Something I saw online particularly bothered me - I need help

Please bear with me as the first two paragraphs might seem a little unusual. This mightn't even seem like a real problem, but it is very real to me. I was watching a particular type of bondage porn, and while doing so I ended up clicking on another video icon for another video. I'd no idea what was in it before I clicked on it.I don't really know why I even clicked on it. Usually I'd only click something if the caption looked erotic to me. Although I'd liked nothing of what I saw, I still felt compulsed to view it in order to confirm that I knew what was going on. It was as if i wanted to confirm to myself that I didn't make the mistake I knew I had. It's most likely to do with the fact that I have obsessive compulsive disorder.

The video was of a mistress humiliating a slave. Within the clip there was a man in a wheelchair being made watch a video of a turkey being killed by the mistress on a laptop, with her comparing him to being as helpless as the turkey. It only showed about 3 seconds of the actual video (within a video) towards the start of the video, and all that could be seen in it was the turkey walking around. But then later you could hear the turkey making quite a bit of noise... I didn't really think it sounded like the noise a turkey would make if it were suffering but I wouldn't really know.

What really bothered me about it was that I don't know what actually happened in the video. You could just see both of them looking at the laptop with her laughing in an evil manner, and eventually her saying "and now he's dead". I know you might think that surely the whole thing was made up, but I'd have my doubts judging by the sheer cruelty of her actions towards the man in the video. And how does someone come up with such an idea!? This porn star knows what she's doing by shooting such a video... she's going for the shock factor, and it bothers me to think it's probably working.

I made a complaint to the pornhub about the video. At first I feared they wouldn't take it down, but thankfully they obliged. It was only when it was taken down that I realised that that wasn't enough. I then began to think about other things... crazy things! Like what would I have to do if I wanted to report her to police for this. I know in most countries it's a crime to kill an animal. But it would be quite bizarre reporting this, and I wouldn't be able to do so without remaining anonymous. After all, I am ashamed that I watched this video. Besides, the video has been taken down, so in order to report it I'd probably have to go searching this mistresses' website to see if the video is for sale! And doing so would stir up some terrible feelings. The sheer amount of time this would all take would be ridiculous and nothing would probably be done anyway. Of course I have so much I want to do with my time, but sometimes I just cannot let something go. I do have to wonder what would be the hypothetical avenue that would have to be taken in order for it to be investigated to see if an animal was killed.

What also bothered me was that that man in the clip actually did look like the sort of person who'd be in a wheelchair. I even looked up the actual website of this porn star and there was some sort of a disclaimer on the homepage about abiding by codes (along with an email address) and making sure actors have a pleasant experience, so it gives the impression that there is some accountability... but I have my doubts. I've regretted clicking on femdom porn a few times before, but it never really mattered as I knew everyone was voluntarily within such videos. I never saw something that I couldn't have expected in some way. I'm guessing that as we speak, there is probably thousands of things up online that would make me depressed if I were to see them, but I'm not worried in the slightest about that because I know I never will see them. And having looked at this video there were a few times where I've thought "who actually gives a shit anyway?" if a bird was killed. But then it creeps up on me again. I wish I didn't see that video.

It does make me question things in general. Like what if somebody accidentally stumbled upon child porn. I presume this really doesn't happens by accident unless one is in some pretty weird websites. But it must be an unusual dilemma... to try to report it without feeling like you'll end up being prosecuted yourself. And it must be weird too for the people who are part of such an authority to have to look at the porn and confirm that a child is underage.

I thought typing this might help. It's kind of strange to think the people in my life have no idea I'm going through a hard time right now. It also makes me realise that people can feel so powerful and achieve so much as they have so much control over their own lives, but as soon as you feel the need to control something or someone external to your life you suddenly realise just how powerless you really are from that stand point.

Thank you for reading.

 

I've grown to dislike porn more and more. Your story just adds to it. Sorry this has bothered you so deeply.. I think you have to work on just letting go now though. There is nothing you can reasonably do and no real point in any of the unreasonable things you could do.

 

If you ever ran across something like that, and you're in the US or Canada, you could try calling the National Child Abuse Hotline...1-800-4-ACHILD. You could confirm their policy on anonymity and confidentiality before speaking to them.

I think there are some other child protection resources out there too.

I'd doubt that a prosecutor would go after anyone who was trying to help police

Hope you can feel better soon

 

was this a wild turkey or domestic?

 

Assuming that the film was made i the US or western Europe, you have nothing to worry about. Rules regarding animal welfare are probably stricter than those that apply to humans. Animals are provided by a small handful of specialist companies and have to be certified as free from disease, This costs a small fortune, so no one is going to put them at risk.
Also. The humans are actors. working from a script. With porn, the hardest part of performing the most bizarre and sadistic scenes is not bursting out laughing in the middle of it all.
The film Mona Lisa (Bob Hoskins) has a really funny scene, where the stripper performing in the bar dives behind the curtain and sits drinking a cup of tea. The film was portraying real life in these places and it was dead right. Not difficult, because they are actors and it is what they are doing all day.
Don't waste your time confusing fiction with reality. When you watch a war film or a western, the actors don't really shoot each other and all the blood is made from tomatoes.

 

And was it Thanksgiving?

 

You complained to a Porn site ?

 

It only showed about 3 seconds of it so I couldn't tell. I don't think there was anything in the dialogue about who owned the turkey.

 

To porn directors?

Well I don't think there's any way the person playing the role of the slave was resisting laughing, if his hair was being pulled and spat on in the face.

Oh come on, that's different. This seemed like real amateur kind of stuff.

 

This reminds me of the first time I seen something I wasnt aware of in a porn film, all I can say, it gets better.. your mind will release you soon.

 

There's a possibility they just searched online for anything from "funny turkey bird video" to "turkey bird gets killed" and then downloaded it to make it look like it was there own vid.

 

Is this statement deliberately meant to confuse, because I can't make sense of it. Could you tell me what you mean?

 

she means that soon you won't think about it so much or with such intensity.

 

obviously it's not a guarantee, but typically domestic turkeys are bred to have white feathers, while wild turkeys are usually gray/brown/a variety of colors.

 

i remember somehow discovering the concept of porn where women crushed rabbits or kittens or some animals, i'm not sure.
by stepping on them. i never saw it, just read about it.
not sure why i'm saying about it, this thread just reminded me of it a few times.
that's pretty weird stuff.

 

Well I get that part, but it's really a contradiction to say that "I [saw] something that I wasn't aware of"!

 

Porn is the gateway to let you know someone else is more fucked up than you. Haha

 

Well it's like if I wasn't aware that people like licking giraffes feet
and then saw a video of it.
I saw a video of something I hadn't been aware of
wasn't aware of...

 

Indeed