So I have a strange life…married for a long time to a good person. We have built a good life together and I’m not interested in “blowing it up”. i have always thought that if you will just listen, people will tell you the truth but often times we choose not to hear what they try to tell us. my wife has never been into sex all that much. Sex was a means of having children and not much more. Occasionally in the beginning she wouldn’t really initiate but did a couple of her moves that said she was wanting it. We would go through periods of time (maybe a few months) where there was no sex. Then it turned into 6 months. Now it’s about 7 years since. She’s said a lot of things over the years that I chose not to hear. She would say she would be content never having sex again. I would bring that up from time to time and now she denies ever saying it. She also says it’s mostly my fault we don’t have sex now because I don’t ever initiate. When I do try I swear she makes sure she doesn’t do the things she used to do as a sign she was into it. That all is weird but this is where things have gotten really strange. We have watched porn together and once when her friend had a problem with her husband watching porn, she told me it wasn’t a big deal. So of course it come up a couple years later I was casual about saying I did and she got really mad. Never remembered us watching it or saying it wasn’t a big deal. She is kinda rewriting her sexual history. She was with 6 or 7 guys before we got together. She doesn’t really come out and say it but she kinda acts like those guys never happened. Now she says she has always been against sex before marriage. I swear if I tell a slightly dirty joke around her she gets mad. Anything sexual is “eww gross” or something along those lines. I swear my wife is turning into a nun. I don’t even know how to handle this. 1 no she isn’t having an affair 2 no she isn’t into women AT ALL
I feel for you. Kind of thing I'm going through too. Wife and I havent had sex in over 4 years on account of partially her health. Prior to that I saw diminishing interest in her wanting sex. It became ok, just hurry and get done with it. We did at one time have a great sex life. Before her health issues I realized she was influenced alot by coworkers. Now, not only don't we have sex, but we too don't discuss our sexual times of the past. The porn we used to watch together, I now watch alone. She was up until 3 years ago an active nudist in our local nude resort. Not anymore. To make it all worse, she has let herself go physically to where I no longer find her as desirable as I once did. Maybe age has something do with it. So many think once you have kids, or get older that sex isn't something you're allowed to like any more
I'm another old guy in the same boat. Wife never refuses sex with me, but not the same as when she enjoyed it. Which may be worse than saying no. Still loves to cuddle, but when it comes to sex, she's just not into it. We had great sex for many years, which makes it hard to accept.
My wife won't even cuddle anymore. Pushes me away. But still demands a good night kiss and say love you though
We went through this a while back and it was very difficult. Finally we agreed that I would get it where I could but wouldn't bring anyone home or any disease home and wouldn't do anything in public that would embarrass her. And we happened to have a neighbor that was willing to help out so she became my first FWB. Still see her now and again. She helped her son move into his dorm in Boston last month and we got together one night for mutual oral.
Women change as they get older, as their estrogen slows their desire for sex depletes, this is just a natural fact of life. It’s not really anyone’s fault it’s just life. My wife is menopausal and the lack of hormones affects her in different ways, many like your noting. I have sex maybe once or twice a year, and it very frustrating, but it’s just the hand we’re dealt. I would suggest to talk to her about it, without bringing up the past, it doesn’t really matter anyway and get her feel for it. Be honest and listen to her and maybe you can come up with a solution that works for everyone.
Ouch. All I can see is couples counseling or "Hasta la vista, baby." Cheating could be a possibility. You don't want to be yoked to your present situation or your life will be hell. Good luck!
So we are not all Crazy...? lol I can say "All of the above", and women then ask why guy are leaving their wives for younger women.... Been there done that too - and you just start the same routine again. A few years of they can't get enough will do anything you want then it all suddenly stops. What they found to be new and exciting is now Weird and you become this enemy. "Longzi" is correct - it's the old men'on'paus'-all... as I like to call it. It somehow becomes all our fault they are miserable and they go through some strange physical metamorphosis..., they suddenly lose all desire and memory of what they once enjoyed "a lot" and by the time it starts to return we have gone so long without we can't get it up anymore. The Lords little joke on us all I am afraid....
So glad I saw this, same thing here except my wife pretty horny. After menopause she just shut down, was looking for opportunities to shut it down. Now she has no memories of so many things she did, it was fun and I learned to accept her kink. I know so many things about her that would crush her for others to find out. She could do the same to me. I just have a difficult time trying to reason with someone who is obviously trying to reshape her past.
Once a woman shuts it down, nothing you can say or do is going to get her to "turn it back on" or really try to. Logic doesn't work and it makes them say, "Yeah, I know..." and they do know and are aware of what could happen - cheating, divorce, both - and some women get pretty pissy when you're trying to talk to them about the lack of sex and there's a lot of psychological shit going on with them because of the effects menopause has on them and... the only thig a guy can do is to spend more time beating his meat or think about getting sex from someone else and with or without her permission. If a guy isn't of a mind to do that, well, he's going to be a member of a "club" of married men made celibate by menopause - and let the suffering begin.
While all of the menopause stuff is real, so is life. When you make a commitment you stay true to that commitment. I see your way as just enabling her further. Believe me, most of them like this deep down hate their husband and men in general. After 70 years I have come to this conclusion watching friends and family relationships along with mine. My wife’s worst sin is envy, we had little when we started and she was adamant about our kids being raised by their mother. We did that and once we started making much more money she was openly jealous that I was the one making it. That was my first red flag, I provided what she wanted and that just wasn’t enough. Strange other flag was she never liked any gift I ever gave her.
