social anxiety

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by headymoechick, Jan 18, 2005.

  1. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    I've been doing really good wroking on my attitude but there's a few things that I can't figure out. I really don't like a lot of people. Somehow I just don't click with anyone. I don't like people who are really closed minded. I don't like people who tend to steal, cheat and lie. But a lot of people are like that. I can't talk to any of my friends with out being challeneged some way. My job, the music I listen to, my style. I always have to defend it. I don't like hanging ou t with those kind of people. I've been told that I expect people to be perfect and that's my problem. I don't think I do,I just don't like to constantly debate and argue and defend myself.

    Here on the forums I don't really have anyone I could call my friend. No one cares really and I don't expect strangers to, but when I see the little cliques here it makes me think- what's wrong with me? Why don't people like me? Or do I just not like people?

    am I wrong for not wanting to put up with people who challenge me all the time? Why can't I find 1 girl that I can trust to be a friend?

    In situation where theres a lot of people, I get scared and nervous. Not at concerts or festivals, but in houses, I get almost panicky.

    how can I kick this? I've been doing really good and I need to find a good way to change this part of my life too.

    Any suggestions?
     
  2. FreedomRyver

    FreedomRyver Member

    hi,

    Im exactly the same way, Id say just get out in public alot more to kick it. I wouldnt get too close to people you wouldnt want to be like, because before you know it you are just like them(i dunno if that makes sense).I Just dont find anyone I relate to around here either so I just stay by myself instead of making hangin around with people I dont agree with.
     
  3. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    do you think it's bad to want to be alone more than with people who are so aggressive and mean?
     
  4. FreedomRyver

    FreedomRyver Member

    No way thats what I choose to do and Im alone an awful lot, but at least I dont sell out just to be in a crowd or not alone.:) Just get out there and find some cool people to hang with and youll be happy.
     
  5. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    I can totally relate...I don't have any friends. I have my significant other who can barely understand who I am and why I am the way I am. I don't go to parties...I feel like everyone is constantly judging me. When I feel judged, I immediately go on the defense. I'd much rather be alone...and most of the time I'm OK with that. Is it healthy? Your guess is as good as mine. Sometimes I feel so alone...but in that loneliness there is also self discovery. Maybe there will be a time in all of our lives when we will have a group of friends, or even A friend that we can relate to and trust...but only after we have discovered ourselves. I don't know...but I do know what you're going through. PM me if you'd like to chat sometime.
     
  6. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    it's good to know i'm not alone. Sometimes I feel so bad though. I know I can be no fun when I'm like that. Then I feel crappy and I'm REALLY no fun.

    I wish there was some textbook answer.

    I want to want to be around people. I just can't seem to find people nice enough for me to want to hang out with. I don't expect much, I just don't see friendship as having to defend myself all the time.
     
  7. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    I think you need to find some new friends sweetie.

    There are people out there who will accept you for you. Sometimes they're hard to find, and sometimes they're right under your nose. What about old childhood friends? Are you still in contact with any of them? One of my closest friends right now I went to kindergarten through grade three with, and then we met up again in high school. Better friends now in second year univ than we have -ever- been.

    Try volunteering or joining organizations, that's a great way to meet people of a similar mindset (I mean, ya'll are trying to help solve the same problem or deal with the same issue).

    If the people you hang out with judge you and make you uncomfortable, they are not worthy of your presence
     
  8. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    all of my old high school friends dumped me and talked shit about me after I got pregnant from being raped. I just can't let that go and forgive them. I probably should, but I just can't yet.

    Other than that I live in a smaller town. It's hard to meet "new" people. and I swear there must have been a town memo that the theme is being an asshole wanna be rapper because that's all anyone acts like around here.

    and if I didn't already work almost 50 hours a week I would volenteer, but I'm worn out as is.

    I can't wait to move someday. There's assholes everywhere, but I just want to find a place where I could find 1 person who could be my friend and love me for me.
     
  9. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    oh yeah, that's probably the reason I'm very skeptical of girls.

    I think a lot of girls are mean because of what happened to me and the way my buddies wife acts. how come all you lovely ladies live so far away?!?!
     
  10. ArtistofPeace

    ArtistofPeace Senior Member

    Aww, headymoechick...I can relate, too. I used to have two best friends, but they turned on me and now I have a hard time making friends that I can be completely myself around and trust. I'm alone a lot, too. I rather stay by myself than be around people who are gonna make me nervous and feel on edge, though.

    I get really lonely because I just wish I had one girl friend who I could confide in wholeheartedly and have fun with. My best friend is my boyfriend, and he's great. Sometimes, though, it'd be nice to find a girl to be my friend, too. I see my bf every 3-4 weeks or so, and that lasts for about 4-5 days each visit. When he leaves, I just feel so damn alone, I cry, because I have no one else.

    Blah...making friends used to be so much easier when I was younger...haha...
     
  11. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    I wonder why that is?!

    I'm going out this weekend to try and tolerate some new people. I'm scared. this party is being held at this girls house that people fight and watch porn in the living room and the guys insult each other for conversation. But I guess only a few "chill" people will be allowed there that night and me and my man are cordially invited. Lucky me. I suppose it could be fun. i'm giving it a shot anyway. If the people there get all dramatic and weird, I'll at least know it's not me.
     
  12. goldmund

    goldmund Member

    that place sounds kinda shitty and that party sounds kinda lame. I know its hard to move, but what's keepin' ya? As you have seen here already, there are people in the world who are just like you.

    For the poster who said she always feels judged, do you judge others? do you judge yourself? I know it sounds cliché, but once you let go of those two judgements, you don't have to worry about what others think. This lies at the center of all great religious teachings.
     
  13. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    yeah, the party will be pretty lame except I'll be pumped full of ecstacy and probaly won't care.

    I know there's people out there like me, but they're all so damn far away and I live in a pretty small town. I also work a lot and don't have a lot of time to go out.

    I can't wait for this summer when I can take time off and travel.
     
  14. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    I think it was so much easier to make friends when we were kids because our criteria was a bit lower...I mean, someone was my friend if they shared their crayons with me, or pushed me on the swings at recess...

    ahhhh, those were the days...

    As far as the judging thing, I don't judge others...but the stares I get and the snide remarks I hear...I know what they're thinking, so I automatically go on defense. I'm a super nice person and more than comfortable in my skin...I think it's just really hard for society to get past looks and see what a person really is inside. I see it over and over again...yes it makes me uncomfortable, but I don't judge others based on that...who am I to judge them? Everyone is entitled to their own opinions...and most of the time by the way they stare and the way they whisper...it's more than obvious what their opinions are.

    It's funny...their reactions to how I look is amusing to me...
     
  15. goldmund

    goldmund Member

    they won't count if you're not judging yourself. what do the thoughts of others matter to you? Only time they matter is when you are trying to get/keep a job.
     
  16. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    thier thoughts don't mean dick to me!

    I'm just lonely and I'd like some friends that like me for me. Sometimes I feel like it's me and I'm just being to picky or I have some sort of problem. But I don't think it is. I think I just live in a small town with not a lot of open minded people. BUt I still wonder if there's something wrong with me sometimes.
     
  17. goldmund

    goldmund Member

    tell me about it. I am in a us military housing area (I am not in the military, I teach at a US DOD high school) in Germany, a foreign country, where no one understands me, listens to the same music, etc.. I feel judged all the time, and just crave for someone to talk to that understands where I am coming from. I am thinking about moving back to SF.
     
  18. goldmund

    goldmund Member

    tell me about it. I am in a us military housing area (I am not in the military, I teach at a US DOD high school) in Germany, a foreign country, where no one understands me, listens to the same music, etc.. I feel judged all the time, and just crave for someone to talk to that understands where I am coming from. I am thinking about moving back to SF. There is nothing wrong with you.
     
  19. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    I think that's the best compliment I've heard all day!
     
  20. goldmund

    goldmund Member

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