So I wonder

Discussion in 'Transexual and Transgender' started by el demente, Nov 19, 2020.

  1. el demente

    el demente Supporters HipForums Supporter

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    Just the other day I had a distant friend contact me on FB to let me know that he was Transgender. Now he is married and probably in his early 60's. Not a bad guy and I have no issues what so ever with this and I told him so.

    But I have questions and how do you ask these questions? I don't care what his choices are, I'm good with that. But being the straight heterosexuals guy I have very little experience with any transgender other that what the porn world has shown us which I know is not true.

    So I would like to ask him more but first I will talk here and maybe get educated. I know it is more than guys (or gals) wanting to be the other sex and it may not be as much about wanting sex with the same sex.

    I do welcome any education in this.
     
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  2. ~Zen~

    ~Zen~ Daydream Believer Administrator

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    Great topic for a thread.

    I have no issues and support those who feel they were born in the wrong body gender... it happens.

    I have no experience with this other than that, I do not know any trans people personally.
     
  3. Candy Gal

    Candy Gal Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

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    I have no predjudice but I am straight.
    I think if I add some research it will help.
     
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  4. Boozercruiser

    Boozercruiser Kenny Lifetime Supporter

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    ....

    I just wish to second your emotions.
     
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  5. wilsjane

    wilsjane Senior Member

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    Transgender is a very involved subject and almost everyone involved in a relationship plays it differently.
    As you said, you have no phobias about your fries lifestyle, so I would strongly advise you to meet up and enjoy his company with a completely clear and open mind.
     
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  6. el demente

    el demente Supporters HipForums Supporter

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    We only get to really talk online, he lives on the other side of the state. I do wonder about why after so many years, why did it take him so long. Maybe he always struggled with it and just recently got the courage?
     
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  7. KathyL

    KathyL Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    Well, I can try to give you some insight, as I am in a similar position to your friend. Hopefully, the discussion remains respectful.

    First of all, it is important to realize that being transgender is not a choice. We are born this way: the brain doesn't match the genitals. The only choice is what to do about it. We are told that we are male (in your friend's case and in mine), and our parents insist that we live up to that designation. We are required to wear male clothes, engage in male careers, feel nothing, exercise male privilege, do all the things that males are supposed to do in our society. If we feel female at any point, we are told that we are wrong. When you are taught this as a little kid, you tend to believe it, regardless of the truth.

    So we suppress it. It is a long struggle just to acknowledge to ourselves that we might be transgender. A large part of society still labels us as perverts, so there is a shame barrier to overcome before we can admit it even to ourselves. Then there is the whole question of what, if anything, to do about it, and whom, if anyone, to tell.

    All that takes years. For male-to-female transgender people, the most common age to "come out" is between 35 and 55. It is quite common for people to come out in their 60s, and even 70s is not unheard-of.

    I hope that answers your question. I am happy to discuss this further if you wish.
     
  8. el demente

    el demente Supporters HipForums Supporter

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    Thank you. As a transgender how does that effect your sexual life? I'm probably way off and I don't mean to offend but when I think of myself as a guy, I crave women sexually. As a transgender does this come into play?
     
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  9. KathyL

    KathyL Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    You are correct that being transgender has nothing at all to do with whom you want to have sex with. It is about what gender you are. Most transgender people retain the same sexual preference after transition as before. If they liked to be with women before, they still want to be with women after. If they liked to be with men before, they still want to be with men after. A few do switch after transition, but it is not common. In my case, I was attracted to women, and married one. I am still attracted only to women, and I am still married to the same amazing lady.
     
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2020
  10. el demente

    el demente Supporters HipForums Supporter

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    Okay that makes sense.

    I think one of the hardest things in my case to understand is how to separate it from sex. I don't question that it is real or wrong. and I'm trying so hard not offended but I just can only truly relate to what I know.

    What is the feeling that tells you that your gender doesn't match your gear? If not sexual attraction what is it? and I know the "it" is hard to define even as I struggle to figure out how to ask the question.

    Does any of the questions I'm asking even make sense?
     
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  11. KathyL

    KathyL Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    I understand your question, but it is a difficult one to answer, because you do not share the experience. One clue that a person is transgender is that they are always wondering about their gender. Cisgender people never wonder about their gender. It actually makes a useful informal diagnostic.

    I will give you an example to illustrate what it feels like. The premise is far-fetched, but play along. Suppose you woke up tomorrow morning and discovered that your penis and testicles were gone. In their place was a perfect vagina, and you had breasts. To all appearances, you look like a woman. People refer to you by a feminine name, and refer to you as she or her. Yet you are still you. You try to convince people that you are really male, but they don't believe you bec ause "obviously", you are female. Try to imagine how that would feel. That is what we feel like.
     
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  12. Candy Gal

    Candy Gal Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

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    Interesting reading through.

    I do not believe for a second that it changes the persons personality.
    Once a friend that shared the same interests, always that friend.
     
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  13. KathyL

    KathyL Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    I appreciate that you are wanting to be accepting of your friend. That is truly good to hear.

    One of the best ways to demonstrate your support is to honour her declaration of gender. So, from now on, she is a "she", not a "he". People do make mistakes, and we all understand how hard it is to break habits. But if you demonstrate that you are trying to get it right, she will appreciate your support. If she notices that you are not trying, then she will conclude that your acceptance was insincere.

    And, while on the subject of language, the word "transgender" is always an adjective, never a noun. So, instead of "As a transgender...", you should say, "As a transgender person...".
     
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  14. Visexual

    Visexual Member

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    Now I'd never try to add to the great input from KathyL but I did think of something that my wife and I have thought for years.

    My wife is a retired educator. Through the years we've seen numerous times that a gay male teacher has been scrutinized simply because he's a gay male. Too often parents, and even administrators, worry about the gay male teacher being around young males.

    So, why not worry about heterosexual male teachers around young females? Or lesbian teachers around young females? Or hetero female teachers around young males?

    Sexual preference, identity or just gender in general, like Kathy has said, has nothing to do with sexual activity except for the fact of what they're attracted to. It's simply about who they are.

    Also, your friend just might be reaching out to you. He may not understand much better than you do but would like a trusted friend to research it with.
     
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  15. el demente

    el demente Supporters HipForums Supporter

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    Thanks for all the input. I now have a little bit better understanding than I did, but still a lot to learn. It is is strange to call him a her, but I get your point and I'm sure it is extremely difficult for her. So I will learn from what you say and start by using the her/she labels. Even though at this point labels are just labels. She is a person that builds pretty good boats and place pretty good guitar.

    It doesn't shed some light on some of her past actions. There is a forum that we are both members of although she doesn't go there much anymore. But for years we were plagued with a troll that kept coming back time after time after being banned and banned again. It was always rumored that she was the troll. I think I can see that now, because for so many years she was hiding who she was and that could have manifested into an alter ego. I could be wrong but that could have been her reaching out for someone to help her understand what was going on.

    And I know over the years she had struggled with alcohol. I can see how this could have been an underlying factor.

    Either way I understand more now than I did before.
     
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  16. Sachs68

    Sachs68 Supporters HipForums Supporter

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    I definitely learned something new today.
     
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  17. Escierto

    Escierto Members

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    I have had a transgender girlfriend for the last two years and knowing her has made me want to learn more about what it means to be transgender.

    My girlfriend is very unusual. She never transitioned. She has always been a girl from the time that she was a small child. She has always worn feminine clothing and long hair. Her parents and family have always accepted her as female.

    She is also unusual in that she has a naturally feminine body. No Adam’s Apple. A female voice. Small delicate body. Feminine hips. She has never taken hormones or had surgery. She is content with her genitalia and likes being a top sexually.

    The only thing she would like to change about herself is her breasts. She would like implants and hopes to be able to get them this year.

    Although she is what most people would describe as passable she is proud of being transgender and never hides the fact that she was assigned male at birth.

    [​IMG]
     
  18. snowtiggernd

    snowtiggernd Member

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    She's pretty.
     
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  19. Escierto

    Escierto Members

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    Thank you! She is beautiful inside and out!
     
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  20. PrettyToni

    PrettyToni Members

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    Wow yes your girlfriend is absolutely gorgeous. I am a trans woman and I take estrogen and purarea murifica (I know I spelled that wrong lol) but the pm and to some degree the estrogen has given me feminine breasts as well as sensation in my breasts and nipples in a few months. I would estimate I am more than an a cup probably almost a b. They jiggle and bounce and feel great. I never thought it would work at least not this good. Either way thank you for sharing her story <3
     
    el demente likes this.

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