Strange reaction to catching husband out

Hi Anyone

Yesterday I discovered an issue in my marriage, but no one I could discuss with my friends I normally have coffee with. I really need to discuss it because I am very confused. This is a real post and not just made up for entertainment, but I welcome as much feedback as possible.

I'm married, middle aged and fit the usual boring mortgage/work/kids life. I have been married for 20 years and our sex life has never really been that good. Especially since we started to have marriage problems in the last couple of years. Not hardly ever having sex and when we did it was more that rubbish - as in crap and no fun at all. This added to our marriage problems.

Yesterday, I was using the computer and a unknown email account popped up with password saved, so I logged in. Low and behold I found out my husband had been contacting and sending men pictures and of his penis. The links were to a fetish site and it was very graphic.

I was upset and worried he may have meet men, so I read all the mails and looked at all the pictures, I basically spent a few hours checking it all out. Well the confusion came when as well and shaking with anger, I was getting more and more turned on and ended up having to masterbate.

After texting my husband that I had found the account, he rushed home. At first I told him how anger I was and he grovelled and grovelled with apologies. He tried to explain why he had done it. This went on for over a hour, in the end I couldn't keep up the disappointed/anger act and jumped on him and had the best sex of my life, twice I even wish he wasn't a work now, and believe me its been years since I felt like that.

Now, the confusion is that when I'm doing something normal like washing up, I feel betrayed by him and angry. But, then the second I actually think of what he was doing, I end up so turned on I can't explain it, even typing this is doing it for me.

I'm guessing I need someone to tell me its a good thing, and hes not been a shit husband and just to let it go and enjoy the turn on. Also if this is a new area for me I've no idea how to navigate this new world. My husband is crap at it and I found his secret email, open the plonker.

We are both novices at the online/home porn for want of a better word. I really don't want to end up filming myself and accidentally posting it on my facebook page:computer:

Just as a last bit, it doesn't bother me that it was men, my husband sent the pics to, just the fact that he did all of this behind my back. I read everything and I am 99% sure he has never meet anyone. But just to confuse me even more, even that is not horrifying me the way I thought is should.

This is a real honest post, even though it sounds like the beginning of a porn film.

Any and all advice welcome.

 

What A Lame Attempt At Trolling, I Rate It 2/10...



Cheers Glen.

 

I swear its not a troll, thats why I've had to come on here, could you imagine telling my friends over coffee the same thing. Nothing I can say can confirm its true, but if anyone wants to give me some advice, or ask a question that helps you believe, I willing to answer.

I know it sounds like some porn plot and I'm confused as to why I feel this way. Like most people I thought I would be horrified and leave straight away, but I can't as the feelings it caused are not what I expected at all.

If I read it I would have thought it was a troll to. GlenGlen that fact that you are a long term member means people will read your post calling my a troll and take your word for it and not repy. I really need to talk to someone, how am I going to do that, because as I agree with you it that it sounds to good to be true for my husband. If I go on any forum I will get the same response.

 

Sounds like you are having better sex so go for it and enjoy.

 

I know no one is going to believe the post, but your right Im just going for it. I've been exploring the web today. I think this is going to be a new me. We are not hurting anyone and who the hell made the rules on enjoying sex anyhow. If this helps save my marriage that so be it.

 

I am confused. You say your sex life was awful but after viewing pictures of naked men, you were horny and turned on. So all these years, the problem was you?

I have a decent sex drive, but when I read erotica, it gets me in the mood and I find that my orgasms are more intense. So if you need that stimulation (reading or watching) then go ahead and do it. But you still need to address the issue of WHY he was contacting men.

If I found out my husband was contacting MEN, I would divorce him. If he was contacting women, I would divorce him as well. But if he is attracted to MEN, (unless he was bisexual) why would you stay married, knowing he isn't attracted to you (or women)?

You might also want to get tested for any STDs.

You also need to figure out what your feelings are and discuss them with him. Either you accept it and continue your life with him or you don't accept it and move on (divorce). No point in going back and forth between anger and being horny. Not healthy.

 

I think the give away for a troll post is when someone starts off by saying "this is a real honest post" and keeps saying that. Yep, that will make everyone believe you.

I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. You're attracted to gay men so that would make you a 'fag hag.' Be sure to tell your friends over coffee about your new life being a fag hag. Have fun.

 

So you're caught in a rage / excitement whirlwind and you're right it's not logical and doesn't make sense but it is or can be human nature. There are moments when it probably drives you mad and you feel betrayed and over time that side will start probably winning the battle.

Yet strangely sometimes when things like this happens, and you kind of go into this shock and awe mode and along with this a panic mode that the end might be coming. Strangely enough that can play into defensive like endorphins and stuff. As a small similarity its similar to make up sex or anger sex, where you have a big blow out and somehow it's also a turn on at the same time and it can result in mind blowing sex.

Bottom line though the side of you that feels betrayed is going to linger, fester and it will win out in the end. And this temporary euphoric state will come to an end and then you'll be left with this betrayed feeling which will likely run deep and consume you. So knowing that’s going to come do your best to communicate with your husband about this double life he’s leading. Get everything out on the table and try to keep in mind that he probably still loves you very much but in a marriage that goes any distance sometimes people do get lead astray and it’s typically because things have become dull with your marriage. The solution is to circle back together, put in the effort, reignite that flame and you’ve had a wakeup call that things are in bad shape. Don’t get me wrong, he still wandered and it’s not right by any means. But it’s not like he woke up one day and just decided “I’m going to join a gay club where we share pictures of our dicks with everyone.” He was probably bored one day, stumbled onto some strange site, became familiar with it and things kind of went from there. When people are bored, often times it’s easier to go do something nutty or stupid in a fantasy world rather than address the problems of the real world and put some spice back in your real life. When a relationship becomes bored, stagnant, maybe a little divided and resentful it’s really hard to figure out how to re-ignite that flame for both sides, so you do nothing and sometimes people wander which is what happened here.

With what has happened, either the end is coming or you guys need to really want to try and patch things and at this point he needs to know and understand that your trust in him is now gone and that’s going to be a rough road for both of you, rough on you because you won’t feel you can trust him and rough on him as he feels like you’ll never believe him even if / when he’s being honest. You may be having some blissful sex now, but that will subside and you’ll need to address the hard issues very soon. It’s an up road climb from here, good luck

 

yeah, that's never a good sign...

although i found the biggest giveaway to be the fact that he saved his password to the gay sex site on his family computer. i mean, you have to actually go out of the way and check a box to save a password. this cannot happen accidentally.

 

While I agree with you guys about this being a troll, also keep in mind that some people simply do not know how to communicate effectively on the internet or in forums, so her lack of experience can also make her sound like a troll.

So she could be a troll, or she could be inexperienced.
Let's try to help her instead of push her away...ok?

 

Well, she's long gone anyway, but
LOL, and what would that help consist of? The good ole just communicate with your husband chestnut. He probably has been trying for 20 years, and this is the end result

Usual story, hooked up with a guy she never had the hots for in the first place, so it was easier to control him, so she could get married and have kids, a whole bunch of stuff she's now bored with cos the kids arent cute anymore, then wondering why he's trying to hookup with someone that isnt frigid towards him

 

your husband is gay

 

Do you have to have like 100 posts to not be called a troll anymore lol

 

Bi

 

not at all. there's trolls with thousands of posts.