Suffering With P. T. S. D.

I've been suffering with PTSD pretty much all my life from abuse and I ended up with an abusive man for 5 and half years. A lot of people are angry at me and some people simply don't understand why I stayed with an abusive man. This is simply I don't get myself. I stayed with him even though he abused me and I did everything I could for him. I loved him thinking this would change him and nothing worked. Now I'm aware that he won't ever change. There's a time I even remember telling my family and a few close friends of mine, "No he's not like that anymore. He's changed." He always told me a reason why he was angry or abusing me. He mostly abused me emotionally, verbally and mentally. My self esteem is so low right now and I'm trying to boost it back up. There's still days where I'll cry to myself and think that it's my fault. There's a lot of people who are angry at me too because I never left and believe me I've tried and anytime I tried he threatened to kill me or he emotionally blackmailed me somehow. In the end he left me for another girl and I know this for a fact because he's done it before and when he's done with her he'll come back to me and beg for forgiveness and tell me that he's changed. Once he told me that he found God and that he's not the way he used to be anymore. Than eventually I caught onto the pattern and knew that he would never change. "Action speak louder than words." I'm now seeing a therapist and I know I won't ever get involved with an abusive man again. Just wanted to put this on here and see if anyone else could relate to me somehow. The more I think about it, I believe I ended up getting involved with an abusive man is because I witnessed my father abusing my mother when I was younger and I'm assuming that I thought this was normal.

 

I cant relate Mate but I read your post and it made me sad ! Hope everything works out for you and that your life gets much better

 

I feel like this is what's important for you to do now. You're already doing what I would advise in your situation!

 

Like having any other chronic disease, PTSD just plain sucks and I sympathize. I've treated my own by studying the Tao Te Ching and a lot of Vietnam Vets I know practice meditation, but I could never achieve that myself. Some of the Vets are obsessive about meditating every chance they get, but whatever works for you. Good luck with yours.

 

I am so sorry you went thru this Peaceful_LotusFlower,try not to blame yourself..... You thought you knew him...

 

I'm sorry that you had to go through even one moment of this. People won't understand why you stayed, that's probably not something you can change no matter how much you try to explain. In any relationship things can be grey on the inside. On the outside, to others, it is simply black and white. But it's not your job to explain yourself either.

The best thing you can do is love yourself. Seeing a therapist is a major step in the right direction. You can speak the truth without any judgment. You deserve that.

I know it can be painful, because you once loved and trusted this person. You also thought he felt the same. And when that suddenly changed, I'm sure it was painful and confusing for you. Know that you did the right thing by ending it. Put yourself first. Good luck with everything. I hope you find peace.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kf4PspAHizI&list=FLiITNvgjm7dDaWyxNFKtIeA&index=35

 

I feel your paranoia.

As if just feeling like I was becoming part of a community of nice people, next thing I'm getting yellow jacket cunts walking into my house and refusing to leave without getting me on my back on the floor in one cuff.

At that point I agreed that I didn't have any choice in what anything happened from then and then on

I'm still slightly traumatised

Next time they do that I will use my hands and my arms to eject them, yellow fucking jacket or no yellow jacket! :-(

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kf4PspAHizI&list=FLiITNvgjm7dDaWyxNFKtIeA&index=35

Shit what just happened, just as I was making friends with some nice people around here

 

No this one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTcCx-t3doQ

fucking this one I hope...

 

that's the one, now I can watch it from the start and enjoy it like I hope you will

 

Thank you for everyone replies! I appreciate this a lot that there's people out there who are supportive and who understand. This week I'm going to see my Therapist and hopefully little by little I'll feel better about things going on in my life. I'm also planning on meditating and trying to get into art. I'm just a beginner though. I've always wanted to do art, I just didn't because I had such horrible low self esteem as I was with my abuser. The hurricane is the name of my abuser that's going on now and I feel upset anytime I see it on the screen. Sometimes I have to walk out of the room and I end up putting on music to help relax me. I didn't go into full detail about everything he did to me and that's okay. To be honest I just didn't want to go deeper because I seriously didn't want to upset anyone on here because I have such a big heart and I care about people's feelings a lot. My abuser always told me how compassionate and loving I was. Believe he took advantage of this. Right now I'm educating myself on abusive men. Men can also become victims of this too and it deeply breaks my heart. When I was with him music soothed my soul. There's times I remember listening to Slowdive in my room while crying myself to sleep. Music is everything to me and I love finding new artists to listen too. I'm even planning on learning the guitar and doing things I missed out on. Right now my healing is the most important thing right now. Thanks for sharing those music videos with me and I'll listen to them.

Thank you for giving me support! I appreciate it a lot!! I'm so glad my abuser is finally out of my life now.

I found this on Youtube and I plan on checking out a few of these artists:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_wfIlyKQ7k

 

You might want to rethink art school; for the time being anyway. School (even if it's only for art) can be very stressful. That's my honest opinion. You might like art, but you might not like the assignments that they want for you to do. It might be a bowl of fruit or some naked model. Maybe you didn't mean through school though. See, there I go making assumptions.

 

Thank you! Art does interest me for art class. It always did. I could always just do art for my own personal enjoyment though. Creating art has always relaxed me and took my mind off of things. For some reason I love abstract art and I'm trying to express myself. I'm a beginner at it though. Anytime I'm upset or feel lonely, I usually pick up my art supplies. I've heard Art was very stressful myself. If you have any pointers for me or idea's for Abstract Art: pretty much anything at all please pm me. I'd love to hear from other people on Art and I'll gladly take advice from others.

 

If you are not seeing a domestic violence counselor now, you might want to.

I'm not sure how likely it is that your abuser will come back, but you might want to take some preventative measures. A counselor may be able to help you with that. Changing address and contact info is something to think about, and possibly a restraining order.

 

I suffer from PTSD, unfortunately for me it is not reversible.

 

^^ Why Not...???.....Almost Anything Is Reversible With The Support Of The Right People......



Cheers Glen.

 

You say "My abuser" a lot


The insecure/agro/childish guys are a lot easier to control, more likely to stick around if no other girl wants them

 

Yes I'm planning on doing this actually. From what I know he abused two other girls besides me and both of them reached out to me and told me that he did the same thing to them. So I know I'm not alone. He even threatened them with a gun....

 

you have gotten some excellent advice....you do not DESERVE to be treated like that nor does anyone else
life is fleeting and meant to be lived in happiness...sure we all have difficult times but to keep yourself in an
abusive situation is simply not healthy...you are stronger than you think so please do not let any man treat
you that way