Struggling Just To Be Normal

My whole life, I've always been an outcast, never being able to fit in with everyone else, no matter how hard I tried. I've been diagnosed with Tourette's, autism, ADD, anxiety, depression... just about everything under the sun, really. I was put into "Special Ed" classes as a little kid. But I was never happy there. Even the mentally dysfunctional kids never understood me, and I was sick and tired of always being shunned for being "different". So, after many years of gradual transition (during which I was even assigned a "Shadow", basically an old man whose job was specifically to follow me around everywhere and make sure I don't cause trouble), I was eventually able to get into the "normal kid" classes. I was so proud to finally not be treated like a weird little retard anymore... but my troubles were only just beginning. All throughout high school, I was still the outcast, hardly able to make any friends at all, and having no social skills whatsoever. I eventually graduated high school, and even got a Bachelor's degree from an art college after chasing my childhood passion to be a cartoonist. That was the proudest time of my life, actually having a piece of paper proving that I was good for something in this world... but once again, that pride and happiness didn't last long. With no social skills, or even street-smarts or intuition, I had no way of getting a job, in ANY field, let alone art. I was able to get ONE and only one job at a mega-retail company, pushing shopping carts. And the only reason I got that job was because my aunt put in a good word for me. But the job was extremely stressful, and I ended up quitting after just 6 months for fear that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. And I've been unable to get another job ever since. It's been YEARS, and I'm still a jobless, hopeless 26-year-old bum who lives off of his mother, and can't even drive because of his anxiety issues. I try to stay positive, but the depression is just so much stronger than any sense of hope at this point. And my own mother treats me like I'm a pathetic waste of space, which is devastating to my own sense of worth. She tries to get me work, but she just kicks me out the door and doesn't bother trying to show me how to do anything, expecting me to figure it out on my own. Then, when I fuck things up, over and over, she just blames me and calls me stupid. How am I supposed to do things right when I don't even know how? All of these years of failure after failure have me at the very peak of depression. I just want to be able to be a functioning member of society, who can be productive and take care of himself. But no matter how hard I try, I never seem to make any progress. I fear that I'll never be worth anything for as long as I live, and my mother will die disappointed in me, leaving me to suffer from my own crippling inadequacies until I die too. :'(

 

Hi OAQFTD

I think that you've posted some similar threads in the past. I think I mentioned something about looking into vocational rehabilitation in your state and counseling.

Have you looked into either of those?

There may be obstacles to persuing these things, but I need to get feed back from you in order to offer productive advice: without feedback, all I can do really is just repeat the same things that I said in other threads.

 

op...looking at the big picture this looks as hopeless as you say

this is why you tack ONE issue at a time...start by taking the med prescribed...if they don't work...get stronger meds....people do grow out of certain aspects of their mental instabilities after proper care from a knowledgeable doctor...

 

I would think the art community would be more accepting of differences. Have you ever tried to seriously pursue a career in art? I would imagine a cartoonist wouldn't need social skills on a day to day basis, you just need someone to coach you for the initial job interview.

 

Or you could try creating your own comic strip and submitting them to papers. Or create a short cartoon and submit it to film festivals and contests. You wont make a lot of money initially doing this but you're already not making money so you have nothing to lose by putting your talents to use.

 

newbie-one, I can't even apply for disability benefits, I've tried and I didn't meet the qualifications. So I imagine it would be the same case with vocational rehab. rollingalong, I have no medical insurance, and cannot afford any sort of medication or therapy at this point. Meliai... I suppose I could try that. That is, if I can find the strength of will to do it. I haven't had any motivation to animate or draw in ages. I'm always too depressed to get anything productive done. But, I'll try. That's all I can do.

 

As I understand it, pretty much everyone gets denied after their first application. If you get a lawyer on it, you are pretty much guaranteed to get it though. A professional lawyer will take your case on a contingency fee basis (that is, they get a cut of your first check). A legal aid clinic or law school student clinic may take your case for free.

Vocational rehab is different from monthly disability benefits. It is specifically intended for people who don't qualify for monthly disability payments. It's intended for people who have a disability which is a barrier to work, but who are able to work. You may have to go on a waiting list for vocational rehab, so the sooner that you apply, the better.

Vocational rehab may be able to direct you to other resources too, not just job-related assistance.

As I mentioned before, if you contact 211, they may be able to recommend some additional resources

 

Normality, who needs it.

 

It seems that you are hopeless in your life. Facing lots of stress that comes to you is not that easy.For this, you need a specialist treatment and take some anti-depressant medicines to cure it quickly.