mind every day is all you get for being alive, just being is your prize.

 

I have PCOS and it messed with all my systems and shit because my body never properly made estrogen due to the fact that my ovaries are damaged and covered with cysts that cannot be removed, which messed with other hormone type shit in my body. I've god MDD and anxiety disorders, I have absolutely no idea if they're related but sometimes I wonder