stupid stoner moments

That reminds me. . .

The first time one of my friends truly got stoned, the people he was with told him he burned his eyebrows off with the lighter. He freaked out and was trying to think of what to tell his parents in the morning.

 

I was at work and I was bringing in high chairs from outside, I went to open the door (these doors are heavy too) well anyways I tried to hold the door open with my butt and it closed right on me and I fell on my face right in front of all of the costumers and I couldn't stop laughing. When the chairs fell too they made a loud noise.

 

I was with 10 of my friends when one of them decided to take whippits. After he did he grabbed the counter for balance then he fell and whacked his head off the counter and got knocked out for 5 minutes. In the mean time all of my other friends and myself were stoned off of our asses. We couldn't help but laugh. When 3 minutes ahd gone by and he was still on the floor we decided he was dead. We started thinking about where we were going to dump his body in the woods some where. We didn't want to get arreested for what happened to him. When he got up and was fine we didn't even notice.

 

oh man there was this one time i was chilling in my friends room after 2 bong bowls and im on his couch and hes like on the floor next to his bed and im so deep in thought and all of the sudden he moves and i got so scared that chills litterally went up my spine and he said i had the most terified look on my face. it was so funny we laughed for like 20 mins about it, and we still laugh about it when we bring it up.

 

Jesus...that sandwich story on page 1 kept me laughin' for a good 15 minutes...my mom thought I lost my damn mind.

Anyways...the second time I ever got high, my girlfriend was sitting on the counter in the kitchen, and I was sprawled out in the middle of the floor with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, grubbin' out. All of the sudden she said, "Oh my freakin' God, your mom is home...get up, get up, get up!" I was trying to stand but my socks were slick on the floor and I kept falling...then, for some unknown reason, I felt the need to hide my Doritos so I sat on them. lmao...My mom found me curled up on the floor with bits of chips all over my ass, laughing hysterically.

Another time, I was high AND drunk while me, my cousin, and my girlfriend were at a gas station, getting munchies. We got back in the car to go back home, and all the cars around us seemed to be going extremely slow so I stuck my head out of the window and started yelling, "G-DDAMN, IDITS, DRIVE!! DRIVE!!" Turned out, she hadn't even started the car yet and I was yelling at parked vehicles.
Idits was supposed to be idiots...but it has become cemented in our vocabulary, stoned or not.

 

me n my bf, had never smoked w/ eachother(weird i kno) 7 months into our relationship. anyways, we got stoned. he got on his skateboard, and put his arms strait out(for balance i guess), and stood there
"hey vanessa why isn't my skateboard working?"
"you forgot to turn it on stupid"
he said "o" and then fell off his skateboard, and we laid on the floor anywhee from 5 mins to 45mins.

also...
i got stoned again(and my bf dint know), about 2 hrs later, and came back to my friends house, cus thatwhere my bf was. i got the mad munchies and made likea 16 layer quasedia. i sat next to my boyfriend thinking that maybe i could rip his nose off w/o him noticing...i tried, but it didnt work.
Then, he kept taking pieces of my quesadilla(proabably 1), so i tried to hide the pieces behind my ear so he wouldnt notice.

note:he didnt know i got high the second time, and was completely sober

 

and then another time, my firend walked in REALLY slow motion over to us, cus he thought he was an astronaut
"are you high jared"
"WWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYY WWWWWOOOOOOUUUUUUUULLLLLDDDDDD IIIIIIBBBBBBEEEEEEE HHHHHIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHH"

 

haha, these stories on here are hilarious.

I remember one time I went to driver's ed really stoned (mainly because I always feel less stoned when I'm at home, and realize I'm more stoned when I'm out). When I sit down I realize that I'm REALLY dizzy. I started putting my hands on the desk to keep myself up, and for some reason my hands kept naturally going to hold my head and run through my hair every 5 seconds, and I was incredibly afraid of falling over. So, as you could assume my heart is racing at an incredible pace now, out of fear that someone is going to notice how completely weird I'm being. Some dude asks for a pencil, like this moron did everyday, and I grab one out my bag and throw it onto his desk without looking at him. I was so nervous at this point that paying attention to notes and taking them was completely futile.Finally, just before the end of class I look at the over-head projector and feel myself get really light-headed and boom! the unthinkable happens... down goes Jon! Everyone is like "are you okay?" and I get up and leave without my things.

I find this is the way I always am when I'm high, or used to be. I would get so nervous and flip out and walk away from the situation. Like once this cashier at the grocery store was like "you need more", and I'm like "what" and he says "You need more money", and I'm like "what", he repeats himself without telling me the amount I owe, so instead of doing the intelligent thing and adding it up, or looking on the register for the amount I leave my shit and the $3.60 and walk out. I have since adapted to the extreme high, and am able to articulate ideas when I'm put in any type of situation, but at that point, when you're that young, you still think that it matters what people think when you're blazed out.

 

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

that story rules.

but about getting nervous that sucks bro. i know wut you mean. i used to get wicked baked before one of my english classes and the teacher would look at me for soooo long, or least it seemed that way. and once i had to give a speech in front of the class and i was like FUCK I CAN'T FIND MY NOTECARDS and everyone was they are in your hands!!!

 

haha, yeah. I know when someone stares at you and time seems like it's lasting forever. Generally when I'm high around strangers in public I try to just completely disassociate myself with the world. If I don't, I'll get pretty creeped out. Falling down at work is always a good stoner moment, but only for other people, not for you. For you it's like your world has just crashed down around you. I remember my waiter at Perkins once fell and dropped the food all over the place. He didn't seem to fazed, though. The more you smoke the less you care what people think about you, or what stupid things you do when you're high. THat's really the main reason why the stoners are so laid back. They've just completely disengaged.

 

Usually me and my friends try to do something about the smell before we do anything, but about two weeks ago we smoked a few bowls at my friends house and passed a cone around my car on the way to see a movie. We reeked to high heaven, and realized we had no smelly stuff to cover it up. We figured it was no big deal, walked into the theatre, and the ticket guy just says, "just don't hotbox the theatre guys, i don't care what you do, but if i get any compliants i'll have to ask you to leave."

Wouldn't have been a big deal if not for the fact the guy said it kinda loud, and a mom and her two small kids were right behind us, so embarassing.

 

Best soner/drunk/party moment for me was:

It was new years, and we having a party at my friends apartment. This place is tiny, a one bedroom deal with a kitchen and living room. They have two couches so its really crowded. Anyway, we had about 40 peopl in this place, it ws like shoulder to shoulder. Everybody was drinking and being loud. The people next door kept banging on the walls and kept knocking on the door asking us to quiet down. Anyway, me and the guy that lived there and a couple other people were outside after everybody left 4 a while to go to dennys. We were tokin' it up, and were all drunk. After that we all go back inside, were all standin around talking and chilling when somebodies cell phone rang, and it was one of our friends who was at dennys. She said they were gonna be back in about thirty minutes. So we were like cool, lets toke some more, while we wait for everybody. We smoked inside cause it was cold as balls on the balcony, and right in the middle of it, we hear a knock and voices outside. I went to the door, cause I ws the most sober, but still really stoned. I opened it up thinking it was our friends getting back, but it ws 4 security guards and the neighbors! I was in shock, and the head guard was like, are you guys having a party? We have gotten more than ten complaints toinite about you guys. Then he ws like, do you live here? Josh that owns the place was hiding inthe bedroom with everybody else, so I just said yeah. The asked to come in and see what was goig on, so i let em. The place wsa trashed, bottles every where, and hazy with pot smoke. They knew what was up, but every body was gone. I was still trying to pass it off like there wasn't a party out of stupidity, so I was like, yeah the place is amess, I was drinking last night and a little today to celebrate the new year. And I smoke so it sells like cigarretes in here. They were like, sure, ok, whatever. I kept rambling on, and they fnally left. The neighbor lady felt sorry cause the place was such a mess and offered to help me clean and said I could hang with them instead of drinking alone. They finally left, and everybody came out. Then every body got back from dennys, and the party resumed. Not a minute later, the security guards were back. Everybody hustled in the bedroom, like everybody. I answered the door again, and the guard was like, dude I just watched all those people go in your place. I looke at him really seriously, drunk off my ass, and really stoned, and said, man, you need to lay off the pot, there is nobody here but me! You can look around again if you want, you were just here. I don't know anything about all those people. So, he came in and looked again. Apparently my friend josh heard the front door close and thought the guard had left, and everybody walked out before I could stop them. they escorted every body out and confiscated the stereo for the night, and told josh he'd be out the next day. Sure enough, josh ws living with me the next two weeks, but got another apartment at the same place.

 

This is why apartments suck.You guys should save up and buy a house.

 

so.. i got faded with my friend.. and we got mad munchies. so after two quesadllas and a oven made lasangna... we went into the kitchen and handed my friend a plum. fisrt.. i throw it at her and she drops it.. all dumb like... then washes it off cuz its all dirty. then she takes a bite and goes.. are pears supposed to be soft? i look at her... and im like dude. thats a plum... shes like oh shit! so then we go to smoke a cigarette and she swlike.. dude that peach was awsome.... and im like.. DUDE.. it was a plum.. really nonchalantly she goes.. oh.. shit...

 

My two friends Jeff and Adam went on a cruise with me to Taco Bell a few weeks back and it was still really early, like 9:30. But the Taco Bell near me is retarded and closes at 10. So we go up to the counter and they make me order first because they both complain that they're too high to order and that they need a minute. So I walk up to the counter and place my order, all the while wondering how the time would effect the amount of spit/ejaculate in my order, and he asks "for here or to go?" I turn around to ask Adam what time it is and he says "it's quarter of ten", so me, being the genius that I am, turn around and repeat "it's quarter of ten [twenty second pause]. To go."

And the next time the three of us went smoking we rolled a blunt and chilled out at this field. But there were a bunch of bugs near our tree. After a few minutes of smoking we started noticing a bunch of bites on our legs and Jeff says "Dammit Dylan, get all these bugs out of here!" So then I whip out my lighter and shout "FEAR THE FLAME!" and started swinging it like a sword for like ten seconds before we all fell down laughing.

I dunno if those are funny to anyone else, but every time we think about those nights we laugh.

 

I lit the wrong end of a blunt, but to be fair it was dark, I was baked, and I had drank about 22 beers plus a sip or 2 of some vodka. I had to hit it while taking a piss to lol because everyone was scared that I'd get too fucked up. Ash from a blunt flying into ur mouth from the wrong end is horrible.

 

i was high as shit one time at the skatepark and i was doing an approch on the box to 50-50 it and i forgot wat i was doin and i hit the box and fell really hard and just started laughin my ass off.

 

I have a few really good stoned stories!

The first one was a Wednesday, me and this kid decided to skip school and toke all day long. It was lunchtime, and he said he'd buy us both Taco Bell because I'd bought the pot, but I had to drive to the restaurant alone because he didn't want his mom to call (she thought he was home sick). So I drove to taco bell and lit up a cig in the parking lot. I ended up sitting in my car for 10 minutes just watching myself french inhale in the mirror, and when I noticed people giving me weird looks, I remembered I was supposed to be getting the food! So I go in and try to act all nonchalant, but I fuck up the order and pretty much ordered the easiest thing to say, and then when I went to fill up the soft drinks, I couldn't find the lids anywhere. People were staring at me and finally like 3 minutes later I saw that they were right next to me the whole time!

Another time we were sitting in a parked car smoking cigs right after we'd toked, and I forgot my window was up. I went to ash, and of course the cig hit the window and sparks flew all over inside the car! It totally freaked me out, and everyone else was laughing hysterically at me!

The best time was my friend's birthday, so we had a few people at her house and we toked outside in a tent. Afterward, we were sleeping in the tent and the sprinklers came on. We freaked out and all went to run inside, but I was trying not to drop all the blankets and pillows I had in my hands, so I ran looking down. As I looked up, I saw two of my friends with the funniest expressions ever on their faces. Right as I saw that, I ran right smack into the sliding glass door, and there was a huge Boom! Then everyone made fun of me the rest of the night, and I made fun of myself too!

Another time, my friend and I were out toking in the woods next to Lake Michigan, and we decided to walk out onto the beach. I started feeding this seagull our grapes, and she started freaking out about how it looked evil. Then it started cawing, and like 10 more seagulls flew over. She flipped out and start yelling that they were going to attack us and we had to leave all all this shit, so I sat there laughing trying to calm her down. Then suddenly she jumped up and ran, screaming at the top of her lungs. I chased her a good 50 feet, but stopped and just watched her. She was running down the beach screaming "Go the fuck away, leave me the fuck alone" waving her hands around her head, and as this was happening, she ran like 5 feet in front of this family of 5, and they all just sat there and stared at her. Finally I ran back to grab all of our sit and walked past them like they didn't even exist. I found my friend hiding in the woods in this outhouse, peeking out from behind the door.

FUNNIEST SHIT EVERRRRRRRRR.