Spirituality And Canabis

Hello, i have a story i just experienced this week. 1st im gonna talk about myself a bit: i am suffering from schyzophrenia disorder since 2011. With time i got really strong, but there was always things stressing me and some weird thougts even hallucination everyday after taking medication for 3 years. I was really trying to connect with god but i never really felt him like i wanted too. I know god was doing the things i ask him but i wasnt having an emotional connection with him. Last month I started a new medication and i started feeling better. So i was like, ummm i will smoke small joint with tobacco shouldn't kill me at all! So then I smoked and felt a bit weird and trippy. But 5 min later hallucination were there like usually but i felt my paranoya way more intense since i was high. I started thinking about god and it went anway but i was still not controlling my emotion. I had to really force myself to believe into god or the paranoiya would be insane. Then trippe was done i smoked again and everytime a paranoya would come i would try to think about god. But one night the paranoya was so insane i took 10 sec to think and the best idea i had was to say god i love you and i would really feel love for god. Then the paranoya was completly gone and would not come back again until the whole trip. Then i noticed the first thing to connect with my god was to love him. Next day i smoked a blunt and then i started loving god so bad. Has much as i could like none stop and i wasnt even high at all but at they end of the day i was having pain and i guess it was because i dedicated myself too much on loving god. So the night i was like i will let myself love god but without controlling it. Then i went really high i had 2 walk, and a few step foot done i was feeling the best feeling i ever had god was connected with me i was feeling completly loved while i was loving back. At first i was really feeling weird. Then a few moment later i decided that the best way to love god is too love him unconditionaly. The next day god wasnt there i tho, so i past the whole day trying to love him again. At they end i realised now that you can't even control the love you give to god at a certain point that when you be came in unconditionaly love. And after that nothing else i can do is pray because now i know im with god! Anyway folks let me know what you think about this and sorry for mistakes english isnt my main langage

 

i do not understand paranoia very well since i am peaceful with having curious hallucinations . i may
lucidly question these experiences as to meaningfulness . sometimes it just art and music existing
before i ever get around to making it (if i ever do) . sometimes the importance of a hallucination
means i'd do well to dig a little deeper into a reality that inspired it .

peace to your love .