Social anxiety and sexual needs/desires

Would like to hear people's thoughts and solutions to having social anxiety and trying to have a sex life or fulfilling your desires. (Besides paying for it. Lol)

 

Great username

 

alcohol?

 

Are you the shy one standing at the back wall at the party? Take a class at the local community college. Sit near the cute girl at the back of the room. Not to close but close enough she knows you're there. After several classes ask her if she was having trouble with the assignments. Depending on her reply either offer to help or ask if she would mind studying together. Let the friendship blossom and eventually you can ask her out. If she says no, either repeat with a different girl or take another class next semester and try again. If she says yes you're on your way to the promised land. The above scenario can be modified and adjusted to fit just about anywhere. At the grocery store ask the girl if she knew the difference in (enter product here) and a good way to prepare it. At the (enter location such as coffee shop, cafeteria, work place) ask the girl if (enter subject here). The key to it is ask and be interested in her and her response. I've heard the when it come to sex, communication is the best lubrication. Start talking to the other sex and as you gain confidence you will also gain relationships. Don't be afraid to take no for an answer. There's a yes out there somewhere.

 

Mdma.

It's weird though because I also suffer social anxiety yet social sex has never really been a burden for me, probably because it's fun whereas sometimes being in a social environment isn't so fun.

 

there’s no besides paying for it, man.
this is serious stuff so you need to see a doc. you can read opinions here and this will certainly be nice and help but you won’t risk your mental health on an internet forum.
wish you the best whatever is your choice though

 

Maybe the best thing is to try to treat the social anxiety itself.

The first post in this thread may be useful
Treating Depression and Anxiety

Acupuncture and traditional Chinese herbal medicine might help you. I can say more about that if you are interested.

 

You mean like drinking a tea made from ground up elephant testicles?

 

No, gorilla testicles...

 

Just sign up for a Tom Brady TB12 program oh no wait that would totally get you soft.

 

is that what he uses to inflate his game balls?

 

Maybe try with porn first. If it makes you feel uncomfortable then don't worry about it.
But yes get your social anxiety checked out first.

 

Do you mean you are anxious in large crowds such as parties, shy in front of girls, or something else?

I was a shy as a young lad, my teens and even early twenties. I'm introverted, so didn't like large crowds, and was shy around girls. It took a couple of girls to ask me out in my teens, to get beyond that. Fundamentally I'm still that introvert, it's just that age and life's experiences have moved me beyond that shy young lad. But the shy young lad still lurks inside.

I like one to one scenarios or small groups and if It's a hobby I like you can't stop me talking. So if you're introverted, like above, then you need to seek out the situations you are more comfortable with. Many parties or other such gatherings or large parties can really do an introverts head in. We need our quiet time, a bit of space, solitude throughout our lives. Then we can burn bright when in social situations, before taking another breather.

Above all, put yourself in situations comfortable for you, and if with a girl, don't put any pressure on the situation, just talk and see where it leads. Many of us introverts have a rich and fulfilling sex life, we are often late bloomers, but we make up for it. If you are shy and not confident then the sex can be better for the girl, you don't arrive pre filled with ideas what you are going to do, you're often gentle, will communicate during sex, and you'll let her take the lead. As introverts have a rich internal dialogue, with rich feelings, it's great when that leaks out with your partner. In short it's a partnership much earlier on, than what she would have got from a jock.

I'd say leave the porn alone, as it'll give false pictures of what sex is. But then I come from an age when porn was only in magazines disgarded in bushes, and were barely glimpsed. It certainly wasn't available 24/7 as videos.

 

Social anxiety is a normal condition for most people, especially when we are young and trying to fit in, or at least not stand out in a way that exposes us to derision. If your situation has been diagnosed as "social anxiety disorder," ignore all answers here, including mine, and continue to work with a qualified therapist who is helping you.

My experience is that social anxiety fades over time, much as sensitivity to loud noises or distinctive foods does. Our taste buds dull as we get older, as does our hearing, as does our mistaken belief that everyone is watching our every move. You will have that awakening one day - the absolute knowledge that most people don't notice what you did or said enough to remember or criticize it, because they're too busy doing exactly what you're doing: thinking of themselves and believing themselves to be the center of attention. It's truly liberating, and it will erode your social anxiety - understanding that you can believe you made a fool of yourself, but few or no one present even noticed what you said or did.

Similarly, you will be able to eat at age 30 foods that you found repulsive at age 6. You'll lose the extreme sensitivity of youth, slowly and steadily over time. Some of it is physical involving brain development/deterioration, and some of it is purely based on experience and emotional development. Not only do your taste buds grow less sensitive, but seeing peer contemporaries dining with you as adults in restaurants order and enjoy foods you once found repulsive is a whole lot more effective and encouraging than being ordered by your parent to eat them.

Now, as to the question of sex, you ought to look at this differently. We all have longings and urges, but most people (both men and women) when it comes to sex are pleasers. If your interest is just in getting your rocks off, stick to masturbation. You seem more interested in what you get from sex than what you give, and you have to change that focus, if you want to make it work.

You don't say whether you have friends. There's really no point in having sex with someone you don't even like. People do it, but they rarely feel good about it afterward. Start by growing your friend circle. The best way to have a girlfriend is to have a women in your life who are actually your friends, people you like and who like you. Let sex follow naturally from that, from enjoying each other's company and conversation + romantic spark + unattached, available, and interested ---> sex.

 

Now I see why he can't fucking throw and catch the ball at the same time.

 

What I did as a young man was to get a job in a pub, its the kind of job where you have to talk to people of both sex's, I found it helped me come out of my shell and I was marred at the time, but found it worked.

I think at times we just climb in our shells and we have to get out.

 

I have desires and needs BUT alas for some reason he is not willing or able???? to carry out anything with a hard cock. That doesn't urn me off just makes me fuckin sad. I would love him to fuck me hard as he has oft said.BUT he cant is this a turn off NOT entirely although at Times I need to turn off my desire or be even more sad and question my own sexual attraction /worthiness.The solution..I guess is masturbate/ dream/ and do whatever else helps...Cos there is more to "intimacy" than a hard cock and fucking.

 

There is more to intimacy, but the finale thing is sex, two bodies entwined in full sexual contact which you are not getting.

I would say its time to move on, as it wont get better in fact for you it will get worse.

 

You might want to stat a new thread and give a little more background information.

Sometimes problems in a relationship can be fixed, or even if they can't, the relationship is worth keeping. Other times not.

 

Try getting into meditation as a way out of your anxiety, as meditation is a very good tool for your problem, find a local group and learn the art of meditation, it will last a lifetime, your find it will also help your sex life.