First off, stay alive. No sense in wasting a life, you only live once. If it's not working for you, fix it, or even change yourself, if you have to become a radically different person, if you enjoy life, at least it's a life being enjoyed. Second.... you don't sound very suicidal to me. It sounds like you're telling yourself something is wrong, subconsciously pushing your self to change something. Guns have a waiting period, you can't just walk out the door, it's like two weeks until you can take it home, after you buy it. And they're expensive. If you really wanted to die, you would have done it, you can die in traffic on any street corner, running onto a jet runway, with a railroad spike, squeezing your own head in a vice........ Life's not so bad, or you wouldn't still be here.
while im not much help.i understand how it feels.everyday i think about ending it.havent done it yet.the thing that keeps me from doing it is i dont want to feel it or wait for it.dont have the money for a gun and im sure that would hurt like a mother fucker for a few seconds.thought about slicing my throat but then i gotta sit there bleeding all over the place and waiting to pass out. none of my friends or family would care though.i dont talk to any of my family.they all hate me for no reason.my friends are only worried about what they can out of me for free.im tired of life,courts,cops,being broke as fuck.tired of being tired 24/7 no matter how much sleep i get,tired of the physical and emotional pain,tired of my ex fuckin with my life,tired of my mother being in pain and dieing for the last 20 years cause i opened my mouth. sorry for the little hijack.i hope things turn around for you and you can be happy again.
Would you be interested in admitting yourself to in-patient therapy? I've had my bout with suicidal thought and after it got bad I was hospitalized (not a medical one, just for therapy). While the therapy wasn't amazingly helpful, it helped me pick myself up and I even got meds.
I saw that someone posted the suicide hotline number...honestly, Burnt, try it. I've never really been suicidal but I've had suicidal thoughts back when I was doing drugs and that phone number really helped me when I was at my wit's end
When I get that low again I might try a suicide hotline, they must be very caring people to take time out of their lives to help someone they do not know.
Haha, I actually called them when i was having some serious problems and the person I talked to didn't help at all. It did feel good to talk to someone though xD I guess it depends on who you talk to, but yeah, save that number in your phone for urgent needs
I lost a good friend just last week on July 1st to suicide. He drove up to a pass deep in the mountains and jumped off a bridge. It was a solid 4 second fall into a lake. How people decided to go out i think really says a lot about a small part of their character. He picked a beautiful spot. Part of me thinks jumping for him was the most peaceful way to go out. I hadn't seen him several months, and the last time i did see him everything seemed to be same old him. He was a great person who got along with everyone for the most part. A goofy fucker to say the least. : ) The more i think about him and why he did this, i hold nothing against him. Society is rotten to a lot of people. He was tired of starting over, being broke, having his heart ripped out in two different relationships and his views on the world wouldn't change for him. I relate a lot to him in trying to fit into a world where you have to do something a certain way. Sometimes it really feels like nothing we do is free will... life can be very depressing. He just decided to take the next step to what some might call, the ultimate unknown. His funeral is tomorrow and its going to be sad, and its going to be a reunion for a lot of people. This is a pretty big deal because of the people who knew him well from being the same age or around it, this is the first of us to choose go out this way. We've been very fortunate thus far. We all miss him a lot already. He was 28.
