Still Fucking Trying To Get Over This Relationship >:(

so I've posted about this really intense relationship I had a number of times. We had really intense sex and didn't leave her crappy basement apartment for like 5 days and I felt like I was in love with her and we had some good times for a while then she dumped me and banged a friend of mine and for some reason I got back together with her. Then I dumped her, then she dumped me, then we did fwb for a while, then I dumped her like a bunch of times and always caved in and got back together with her after about 1 1/2 to 2 weeks.

It was actually going pretty alright a bit more than a month ago until this one night. It's not important what she said or how I felt, but for some reason I got triggered and all the resentment I'd built up over the months of my life's deterioration came out. I slapped her and she had me arrested. I spent the night in jail and got out with a restraining order and an order not to drink or do drugs (which I've actually followed, to my own surprise). It was a great month. I had a real reason not to see her and I cleaned myself up, started exercising and studying harder and generally started to feel good. After that we met in court and she had the restraining order dropped. I thought it was a good thing at the time and I met up with her and apologized to her and tried to comfort her and make her feel better, but by no means did I want to jump back into the cycle.

Somehow, even after all of that, though, she still seemed to want me.

Unfortunately, I have a weak spot for her. I've never shared a sense of humour with a girl in the same way as I have with her, and I've never connected intellectually like that or had sex like that either. We also share a lot of friends and go to the school, and sometimes when I'm in the right sort of suggestible lonely mind state, I feel so attracted to her.

She calls me every day and she's there every time I see any of my friends. I have to make sure that she does not think that I am in any way "cold" or "cruel", or I run the risk of having her paint me as a psychopath abuser in court. I need to maintain some sort of friendliness with her for so many reasons, but every time I do so my resistance breaks down.

I just read Irvin D. Yalom's "When Nietzsche Wept" and the book showed me this: you can get over a dangerous attraction by seeing the object of your attraction share the very same sort of intimacy you had with her with another. If you see her look at someone the way she looks at you in your mind, for example, you can get over the obsession.

I need to figure out what I should do to fortify myself. Or should I just bite the bullet and cut off contact altogether?

 

The restraining order is still in effect?


Even if it isn't this sounds like a destructive relationship... I'd move on.

 

I could feel the intensity. You've got an appetite for her which seems to be consuming you. I think you'd be doing right to take care of you first, since the court has involvement in the relationship. You can't control the way she sees you or how she'll depict you to others but your actions, behaviors and attitude should prevail over hers or anyone else's projections of you. Consider the court to be your friend .. some restraint in a potentially dangerous relationship is a very good thing. Those super intense relationships can ignite the wrong sort of flame, which can lead to crimes of passion. She's a flame for you, but fire can burn if you don't grasp it and manage it safely, for yourself and for her. Sobriety is good because it allows you to sense and feel with greater clarity. And you already know your feelings and drives are intense. She seems to be a great value to you .. somebody you truly appreciate (the way you connect with her). Gratitude is the right attitude, or so they say. I think it you put gratitude first, you won't lose sight and you won't be overwhelmed by your hunger, passion, desire.

 

Good grief. I will refrain from having an opinion this time.

 

..

 

I think you guys responding the way you have goes to show you need a taste of passion in your lives. ha!!

 

In your pants

 

If passion is based around getting yourself into idiotic, Jerry Springer Show like situations, I want no part of it.

True passion is based around more than banging some ho who sleeps with your friend behind your back (then resorting to physical violence when you find she's not being faithful -- well, duh!!). That sounds so trashy. It sounds more like mental illness than passion. Yikes!

 

you have a women that will call the cops on you.

she will call them again.

I picked that pink floyd just for you hedge...


RUN LIKE HELL!

 

Vanilla Gorilla doesnt like this

Pink Floyd facepalm is circular, Pink Floyd are facepalming themselves at being Pink Floyd, historys most overated, pretentious suckfest

 

And this is coming from a person who has probably only heard songs off of their three most popular albums which get endless airplay.

 

so why post at all?

I didn't "resort to physical violence when find she's not being faithful". That was many months ago and technically she slept with someone while we were broken up. And yeah, it makes me feel like shit to be brought do low as to be involved in jerry springer situations. No need to salt the wounds. I've also mentioned before that this woman is mentally ill. She's diagnosed as autistic, but I thought that she had BPD. That definitely makes things a lot harder. Have you ever tried communicating with autistic people? It's not fucking easy.

 

Good question.

 

there's a little bit there more than that.... but yeah I'm definitely thinking with my dick here...

No its not still in effect, but I'd actually rather it was. I don't fucking understand why she is still pursuing me at this point. Like she shows up everywhere that I chill.


... It's not just the sex though. I'd be totally OK with not having sex, or with having sex with other people, but I really miss the intimacy and closeness and I am a kind of lonely person. Also; the awkwardness of her being friends with pretty much all of my friends is really frustrating, because I have no one to hang out with to get my mind off of this because she's always there...

 

i don't think that's right. it just makes you pissed off, in my experience.

 

Argh, I can't stand that "mental illness" BS. She didn't have sex with somebody else because of fundamentally flawed brains. You didn't strike her because of fundamentally flawed brains.

I didn't read into your story as mental illness - or - "Jerry Springer". I read it as typical, average, common life .. which is difficult. We are imperfect beings and we have flaws. As for being autistic, even that has nothing to do with the fact that she had sex with somebody else. Don't let people convince you that they live without some level of life's dramas and dysfunction. Your sort of story is common. Ever meet a congressman (in the news)? You're a piece of pie compared to some of those guys.

Bullshit. You're denying the part where you're thinking with your heart and mind. Did you not say that you connect with her, intellectually and in sense of humor? Those are qualities that can be hard to find! Don't let these men beat you up. You love her on some level. Admit it. If you didn't love her, you wouldn't have felt so hurt that she was with somebody else. You wouldn't have cared, unless you're a maniacal egomaniac and I don't get that vibe from you.

 

She called the police on you.

You spent the night in jail.

If there was a real domestic abuse problem or something, that'd be different - but sometimes people do the wrong thing and hit each other, calling the caps is not the right course of action unless you're fucking THROUGH with someone FOR EVER. Similarly, if they call the cops on you, you should be THROUGH with them, FOR EVER.

No apologist here, not saying you should have hit her - but between you doing that and her calling the cops, how the hell can you NOT be through?


It sounds like the main problem is you don't have anyone else on your mind, because you've put that aside for her. She's not worth it, go fuck somebody else and get some strange dysfunction in your life.

 

if you admit that your just thinking with your dick just get with other girls. if you have an emotional attachment to her and its more then just sex..... get with other girls!