ok, here is the experience which inspired this thread... after work on saturday night, i rather unthinkingly went to the store, and got two bottles of expensive wine. and then between saturday night and sunday night, i drank them both. i don't know why... except that i was feeling out of my mind, and wanted to get further out. i don't know why i wasn't content with sobriety. the reason i'm delving into this, is because today i feel absolutely great, and wonder why i would ever want to drink. and whenever i get drunk, i always wind up feeling remorseful. it's the difference between how i feel now and how i felt then. it's not as much of a problem as it used to be. a year or two ago, i was a borderline alcoholic. and now i only rarely drink. but i can't get a handle on what keeps motivating me to drink... that desire of mine to get drunk. where does it come from?? please share any advice or similar experiences
Well, I don't know what motivated me to drink... No particular reason, I guess... What's more important to me, is my motivation to stay sober. Drinking wasn't my problem, what I did while I was drinking, was my problem... Well, my last drink ended me in jail for a few months at the age of 18 (facing several years in prison). That did it, I went to AA. Been clean and sober for over 15 years, now.
You might want to check out a cpl AA meetings even if your a "border line" alcoholic. If nothing else they can explain just about anything you want to know about the desire to drink. Or just get ahold of a copy of their book "Alchoholics Anonymous".
I've been going through a lot recently, in personal terms and i have resorted to drink to feel "better". I've been hooked to alcohol in the past and I had serious problems because of that, did things i wouldnt have done if i was sober, etc. I just try to control it now, but sometimes I get the urge to drink and drink until I just laugh at anything and feel stupid. i feel like this when i'm depressed, i know alcohol makes you even more depressed and it's true, but i try to avoid it. I understand that need to not feel sober, it's like your own reality hurts so much you need to alter it with a substance to make it more bearable or interesting. it's really fucked up. talk to someone you trust. i havent done that cos i feel ashamed to admit I'm drinking again. anyways, you take care.
I can totally relate. I frequently have had day dreams of drinking myself to death, but now I am having to deal with benzodiazepine withdrawal. I have always been attracted to the way Jim Morrison lived his life, and before withdrawal was unconciously going in that same direction even though I am too original to be a copy cat.
I think that when one cannot attain that which they most need to attain, and this is often unconscious, one can develop a desire to be drunk. Drunkeness almost always involves some unfullfilled need. One who desires to drink heavily may also have romantic notions of self-destruction. A good deterent from drinking is to think very realistically. One may not be fortunate enough to simply die, but end up with a serious health problem that is absolutely unromantic. If I ever found life totally unbearable, I would rely on a swift and certain suicide and not on self-destruction. But otherwise I intend to live in robust health. Besides, it is definitely possible to get drunk without alcohol.
I'm going through some what of the same thing. Only for me, it's not alcohol, it's mary jane. I haven't smoked in over a month, and it's strange. I feel crazy sometimes, but after 3 years of smoking it, I started feeling weird. I don't know why I started feeling weird, but I dunno.. I just wish I could feel "normal" again. Peace and good luck with your urges...take care of yourself!
Oh yeah... My first drink, at the age of 12, was taken alcoholicly... I went to A.A., they helped me get sober. It's not for everyone, but it might work for you...
Moonjave-i feel ya. I had to stop because I felt like i was losing my mind. Alcohol now has a hold of it, which is sad bc alcoholism runs in my family...I'm probably an idiot for even picking up the bottle, yet it is so hard to let go of.
