Struggling with Mental Health, Family and Coming Out

Hi all,

I'm new around here, so please forgive me if this is something that has been discussed before.

To begin with, I'm 37 and from the UK.

Anyway, to begin with, I always thought of myself as straight, but towards the latter end of my teans I had feelings towards guys, I had a secret crush on a guy at school and when I finally got to the age of 19, I had my first experience with a man.

I then kind of repressed my feelings for many many years, but when I finally moved out on my own, I started indulging in gay porn and enjoying it.

Right up until only about 3 or 4 years ago, I realised I still have feelings for women and for men, but getting stronger for men.

I went on holiday to Amsterdam in 2018 and went in the red light district, I had experiences with men, women, transgender people as well, I wanted to revisit these feelings, and I still feel confused.

Backtracking to about 2008 ish time, I had a major breakdown and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Despite lots of ups and downs I've never been quite able to put my finger on it as to what is causing me such distress, but now starting to think some of it is down to me being unsure of my sexuality. These breakdowns have happened about 3 times between 2008 and 2019.

Anyway, I feel like I may want to come out, I have to some very close friends only, but my family is a different matter ...... my parents (dad especially) is rather biggoted and has made numerous homophobic comments over the years and it worries me if and when he finds out that I'm either bi or gay (not even sure which myself, although think more bi)

Any suggestions or comments?

Thanks in advance

 

Sounds like you had some fun. I don't know mate. I wouldn't hold it against you if you were gay, but I can't help but feel like you could chalk all that up to experimentation. I wouldn't worry, and would not bother with "coming out" unless you have very supportive friends and family who will accept it and work with you, y'know?

Now that you're 37 it's kind of past the usual time for doing that sort of thing. You went to Amsterdam in 2018 though.

I can relate to having mental health "issues". I've lived with schizophrenia since I was 12 or so; though they didn't know what it was at first. Since I found out, things have gotten easier. It was something that was really hard to accept; I didn't want to believe the diagnosis. But I did know stuff wasn't adding up. There wasn't anyone following me. No one was plotting to kill me. There wasn't any conspiracy to make my life miserable. & I did have a substance abuse problem; at the time of discovering schizophrenia, with alcohol.

The best medicine I can offer you is to try and take mental health very veryy seriously. As for the sexuality stuff, I would chalk it up to good luck and looks. Let it pass by...

 

Woody,
I'm a psychiatric nurse practitioner, and have had many conversations with people just like yourself. First of all, congratulations on the journey to find out who you are and what you really enjoy in life, you're having experiences that others are scared to have or do not have. As for whether you are bisexual, gay, straight or whatever....consider not placing a label on "you" other than that you are yourself, and work on all the many ways you can become a better and happier "you". It seems that you may enjoy sexual relationships with many different people, and that is just like many people out there that may not admit to it. We are all more alike than we sometimes like to admit. Perhaps your breakdown periods are coming from repression of your true sexual self. It is self-frustrating and can be self-destructive. So I might suggest embracing who you are and living your best life. As for your dad, yes I do realize the challenge that this is going to be. If it is contributing to the depression in your life that you have to keep parts of your life from him, then it might be best to take that leap. He may not understand, but if he loves you like a father should perhaps he will find some level of acceptance knowing you are his son. If he totally freaks out or says/does things inappropriately, then you just have to know that you are still your great, wonderful, awesome self and that other people may not understand, but instead of spending our energy on wondering why or trying to convince others, use that energy for reaching your potential, whatever you perceive that to be. Now, if you do not think telling him is essential in your life, maybe you keep it something that you keep private. Many details of my life I keep just to myself like my own little relationship within myself. Whatever you decide, I think I can speak for everyone on here that we're solidly behind you.....good luck my friend.

 

You sound pansexual to me. And don't worry about attaching a label to it right away just embrace it and in time you'll figure it out

 

Thank you everyone for your comments so far.

I've thought that myself too.

Thank you so much for your reply and assistance - you've given me some stuff to think about (positively though)