Straight guys and a possible "bi" side......

We, of course, know there are straight men that would sooner jump off a cliff than have sex with another man.

But, then again, the "straight" male that, if an unexpected situation presented itself, let his guard down and had sex with another guy, only to discover (to his shock) he MORE than enjoyed it!

Then, of course, he wonders:

My God, am I really gay? (personally, I think there are FAR worse things in this life than to be gay)

If I love having sex with women, why does sex with another male feel so damn good?

Could it be that there are more "straight" guys out there that have a deeply-hidden "bi side" that they are either afraid to admit, or, are not even aware that they have such a desire, so deeply hidden?

Your thoughts and opinions?

 

More than likely, there are a lot of men who wouldn't admit to you that they've thought about it and even today, a lot of bi guys go out of their way to make sure that everyone around them only sees their straight side. Why does sex with a guy feel so good? Um, because it's supposed to since sex is supposed to feel good. What they tell us is that sex is great with women and that sex with men is unholy and evil but a lot of guys who had their first experience with me were shocked to find that it really wasn't all that bad and like they were told it was.

"Will it make me gay?" I've had guys ask me this question so many times that I learned to head off the question by telling them that, no, it's not likely going to make you gay... unless you were leaning in that direction to begin with. I've pointed out to them that I'm not gay and, no, I'm not faking like I'm straight; I'm not trying to make you my boyfriend or whatever silly shit you're thinking about - I just want to suck you off and, no, I'm not going to object if you wanted to find out what it's like to suck dick - but I'm not going to make you do it, either. In that first experience for them, it's not about reciprocation but I've had more guys reciprocate than not... because they found out that having a guy sucking their dick feels incredibly good and, hmm, how bad can it be?

Gay men haven't done other guys a lot of favors by being overly effeminate and being romance/relationship minded - or having this perception which isn't the whole truth because some gay dudes are just like any other dude - they want to get their shit off and if it's not going to be complicated, so much the better. But since gay men have been the boogeyman used to scare young guys straight, sure - some guys would rather drink hydrofluoric acid than to let a guy jerk them or suck them off.

I don't know of a guy who hasn't thought about this and/or wondered what it would be like. Some guys "go out of their way" to find out; some guys are in the right place and time and with the right guy and the next thing they know, they're wondering why the other guy's sucking on his dick like it's the best thing he's ever put in his mouth... and why it feels better than any blowjob they've gotten from a girl/woman... and wondering even more why, all of a sudden, they want to suck this guy's prick.

It's the thing that scares the shit out of our society: A bi guy could be any guy you know. He could be your brother, father, cousin, uncle, or grandfather; the guy who lives next door and the old dude who lives across the street from you. The guy you work next to - and have worked next to for years - could be bi and unless he let you know it, you probably wouldn't have a clue that he goes both ways. It's still not that well known how and why guys get to be in the 35 to 40 age group and all of a sudden, they want to have sex with a man or they're now watching a lot of gay porn - but would never admit that when they watch straight porn, they've got their eyes locked on the big dick in the woman's mouth or pussy and just waiting for him to bust a huge nut all over her.

Those "straight guys" you're asking about might not be of a mind to admit to someone else that they're not all that straight - but there's only so much they can lie to themselves about it...

 

KD23:

Once again, a most intelligent, comprehensive, and "straight forward" response!

With me, I knew I was attracted to males only from my youngest days; as I grew older, I only had "an eye" for adult males.

I knew what I liked light-years before I even heard of the term "gay".

Even when you act 100% masculine (I'm speaking of myself here) when you show no interest in girls, you get hit with "fag", "queer", "fairy", etc., words that still make me cringe today.

It was not until my late teens that I REALLY knew that there were (masculine) men who also only were into other men, when early gay magazines like "Drummer" and "Honcho" began appearing on the stands.

It was not until after I retired 20 years ago that I started reflecting on "straight" married males I worked with, and picking up that at least SOME of these guys might have been bisexual, or, at least, bi-curious.

For reasons of which you are already well aware of, I long ago curtailed any interest whatsoever of finding a life partner"; ditto a FWB.

Even I know that without trust, no relationship (of ANY kind) can survive.

It was me (and no one else) who decided to remain celibate and "solo".

I won't lie and say it does not get LONELY and FRUSTRATING as all hell at times, but I simply stand tall, stand strong, and get great satisfaction of being in charge of MY life.

So my life isn't perfect?

Whose is?

I simply take life on day at a time, enjoy my many hobbies, and take great comfort in knowing that not only have I kept myself out of harm's way, I am in charge of what I do (or don't do) with my life.

Someone once asked me if I could change my sexuality to heterosexual, would I?

I honestly replied "NO".

I told them I'd rather be asexual, with NO attractions to EITHER sex.

Had I been asexual, I could have spared myself a LOT of grief, frustration,and heartache, over the past several decades.

But again, I'm happy with WHO and WHAT I am, and just enjoy being my own man.............

 

We are both of an age to have come from a time where if you showed zero interest in girls, you were all kinds of homos, faggots, queer, so on and so forth; like yoeu, I hear these "kids" today calling themselves queer and it makes me cringe because being queer was never seen as a good thing except by the, ah, more flammable homosexuals who pretty much threw their queerness up into everyone's face - and making the more masculine gay men be more "straight acting" than being able to embrace this aspect of their homosexuality.

Seriously, if you really wanted to know if there are really straight guys who are hiding the fact that they're bi, you could easily find out... but it's your life and your call.

Sure, I was always game to have sex with a guy and without any real strings attached but I also needed to know why other guys were the way they were, what made them that way, what and/or who changed their minds or otherwise influenced their choice in both sex and sexuality and, frankly, I got tired of hearing gay men bleating that they were born like this or that they didn't have a choice when, true enough, when we're born, we're literally open books and ready that is to receive the social conditioning that is unashamedly homophobic - but some of us reject the programming or find out that it's utter bullshit and some guys just do not like girls in any way or they didn't choose to be homosexual but were made to be homosexual and by people who had sexual/sexuality issues of their own.

I didn't choose to be bisexual, but I got exposed to it and... I liked the fuck out of it. I would one day realize was that I could have chosen to have that one experience with a man and left it alone but, yeah, too late for that - in for a penny, in for a pound. It's 2024... and guys are still scared shitless of someone outing them as being gay or they feel like they want to have sex with a guy and the first thing that pops into their head is that they must be gay so their "gayness" must be hidden from one and all and, usually, to their own detriment.

I mean, would you be insulted if someone accused you of being heterosexual or a bi guy hiding out in his closet? There is still only so much lying one can do to themselves. The first and most important thing about being bisexual is being able to admit and accept that you are and using the KISS principle: You like girls. You like boys, too. You don't have to like them in the exact same way and it's okay to like boys more today and then like girls more tomorrow. Most bi guys like women for love, sex, and relationships and like guys for... sex. Friendship and sex would be nice, too, but not really a hard requirement ad like certain factions want bisexuality to be like heterosexuality and the morals of days gone by like no sex without a relationship and all that stuff that bisexuality in males kinda/sorta didn't want to be bothered with when trying to get with a guy because it's such a pain in the ass trying to get into a woman's panties and let alone get into a relationship with them... so you can get into her panties.

 

I think it's mostly a matter of unawareness, and yet, of course, there's also a significant number of men who are denying it.

If we could remove societal pressures the male population would graph out in the classic bell-shaped curve. A few would occupy the straight end of the curve, a few would anchor the Gay end of it, but most would be between the ends, in the burgeoning middle, bisexual to one degree or another. Societal pressures skew what would otherwise be the natural curve.

I've seen evidence to support that, albeit on a small scale, at the club. We couldn't remove society's pressures, but we could counteract them in that space and at that time. There's probably still peer pressure, but now it's pushing toward bisexuality. I've seen many straight men, women, and couples discover and then subsequently embrace bisexuality. We provided a safe, supported environment to give bisexuality (and many other things) a whirl.

(Our "Come to the Dark Side, We have Cookies" sign may have helped. )

I ruled out alcohol or drugs as a factor. We did not allow them on the premises, and if people showed up clearly under the influence they were denied entry for that event.

 

At my age, it just comes down to compromises. My wife would still be jealous of other women , even at our age, but she is into the bi option. I was always into the female option, but when only left one choice, this is the lessor of the evils and is surprisingly very satisfying and Fun. Besides she is an old fag hag and into it. I'll go with the flow.

 

Excellent comments, guys.......indeed, there are as many "theories" and as many "scenarios" as there are bisexual men.

Choice?

Well........I certainly DID not CHOOSE to be gay, BUT, then again, do HETEROSEXUALS choose to be STRAIGHT?

Yeah, I also cringe inwardly when I hear guys proudly refer to themselves as "queer"; man, that just turns me off big time.

Too, recall that tv "reality" show quite a few years ago (I, of course, would NOT watch it for all the money ever minted) "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy".

Amazing how the derogatory term "queer" is so damn "acceptable" these days (Shit, I HATE that word)

Though I am a masculine GAY man, I think of myself in terms that I am a MAN first and foremost, and a gay man SECOND, and my sexuality is PRIVATE, and something I have NO intention of broadcasting to the world................

 

Yes, indeed, the socioreligious stigma against anything that looks like homosexuality keeps a lot of men who might want to dip their toes into both ends of the pool from doing so and, again, if they do jump in, they're not likely to go public with the change in their sexuality. Getting rid of the stigma isn't going to happen any time soon but it's been getting eroded slowly and over time but as long as there are those who hold onto the ancient taboo and of a mind to use social media to promote their "homophobic" objections (and anonymously), bisexuality - and male bisexuality in particular - will take a long time to become more socially acceptable and a lot of things would have to change to help those bisexual men who are in a relationship and having to conform to monogamy and anything else that falls under "keep only unto yourself."

What a lot of men seem to have been doing is saying, "Fuck that social bullshit!" and diving on in to do what they need to do; there is more awareness that there are men who enjoy sex with other men - but who aren't gay (sorry, GG57) - and, well, if those homies aren't gay, um, how bad can it be? There's enough "gay/bi porn" out there to stimulate imaginations; in the early and good old day, if you heard that there are guys who suck dick, you had to use your imagination to visualize that; today, there's more "gay/bi porn" you can shake a dick - um - stick at and you can see it and I know guys who watched straight porn, seen women sucking dick and swallowing cum, getting facials, etc., and wondered, "What's it like to suck cock?" I know guys who have dared to ask a woman what it's like to do that and, well, women have a lot of opinions about this from the best thing ever to if they never had to suck dick again, they'd be happy and wouldn't miss it.

Still, in some straight guys, the social bullshit isn't enough to override human nature, and I have introduced a lot of straight guys to the joys of cocksucking (at the least) and they've dived on in with the condition that no one else finds out that they did something with a guy and... how come they've never done this before now? Well, that's because our social norms continue to insist that you don't even think about having some kind of sex with another male. Even if you were fortunate enough to have parents who didn't cram the social conditioning into your head regarding sex and sexuality, society as a whole lets everyone know that it's immoral behavior (and a sin) for a man to lie with another man and unless you live in some isolate part of the world, there's no where you can go where you're not going to be exposed to what society thinks about things homosexual.

And to answer your question, heterosexuals do not choose to be heterosexual: It is the default programmed behavior, and you are expected, required, and demanded to always be heterosexual or you're gonna be in a heap of trouble. Again, choice and a lack of understanding of what that really means. You may not have chosen to have homosexual feelings, but you chose to act on those thoughts and feelings so, no, you don't get to say that you didn't have a choice in this when you sure as fuck did. Maybe the decision to act was easy and maybe it took some doing to act upon them but you still chose to do so even if it didn't feel like you made a choice. Really, if you were in that moment where you were "invited" or felt compelled to have sex with a guy, you could have said no but chances are that's not what you did and even knowing that being homosexual wasn't a good thing - and knowing this didn't stop you from being homosexual.

I didn't choose for the circumstances that opened the door for me to be bisexual to happen - but I chose to go with it even though I knew it was wrong and all that and... how can something everyone says is so bad feel so good? And I chose to keep having sex with guys and knowing that I should have been saying no and resisting the temptation and, yeah, that's not what happened, and I realized that at any point in my life, I could have chosen to not be bisexual or, really, to stop sleeping with guys but, fuck, where's the fun in that?

 

And today Sept 23 is bisexuality visibility day!
And I've only let a few people know over the past few years. Before that it was isolation and fear of being found out and either outright shunned, or having friends slowly distance away, maybe not completely. Now I'm more like fuck it if people find out, but I'll still never go out telling everybody about it,but that's just because I try and keep my sex life,or lack thereof private.

I want to support those who are bi and want to openly be out about it!

 

KD23:

Once again, yet again, another OUTSTANDING, in-depth post, indeed one more than worthy of "editorial" status!

Good work!

 

It would be interesting to see the percentages of "straight" males who are actually bisexual, yet remain "closeted" (with the exception of delving into bi/gay porn) and those who "outed" themselves early on, and freely enjoyed sex on both sides of the proverbial "fence".............

 

It would be interesting... except no one would ever be able to count all of these men because you wouldn't be able to get them to admit that they're not all that straight; there's no way that I know of to count the guys who outed themselves deliberately or accidentally and for the same reason why you'd never get an accurate count of straight men who are actually bi but in the closet so you can do the math and get percentages. Oh, and the number of men who have yet to out themselves and are freely enjoying sex on both side of the fence.

Back when the whole world lost its fucking mind to learn that bisexuality is real, one of the first startling points in this was not knowing what men bisexual and what men are straight. On the social front, a lot of fingers were being pointed and accusations made toward a lot of men who were thought to be "gay" and there was a lot of panicking going on because the world just realized that unlike some gay men, you cannot look at a bi guy and tell that he's bi because he looks and acts just like any other straight guy you might know.

Which makes sense given that bi guys are still heterosexual and a little factoid that the world was overlooking because in their tiny minds, bisexual and homosexual were one and the same. Better still, there were a lot of what I'd called "lame" attempts to count bisexual men or coming up with results of polls that had low numbers of participants and, therefore, fucking up any real attempt at statistical analysis. Even those surveys, polls, etc., that were around at that time were questionable if they were lucky enough to get 1,000 or more men to anonymously admit that they were bisexual because 1,000 men... wouldn't cover the number of bi guys who live in the city that I live in, let alone major cities like Philadelphia, New York City, San Francisco and, yeah, Atlanta. And that's just four of... how many cities, townships, etc., are in the US alone?

Sure, if 90 out of 100 men said that they've thought about being bisexual, that's saying something... except, um, how many males of sexual age are there in the US? So, the smart money says to not even bother trying to count bisexual men because any data you get will be skewed and not really representative of the whole. You cannot and should not make a lot of exceptions and like you did in asking the question because that would further fuck up any potential numbers because a lot of guys watch bi/gay porn and so why omit or exclude them even though watching that crap is no real indication of the sexuality of the watcher?

There's no point in trying to quantify straight males who are overtly or covertly bisexual because a lot of them are going to lie about their sexuality and then there are the heteroflexible guys who are really bisexual guys except, they don't like the word "bisexual" all that much - and that mindset alone would make coming up with acceptable and/or accurate percentages damned near impossible. Like, how many gay men are, on the Kinsey Scale, a 4 or a 5? See, we think that all gay men are a Kinsey 6 and... who knew that there are gay men who like pussy but still say that they're gay? Could you say that "technically," they're bisexual? Yeah, you could... but have fun trying to get the guys in this demographic to admit that they're bi.

The moment you start playing the numbers game, you're about to screw the pooch.

 

KD23:

Too many more guys aren't fortunate enough to have your common sense.........

 

I don't know if it's common sense or an outgrowth of learning some stuff about sex and men and the things us guys will do in order to have sex and just always wanting to know why things work the way they do. As such, you learn some pretty esoteric stuff that a lot of people wouldn't pay attention to, and I've had the honor, privilege and sometimes bad luck to be confronted with a straight guy who, for whatever reason, is curious as to why guys have sex with each other and then they find out and there's always that one guy who tries it and doesn't like it now but years from now? He might want and need it later and he just might like it but that's not the problem: The problem is someone else finding out that he likes to have sex with guys, and it doesn't matter what the sex is and, really, it's not always a matter of sexuality as much as it is a matter of convenience.

So, even anonymously, a guy might not want to respond to a survey or questionnaire about sexuality because, um, he might be with a woman who goes through his phone, computer, or other device; maybe he doesn't believe that his responses will be kept secret or maybe he feels... some kind of way about being faced with something that his mind wants him to reject or, yeah, he looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, doesn't believe that he's a duck but he's something else. When you consider the continued social stigma against bisexual men, well, why would you want to give someone a stick to beat you with?

It gets even more insane to know that there are guys who want to get all the dick they can get away with... but they want to be able to do it without putting it out there that they want all the dick they can get away with and all because they're afraid of someone else finding out and all holy hell will be unleashed upon them and, yeah, this isn't common sense stuff - this is the real life stuff that I've encountered time and time again and it's piqued my curiosity because, well, hmm, I don't behave like that and I know other guys who don't but there are guys who do so... why do they behave like this when they know that they want to suck dick or be under a guy to be fucked and inseminated?

The fear and stigma will always ensure that no one will ever be able to account for every bisexual man on the planet and more so when, in some countries, it gets out that you have sex with men, you just signed your own death warrant so, yeah, don't ask, don't tell, don't even try to guess...