Last night I smoked a pretty large bowl of decent pot in a single hit out of my bong. For a second I considered smoking more, and I'm glad I didn't. Half an hour later I was completely detached from my body... one minute my arms were like these stubby little bear arms with big thick paws for hands, then the next minute they would be long twigs of bone and skin and hair, flapping about in the wind... I was lying in bed, typing on the computer to my left, but then when I would turn my head to the right to watch the TV, I would notice how the entire aura of "me" completely changed direction when I moved my head... for instance, when I would look at the computer, it would seem as though my arms, the part of my chest in between my head and the computer, etc. were the "front" of my being, but then when I would turn my head towards the TV, then it seemed as though my arms, still typing at the same computer, were instead these long water slides coming off my shoulders, going way way down and to the left... and instead my right shoulder became the "front" of my body, and I became more aware of my body sloping down the bed... the ridges of my hip and calf seemed like a big mountain range protruding from my bed... It's the freakiest fucking feeling when you're tripping on pot or acid or whatever and you realize that your body has no objective "front." Our minds construct this directional orientation so that we don't get confused, but it's just that, a construction, and it can be broken down easily by the psychonaut... There were only two times where I briefly lost emotional control during the experience... for the briefest of seconds I thought I was having a salvia flashback and I bolted upright in bed, but I wasn't... it was just the short stubby bear claw arms playing tricks on me. It's hard to describe, but when I was on salvia I felt two dimensional, and it was like my arms were these helpless, flat little things flapping out in front of me, like a seahorse or something... and that was kind of how this high was making my arms feel. But then later, wow... I have a hypothesis, but I'm not sure exactly what happened. Basically I lost track of who I was for a minute, and I was focusing intensely on my mouth for some reason... and I'll swear to god if I didn't have an experience that I can only describe as reliving this memory of having my tooth pulled when I was 9 or so. Out of nowhere it seriously felt like I was having a tooth being ripped from my mouth, it was incredibly freaky... I felt a jolt in my mouth and I heard this loud crunching noise of the tooth being extracted... and I swear, I have no other explanation other than that my consciousness somehow traveled into the part of my mind/psyche/brain/body/whatever that is responsible for housing the memories of my mouth, and I somehow relived this memory in my mouth. I do believe that my spiritual growth over the last year has GREATLY increased my ability to deal with such situations. When I get that high, it is very easy for me to let my thoughts get out of control, and it literally feels like I'm falling down a hole. That is when panic attacks set in. But last night, I simply practiced living in the moment, emptiness, zazen and all of that good stuff, and it was no problem. If you don't fight it, it's not a problem... but easier said than done sometimes
I want to get that fucked up. Infact, I've decided I'm going to smoke 3 bowls tonight... even if I feel like I'm gonna die
Yeah that's really the ticket, smoking as much as you need to feel high and then just soaring right on past that point into oblivion
Right on brother Oh and I can't remember if I've said this to you or if I just thought about saying it to you, but your sig quote is priceless.
