Someone Criticizing a Close Friend in Your Company.

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing he/she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?

 

I'd defend them, though I'd also ask why they hold such unjust opinions.

 

shoot the hostage

 

What can you do? Try to persuade everyone to like this person? Doesn’t seem like a worthwhile use of my time. If it made me uncomfortable, I’d just excuse myself.

 

Be honest and tell them you know the person.
Then explain that some of the criticism is unwanted.

Honesty is the best policy.

 

I usually never badmouth anyone. I wouldn't participate. Instead I look for a good place to change the subject. "Hey! Have you seen so & so...".

 

It is a difficult situation, particularly if the criticism was unjustified.
I agree with Candy. Casually mention that you know the person and calmly discuss the most unfair points that they have been making.
We all have different opinions on subjects and sometimes in a social situations tongues can get loosened after a few glasses of wine.
I am sure that your respect for the 3 guys has already dropped a few points, but how many must depend on how they reacted once they knew that you knew the victim of their discussions.

 

Yeah.... This never happens.

 

If it was a close friend, and I could call myself a friend. I might speak up, or just leave. So sad that in the world today so many people, can talk about other, without looking at them self first.

 

there's a lot of variables at play here, so it's hard to say for sure. but typically if people are talking shit about someone who doesn't deserve it (who isn't present) i'll at least point out how that person isn't as bad as they are being made out to be. doesn't really matter if they're a friend or not.

 

Tactfully defend your close friend. You respect and admire them, but do they respect or admire you?

 

Bang your fists on the table really hard, hand movements and gesture show your promise as an active speaker. So bang your fists really hard when you talk.

 

...and look like a crazy person

 

I'd stick up for my close friend(s) (whom I'd know quite well) and rebut any intial distasteful or unjustified criticism towards them.

After the very first volley of rebuttal, the three people would be prone to stop the criticism. If they'd want to continue the negative criticism, time to excuse myself. That'd be it for me with them. My respect and admiration of them would be short lived.

In my line of work, this scenario has played out and has happened 10s of multiple times a year. Soooo many people talk shit, base "their facts" on rumors and false information all the time.

You best have your facts locked down and have video proof of accusations. My few close friends are people I've know in great detail for decades.

 

I would join in the criticism and call my close friend a loser behind his back. And say i would never hang out with this loser. Then afterwards when they are completely gone. I would call my close friend and ask if we can hang out together.

j/k

 

god, i thought you said "time to expose myself." which seems like a strange response, but i suppose it would change the subject away from your friend.

 

LOL!

 

Stand up, pull out my pecker and shout "looky here, boys! Like lookin' in a mirror ain't it?

 

Because they’re being dicks?

 

Yup.