ok so this might come off as a bit rash/ unusual, but its me and maybe you can help. ok so ive been with my husband for over 3 yrs now and weve known each other for 15 yrs. with me my love life is very complicated, ive been in long term and short term relationships. usually about the 1 1/2 to the 2 yr mark things start getting rough for me, i was raised as a open lover ( mom was a swinger and i think that was the reason parents divorced) so the perfect relationship would be me being shared or sharing my love with more than one person, so at this mark it gets tough and usually i bail out and run off and have my sexual fantasies lived out. this is how its always been for me, as soon as it gets tough i bolt. but now here is my problem ive been with my husband for 3 and i hit that rough patch where i didnt want anyhting to do with him, looking at hm made me mad and i sure as hell didnt want to sleep with him! but i love him more than anyone ive loved before so i stuck it out and to my complete surprise i actually truly fell in love with him (ive always loved him but idk if i was in love with him, yes i know i married someone i didnt technically know if i was "in love with") but i do love him and now im in a truly loving state, where i kiss on him, tell him words of affirmation and go out of my way to try to make sure he is happy. and hes the kicker hes always been like that! lol hes always been "all over me" even when i wasnt receptive to him, but now that im in the lovey state it seems as if he wants nothing to do with me. used to be hes look at me and get hard, now i throw myself at him and show him how bad i want him and he just sits there and plays his damned psp vita. i could count the hours that he spent playing on this game ( i would love to watch him play video games on the tv but the vita is handheld so i dont get to watch him play) and even pulling up the game forum on his laptop to "super nerd out". ive asked him to play when im a work or when im asleep, because i want to spend time with him, but even me thinking abut talking about the subject he throws a fit and just plays more. ive been so nice and "forgiving" for him playing his games because i know he loves to play games but when he loses intrest in sex and everything else because there is nothing else other than that game, thats when i get irritated. so my question is what the hell do i do?! he is very aware of my former problems of love and dealt with it like a champ but now that im ready he has no intrest. :computer::bigcry:
I don't know. What do you want to do? I am not into open relationships, so can't help you there. If you just want to be with your husband...work towards it.....in more ways than the sexual....I would guess...
Don't know what to tell you, but maybe the time you spent ignoring and rejecting him made him get to the point where he doesn't feel there is much point putting a whole lot of effort into it anymore! One of those to little to late things.
or maybe he has someone else on side?.... or maybe he is just not interested anymore....could be..but I doubt that. Men have interest until their dieing day.
i fear the chasing part. i didnt mean to make him chase after me like that, i just couldnt bring myself to wanting it. but the open part is null, thats just who i am and to me monogamy is boring and stale. i need to feel two people pressed up against me to feel true excitement but its gotten to a point where im fine with just him and i want him but he seems to be on the dry spell now :-/
I have thought about this. If you were into open relationships with your marriage, then there was the green light for him, too...right?....so he may be somewhere else emotionally right now..... Reaping what you sew maybe?
It could very well be like AT stated far as him needing the hunt, and maybe without that he's bored. It could be a lot of other things too. It could be his sexual peak came and went and his tank has run low. It could be he has something on the side, or it could be he's just filled a void with his game (I play computer games from time to time and every now and then I'll get really locked into one and somewhat neglect my family, but my wife is quick to whip me back in shape about it too ). Or it could also be you giving him the cold shoulder or always keeping one foot out the door sending him mixed signals over the years maybe tainted him or he's built up some resentment to where now he sees you as a poster on a wall or a lost cause. Something a teacher I had once mentioned was an experiment where a hungry shark was put into a tank with a glass divider. They introduced some fish into the other side and the shark would go nuts ramming the glass trying to eat the fish. After enough failed attempts the shark would just give up. Then they would remove the glass divider, the fish would swim all around the shark even right in front of it, and the shark did nothing and finally starved to death... In the end who knows what happened here and you really need to get him away from his game long enough to have a serious discussion about what it is. Just don't put him on the defensive putting it all on him and remember you weren't always both feet in like you are now. GL Another side note I'd like to add is it's not uncommon for people in relationships to constantly fall in and out of love. The key is that both people don't fall out of love at the same time. So maybe it's your turn to do some chasing after him a bit
Yea, KW has some good points. Another thought is it could have nothing to do with any of the things mentioned...and that after a while in a relationship, things just aren't "new" anymore and move into more of a comfortable... not quite as exciting stage (take it from someone married for over 10 years now...and in the same relationship for 14 years...)---that doesn't mean that anything is "wrong" and can come and go. But yea, relationships don't usually stay as they are in the beginning forever. In either case, I do think you should probably tell him you want to talk to him sometime when he's not playing his game and just tell him how you feel about things and see what he says...
pull his pants down while he's playing video games and give him a blow job. If he turns that down its time for a divorce.
