Side piece issue: No oral sex?

Some may not like this post but I'm going to spill anyway. I'm involved in a relationship with two people. My main girl who I have been with some almost 20 years. Yes, I'm married. Sex between my wife and I has gotten to only a few times a year simply because she doesn't think she needs to initiate sex. Her being female should just be enough. She views all men as all they want is sex so why should she put in any effort. Plus, every time you turn around this hurts on her. That hurts on her. She doesn't sleep well. Her back is sore. Her knee hurts. She's got a cough. She's got a headache. The neighbor's dog died. Anything seems to be an excuse why I don't even want to try. Why would anyone want to try to push up on someone if every time you talk to them something is hurting or bothering her. But on the contrary, she complains about us not having sex. There's heating pads all over our house so she can go from one room to the next and stay plugged in.

On the contrary, there's this other girl I've been fooling around with for a number of years. We hooked up on Craigslist when their casual encounters section was still around. Sex between us is great and that's really all it is: sex. No romantic involvement. No dating. She's got a live in boyfriend but we hook up ever few weeks or so. The one thing she loves is that I go down on her for at least 30 minutes and she orgasms several times before we have sex. My issue is that she has never returned the favor. Every time I ask one day she'll say yes then a few days later that answer usually turns to "we'll see." I think in the 5 or 6 years since she and I have been hooking up she may have gone down on me twice. However, she absolutely love when I go down on her. It's not going to be a 2 or 3 minute thing. I make it my mission to pleasure her. I'm not in any position to demand anything from her but I just want to know what can I do to get her to return the favor sometimes. Should I pull back on doing something I love thus leaving her unsatisfied? If I pull back then that will most likely no convince her to want to blow me. It should be mutual. She says her bf doesn't pleasure her the way I do but how do I bring this up to her? Do I cut ties with this one and find someone who is more receptive to pleasing me the way I please her or do I just take the lump and go with the flow? A lot of women tend to think that's nasty and refuse to do it but they find it a deal breaker if their man doesn't orally please them some. Or they do it in the beginning of the relationship but gradually stop.

 

Good luck with that. If your she doesn't want to blow you after 5 or 6 years and you've made it known that you need it, you're not going to convince her. Maybe she is just using you for head she can't get from her BF and thinks she is giving you a big break just by fucking you on the side when she knows you're not getting any at home. Sounds to me like you need to decide whether you really enjoy going down and fucking her or do you push the blowjob issue and risk getting nothing. Do you really want a blowjob from someone that hates doing it?

Maybe it's time for the Mrs. to see a few doctors - both head and body. You can discuss that until you are blue in the face, but sounds to me like she is done with sex. You shouldn't have to earn, beg or bargain for sex in a marriage.

Like I frequently say, she will be the very first to whine to her girlfriends..."oh why oh why would he EVER cheat on me....."

 

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my wife but physically that dept is lacking. Yes, I've talked to here about it and still nothing. Women love to complain about how most men cheat but they feel they take no blame in anything. Nobody is talking about still swinging from the ceiling fan or having sex 3 or 4 times a day, but you can't pull back on things you use to do and not expect him to still want to remain there. And we're not looking for you to be or act like a porn star either but don't give bj's while dating then stop once you get married claiming you don't do that anymore or save it for special days.

 

Just think, she puts more time, thought and effort in putting on her makeup or choosing what damn shoes she will wear to the office every day than about your sexual needs. Oh, and if you mention how she's slipping in the sex department, you'll get nothing then. Something just happens in their brains, it just clicks off, something else to blame on hormones. I don't think there is a solution. If you find a solution, bottle it and sell it, as every married man will pay dearly for it.

Men. All we want is sex, sex, sex. It's all we EVER think about - well, just that and making a living and keeping a job, raising kids, paying for college, paying a fat mortgage, fixing the house and every damn thing in it, lawn work, fixing cars, doing any damn thing she feels is necessary, paying for most things, saving for your futures, putting up with her family, sacrificing anything that honestly entertains or amuses you, all with that tiny crazy thought in the back of your mind.....maybe she'll just want to do it tonight.....

 

You couldn't be more right. My wife is one who will never do more than she absolutely has to. There's a problem with the division of labor in our house. If I do anything first then that automatically becomes my job from then on. If I'm the first to clean out the stove or fridge then my wife feels that it's my job from now on. Honestly, my wife has never cleaned out the fridge or stove. Not that those are womanly duties but when you open the fridge and there's tons of spills or wilted veggies or molded cheese in there and you just close the door and ignore them then you should be fully relaxed and able to swing from the ceiling fan. Right not there is an empty Amazon box sitting on our deep freezer from an item she ordered that arrived a few days ago. It's the "man's job" to take out the trash but that empty box will sit there until she complains about it even though that was something she ordered. I guess women forget where the garbage bin is once they get married. However, let us be watching TV together and I mention that some female celebrity or random girl on the TV is cute, knowing I will never meet that person, then she rides me like a horse. I don't advocate cheating but not all cheating is the man's fault.

 

You have to decide but I know I would eventually get tired of someone like her.
I mean your FB.
One option is you quit giving her oral until she gives it to you (be prepared for a falling out!), and if she says she will give you some, play hard and EXPECT her to do it first. To your pleasure, not just make do.
I don’t know if it’s appropriate to point out you have done it countless times for her, but I know she would not like hearing it. If you were to point it out I would think it’s too bad so sad though. Chances are she could tell you to screw yourself, maybe that she can find someone else. But that won’t go far, my guess.

Or just end it, find someone who keeps you happier

 

It just gets very old at times when you orally pleasure her for 30 minutes or more and you get nothing in return. It's even gotten to the point to where she'll now hit me up asking when can I come give her more head. Again, I do not mind but when I ask for some in return that's usually followed up with a "we'll see" which tends to never happen. I guess my question is do I mess up a good thing that could be better simply because of not getting all of my needs met? I'm not talking about "finishing" in her mouth or anything but is 5 or 10 minutes of head too much to ask? Or, do I simply start pulling back on how long I service her till it is down to just a few licks then I'm ready to fuck?

 

Choose your battles for the ones you're most apt to win...

 

Yeah reducing the amount of oral you give significantly is a good idea. And I still stand with the idea SHE gives it first or she doesn’t get any

 

I've even been giving her head for a number of minutes then when I stop she'll ask me to give her a few more minutes because she wants to cum again. It's never, "now you lay back and let me do you for a little while." Yeah, I think I'm going to gradually start pulling back and just focus on other things. See how she likes it when she's not getting as much as she use to.

 

It’s called karma, bitch. LOL

 

Everyone has their preferences. I doubt she will come around. Good luck

 

Awaiting with great impatience to learn the outcome.

OP, stick to the plan!

 

True, but don't expect a guy to keep going down on you for half an hour constantly giving you one nut after another orally then when he's ready to stop you ask for a few more minutes if you're not even going to consider returning the favor.

Funny thing is that last night when I got home from the gym last night and was about to walk back into my house she hits me up asking what I was doing. I told her I had just gotten home from the gym and she said for me to come see her. I told her I wasn't as fresh as I wanted to be. Her reply was, "it's okay, you normally sweat when you're going down on me." I told her I was tired but I could use some head. She said that "it could of been your lucky day." Again, this isn't the first time I've asked for some head and the 2 times she's done it she may have spent a total of a minute each time and that was it. I said to her "
In all the years we've known each other you've probably only done that twice. Just curious, why?" That was last night and she hasn't replied yet. Why, because she has no desire to pleasure me in any way other than me going down on her and then me fucking her. Sometimes it's just nice to get a little knob polishing.

I guess my bigger question is this: Am I asking for too much?

 

To answer your question: NO. You are not asking too much. While getting oral is not an obligation, you certainly earned it after all you have given her. If she contacts you again, stick to your same message. Ask if she would go all the way before she gets her turn.
Not to tell you what to do or say, but to know what she does (or doesn’t) do or say.
I wish you luck

 

I feel you. Not that this relationship of ours has just been one sided because we're both benefiting from it. I just want a little in return. . . . every now and again. I'm not saying she's gotta do it every time but is an occasional thing gonna kill you?

 

I love when I take care of my gf and then she cuts me off and denies me and I have to go to bed frustrated and feeling used. Of course I also know she can't go to long wo/sucking me off, swallowing cum is her favorite. She only cuts me off occasionally, but fucks and sucks every time we're together otherwise. I think she only cuts me off because I told her that I enjoyed when a previous gf did it and she's actually doing it for me, she plays the dominant role well.

 

Flip the script. You did everything, sexually, for her that she wanted while you were dating. But the minute you got married those things tapered off until some of them actually stopped because "I just don't feel like doing those things again." How long do you think she would stick around not getting what she use to get? She'd have a side piece before you know it. Why is it any different if a woman decides to stop. Granted, my side piece never really started but you'll never know what you can get until you ask. I know a girl with the skills to get me off in a matter of a few minutes and she swallows but I don't really want her as a side piece, you feel me?

 

That’s right. But if you think like I do, every time you meet her you can’t help but think it’s one sided. About not wanting the other one who can get you off orally, sometimes you have to overlook certain talents for the greater good

 

True, I was just hoping to avoid having so many "side pieces". Because I assure you, If I go to this other girl every now and again just for some head, that's going to make me not want to give my all to the main one. I'm going to feel like "why am I putting in so much of an effort with this one and getting nothing in return?" A few licks and I'm going to be ready to fuck. I'm not going to be concerned about her needs at that point.

It's kind of like eating a meal. You want to go to a restaurant that you first of all like, and secondly you get everything on the menu you want. You wouldn't want to go to McDonald's for the sandwich, then drive down the street to Chick-fil-A for the fries, then on to Wendy's for the drink. Granted, sometimes you may just want some ice cream so you go to Dairy Queen, but that's a rare thing. A once in a while type situation. You don't want to start going to Dairy Queen for desert first them go to all those other restaurants, especially when you keep spending your money at the other restaurants but getting sub-par service. Dairy Queen is good and it hits the spot. However, if the ice cream machine at McDonald's is always down why do you keep going back there?