Stuck In A Rut

So lately my boyfriend has just been stuck in a rut. He feels miserable because he's stuck in a routine. He works 1.5 jobs right now and is taking on another part time job to be able to afford everything (groceries, rent, car insurance, utilities, gas, etc.), and goes to school 3 days a week on top of that- working toward being a firefighter. We've been in a relationship for almost a year and a half as well. He drives a used car, lives with a roommate, and we don't travel spend money on things like concerts, events, eating out, etc.

I don't know what would be a good job that changes each day but he would still make enough to support the basic things, and he can't really take off and move right now since he's in school for another year or so. He's in his 20's, and I feel he's just getting his first taste of adulthood- ya gotta work the same job each day to pay the bills, you just have to take care of your responsibilities to live.

I just don't really know how to help him get out of his rut and feel better about things. If anyone has advice, I would very much appreciate it.

 

How do you have 1.5 jobs?


instead of having 7 different jobs he can maybe focus on one and move up to a lead or manager type position. They usually pay a lot more then regular associates get.

 

I would assume that 1.5 means a part time or per diem job on top of a full-time job.

Getting out of a rut can be tough, but changing your perspective can be just as important. I would recommend to try being happy with less instead of trying to keep up with everyone else. But it can be very tough living these days if you don't make enough money, because the cost of living is not cheap, and it's only going to get worse over time. Even a modest lifestyle can be hard to pull off if you're making much less than $15/hr.

 

When I feel stuck in a rut, I find something new to try. I'm partial to buying plane tickets, but it can be as simple as cooking a new meal or checking out a new art gallery.

 

eh, that extra dollar an hour doesn't add up to that much.

 

The rut is caused by not having a goal, vision, or dream in mind. If it's just daily drudgery for the sake of tomorrow's drudgery, a rut will make sense. There has to be a silver lining somewhere. Can you think of one?

 

When you have a dream of a place , why is no one else there ? One time , long long ago , a
woman asked to see a picture of my dreaming so I drew it . She noticed there was no house
in it . Well , it certainly has not meant no one is home there - just usually and strangely so in
that beautiful wild place . When occasionally a little town comes down from the clouds and
settles in - it's ok . When it departs , there's ropes left tied and dangling from the trees .

 

I would recommend not trying to get him out of his rut. He's there for a reason...he needs to figure it out for himself, it's not your responsibility.

 

pray-about-it-&-have-him-pray-2-that's-what-i-do-when-i'm-stuck

 

So the problem is balancing money in with money out. Financial aid or a pell grant, other grants or scholarships might be available to him. Maybe his school has a financial aid office that might be able to help?

Finding a better job with more pay is an easy answer, it's just that getting that easy answer is usually hard or even impossible. In some cases, workers can simply demand better wages from their bosses. Having another job to go to if the boss says no gives you more leverage.

Rather than living with one roommate, he might want to try living with 4 or more if that brings down the rent. Sometimes you can squeeze extra people into a living space as long as you aren't violating safety regulations. I've seen some places that have successfully converted walk-in closets and living rooms into extra bed rooms. He can also try asking the landlord for a decrease in the rent. If he's a good tenant and pays rent on time, sometimes landlords will do this, but usually only if demand for apartment rentals is not high.

Some states offer free energy audits, and also low cost modifications to make homes more energy efficient. He might want to look into this, though he may need permission from the landlord. Simple things like turning down the thermostat when he's away and at night can help. Taking cooler, shorter showers can save some money. Calking windows can help. There's also special transparent wrap that you can put over windows in the winter to help insulate. The amount he can save on utilities is limited by his roommate's habits though.

For the car insurance, it might be best to drop collision and all other unnecessary coverage. Some insurers offer discounts for low mileage, etc, but you have to apply for them to get them. Switching insurers may get you a lower rate, though you also have to consider the likelihood that they pay out should you need to make a claim. Your state may have an agency with a list of insurers and information about their rates. Smaller insurers that don't advertise much often have better rates.

Different grocery stores will have different prices for the same items, so shopping around can be worthwhile. Sometimes there are coupons in store circulars, online coupons, or sale specials for certain items.

Processed foods tend to be expensive, as well as not good for your health. Getting rid of boxed cereal and brand name foods can save money. Generic or store brand oatmeal will be considerably less expensive and be better for you.

Keeping his car tires inflated and changing (and tapping out) the air filter as recommended could help. Keeping speed at 55mph or below can also save gas.

 

I'm going to have to whole heartedly agree with pressed rat and usedtobehoney. Perspective is a big thing and you shouldn't be trying to get someone "out of a rut" but rather be there to support them, we learn from both good and bad experiences in life.

He's working towards his dream of becoming a firefighter, that will most definitely be a job that changes on the daily once he's there.

 

Help him change his mind. Besides....there are much worse things in life than a rut.

 

She is 18, so boyfriends probably not much older, most are kind of under the gun in this way at 19/20

Actually by the sound of it he has more 'vision' than guys his age if he's off the firefighter school.

 

if he's young and in school and living on his own while working a full and part time job, I think the best advice you can give him is "this too shall pass."

the important thing is not that he finds a new job in the present, the important thing is he keeps doing what he needs to do to stay in school so he can one day do something he loves and deems worthwhile.

 

i've found the same thing doesn't work for two different people.
what we all need is to stop creating a culture that creates so much stress.

 

Yes, where everyone can put no effort in to get ahead, and everybody gets paid the same

Just make sure no one says communism out loud, then we should all be fine

 

Oh, the places you'll go, you'll get so stuck in a rut that you become a stuck rut-slut.

(and then you'll spend the rest of your life there and die bitter and miserable - the end)

 

It sounds like he's fairly driven for someone in his early 20's. Part of being that age is the struggle. Like Meliai said, it will pass (hopefully). What type of work is he doing? If he can't find work in his field, maybe he can do some restaurant work, you can make a decent living compared to the retail or non-profit sector, when you're young.

 

Give that boy a 3som.

That'll fix something.

 

Thanks for all the advice! ^_^

He's currently working in a group home with three autistic individuals and loves his job most of the time, wouldn't want to give it up, and makes about $14/hour working 36-38 hours a week. On top of that, he helps his brother with construction once in awhile, and his boss owes him quite a bit of money, but the workers don't get paid until the boss is paid, and that's when the job is completed. He'll start working as a marketing assistant for a nursing home here in a month or so, and I'm hoping having a differing schedule each day might help lift his mood.

As far as finances go, that's just something that frustrates him- he works all the time to pay the basic bills, comes home tired and miserable, and then has to get up the next day and do it all over again. The way I see it, it's just what he has to do right now to be able to live. I don't know what else to tell him except it sucks now, but it'll get better here in a year. Just gotta hold on and stay positive until then.

I just wish he'd have a more positive outlook on things instead of being negative about it all the time. I'm hoping he'll figure things out for himself and learn to deal with this in the way best for him. In the meantime, I offer my support, but I can't help much if he isn't willing to adjust his perspective on things. He's honestly in a great place for someone who is 20 years old- he has stable jobs, stable housing, a car, a steady relationship, good friends, a generally supportive family. He's got this goal of being a firefighter and he's pretty into that.