Should we open our marriage?

Okay?

 

So I've talked to my wife some more and showed her this thread. She thinks it's hilarious how polarized the posts are. And laughs at all the people who suspect she lied to me. (I pointed out to her that the way I wrote it kind of pointed toward my own suspicions) Regardless, I'm not the one to hold a grudge, and I believe her.If she has cheated the only one it's hurting is her.

I've also made a list of situations and sexual acts that we both looked at and rated items 0-10. I will share it here for further discussion. (the list was bigger, but I cut out the control questions and left in the good stuff.

0 = Hell No!
10 = Fuck yes!

Anal Sex: Her=0 Me=7
Photograph Her Nude: Her=9 Me=10
Share nude photo with someone other than me: Her=5 Me=7
Have a one night stand with a stranger: Her=7 Me=0
Talk dirty with each other: Her=7 Me=10
Talk dirty with someone other than partner: Her=8 Me=3
Her having oral sex with someone other than me: Her=5 Me=4
Me having oral sex with someone other than her: Her=6 Me=2
Her having sex with someone other than me: Her=7 Me=7
Me having sex with someone other than her: Her=6 Me=2
Me watching her have sex with another man: Her=4 Me=9
Her having sex without me around: Her=7 Me=1
Open Marriage: Her=7 Me=7

That's a lot to sort through, but it basically says we want some different things and some similar things, at least now we know where we both stand... She says that she wants to do it less now that we've been talking about it. I think the wrongfulness of cheating was part of the draw

She's tired tonight but I think she wants to post on here sometime soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRUh7sb4c-M

 

Yeah, we've been talking to each other now. We aren't just trying to figure out what the other person wants, we're discovering what we personally want.

 

As for our plans moving forward...

We aren't going to bring anyone else into our relationship. She wasn't very comfortable doing it in front if me, and I wasn't comfortable with her doing it without me. We both love each other, and see it as a pretty big gamble. We would never be able to forget if we did it just once. If she has urges again I asked her to let me know, and we can talk again about the possibility

We're basically just bored right now, we want to start having kids, but we don't feel like we make enough money...(we don't).

 

Well its been over a month now. My wife has completely stopped talking to the guy she met on instagram, we've moved past talking about an open marriage and we've been having amazing sex(We discovered her orgasm).

Meanwhile, I decided to start talking to my friend who made a move on her a year and a half ago. I want the three of us to be able to hang out again with no hard feelings. It is my belief that to truly forgive someone is good for the soul. We started talking to him and were trying to get him to come visit us(I want him to make the hour drive to our town to show he is committed to being friends again.)

Tonight my wife told me that she had been talking to him and he told her that he still has feelings for her and wished they had made an effort. I got upset and told her "at least I know where we stand, I needed to know if I should like him or hate him and he gave me his answer."

Now she's acting all weird like I shouldn't be mad at him. I feel like she is trying to defend him. I'm putting the pressure on for him to come visit us so we can bring everything out in the open. He either needs to tell me to fuck off and leave him alone. Or he needs to come talk to us and work this out. I feel like I need closure on the whole situation.

I should be the one to tell him to fuck off. I'm too good natured.

Just sharing my thoughts for the night.

 

You cant seriously be that dumb

 

Where was it?

 

I still remember when I discovered my orgasm. Turns out, it was in the top right desk drawer the whole time!

 

I'm trying to picture this and it's fucking hilarious!

*opens drawer*
*finds orgasm*
"There you are. I have been looking for you for a loooong time."
"Now get the fuck outta there and get to work"

 

That's EXACTLY how it played out.

 

She's young and lustful. Men are making her feel desirable. I think it's as simple as that. If anything, I think she'll eventually want out of the marriage. You two could try the open thing, but I think she ponders that option only to spare your feelings. She wants permission to be with other men. And yes, eventually it'll ruin your marriage. Yet possessiveness, insecurity, jealousy won't work either. You'll both be miserable.

 

If she really wants other men to fuck her, it's going to happen eventually. She can be honest about it, or she can be forced to lie. That's the only decision left to be made, in the short term.

Long term, who knows? The situation has to play itself out.

 

After meeting the man who is now my husband, I was totally consumed by him. I loved being with him and couldn't imagine another man in my life. After we'd been married, I started missing some of the variety I experienced when I was single. I didn't love my husband any less, he didn't satisfy me any less, but I missed the excitement of turning on a guy and realizing I still had "it." It took some time, but eventually through hinting and double entendres, we figured out both of us had a little extramarital variety on our minds. We talked about it for a long time before making any moves. Our first experiences were awkward, but eventually we met a couple we enjoyed. They directed us to other couples we might like and it took off from there.

We have a beautiful 5-year old daughter, are committed to our families, and enjoy each other immensely. We only swap every few months, and when we do, it's by joint agreement. We contact the couple, renew our acquaintances, discuss what our interests are, and discuss STD testing. Only after we're both convinced we're comfortable do we make plans.

I guess what I'm saying is you can have sexual experiences outside of marriage without it being a threat. I will warn you, it's not for everyone, and the only way it will work is if there's good, open communication between you and your spouse. We're not looking for a replacement for each other, just a little noncommittal variety. Hopefully that's all your wife is looking for.

Good luck!

Donna

 

Last night I told my wife that I had been reading her direct messages on Twitter between her and some guy in Florida. She had basically been making small talk with him, she told him that she loves her husband completely and only wants someone to flirt with. They have pet names for each other. In light of what has been going on it could have been a lot worse.

We talked for a little while about what she wants and why she didn't tell me what was going on. She thought it was innocent and not worth mentioning. I disagree with her saying that after her past indiscretions, starting a new conversation with a guy and talking to him while I'm in the room without telling me is a problem

We also talked about my invasion of her privacy. The main reason I even told her about it was because I knew I wouldn't be able to stop on my own. It got to the point where I was sneaking onto her phone at night reading text messages from the new guy and looking up deleted messages from her past conversations.

My goal has never been to control her, and I'm not telling her to cut ties with this guy. She is going to continue talking to this guy, and maybe other guys in the future. I told her I would not spy on her anymore. She agreed not to call anyone, not to meet with anyone, not to "fall in love" with anyone, and to tell me when I ask if she has messaged someone.

I know this all sounds like a relationship that is doomed to failure, but I hope we can work it out. I'm trying really hard to keep the communication open because I feel like we can survive anything if we talk about it. She doesn't seem to think the relationship is in jeopardy at all, but she also thinks she can keep herself from falling in love with someone at will....

P.S. Her orgasm was located in her bottom drawer behind her socks.:2thumbsup:

 

Just a question, how did/does your 5 year old daughter react/feel about having parents who are into mild swinging? Or is she kept in the dark about it? If she figures it out when she's older how do you plan on addressing it?

 

I find this rather strange...

 

Yes, I tend to be passive aggressive. I was trying to say that it's hard to take her word when she thinks she has control over who she falls in love with. She says she is madly in love with me right now, but I know love works in mysterious (f-ed up).

Basically I believe her, I'm just not sure she knows what she's talking about.

 

I will point out also that I am a clingy man. We've had problems in the past with me wanting sex all the time. Making passes at her every time she removes a piece of clothing. Snuggling in bed when she just wants to sleep. Touching her all the time.

It usually comes in waves. Occasionally I withdraw and treat her like a roommate, and she doesn't even notice. We want several months where we had sex 1 or 2 times a month if any, not for the lack of trying on my part. It didn't seem to make any difference whether I was making passes or not. The time of the month we were having sex was about a week after her period, so I eventually held off my advances until that week. She would only instigate sex about 5% of the time.

I keep talking in past tense because since out conversation about her sexting the sex is great we do it 3-4 times a week during the good part of the month, and 1-2 the rest of the month.

I know I'm off topic from the thread, but it still has to do with relationships. I want to keep updating this post as a way to get it off my mind. I also like the comments, funny or serious.

And in another interesting twist, I sent a link to this thread to my old friend who my wife originally had feelings for.

 

I am working on my possessiveness, insecurity and jealousy. In the past I was re-labeling my jealousy to avoid admitting to it. Now we have talked about it and both acknowledge that it exists. I hope the rest is not true, time will tell.

This is all true, she is 24 and is just beginning to discover her sexual side. In the last month I have seen her go from shy and timed in the bedroom to wild and adventurous. She is starting to wonder what she missed out on by marrying so young. She admitted that the sex we had at the beginning of our relationship as well as her past boyfriends was because she was doing what was 'expected of her'. So she is curious what another man would have to offer.

I'm optimistic, because it would kill me to be any other way, but I think she is over the idea of a physical relationship. (I am certainly over the idea of sharing her). She has someone to flirt with online, so we will see if that scratches her itch.

 

I think Donna is offline all this week, but I know that her daughter doesn't have a clue about any of that stuff. I don't think she even knows what sex is yet. I didn't, at that age.

The couple that I have a regular arrangement with has two daughters much older than five, and they have known for years that the four of us spend weekends together several times a year. Why would they suspect that anything sexual is going on?

I know other pairs of couples that hang out a lot, and take trips together. Nobody knows what any of them are doing behind closed doors, if anything. Nobody needs to know.