Should I Tell him that I can't orgasm?

I always orgasm, really strongly too, when I masturbate. But I have never orgasmed with a partner before. I'm not sure why either because it feels really good during sex, I just can't ever finish. And it doesn't bother me that I can't finish, I still love spending close time with him. But it bothers and stresses me out that he always asks if I finished, and I am bad at faking; part of me wonders if he knows I'm not finishing. He always asks me if I finished, and says that he doesn't mind to keep going or do what it takes to make me finish- but usually by the time he is finished, I am sore and not near orgasm.

Should I tell him that I can't orgasm? Or should I not bother, since I really don't think there is any way to fix it? I don't want him to feel like he is doing something wrong.

And if you were a guy in his position, would you want to know or not?

 

Unsure. But im told its always best to be honest

 

Yeah that's why I'm so torn over this though. Because I promised him I'd be honest, but I don't know if the truth is best in this case. Because he's doing everything right, it's just me. But I don't know what to do to fix it, or if there even is a way.

 

Visit your doctor? Thats all the advice i have i hope other people might have more/better advice

 

I’d be honest with him. I used to fake it a long time ago with my husband (then boyfriend) and he was very hurt when he found out.

What about when he’s using his fingers or mouth? I rarely ever orgasm through intercourse alone. Can you just show him what you like? Have him do whatever you do when you masturbate. Or use a toy. A wand or bullet type toy will get me off every single time.

 

Have you tried masturbating during sex? Maybe try with the lights off too? Maybe it's a nervous thing?

 

Yes that also a good tip maybe get a bullet or a vibrating cock ring

 

Respectfully, First ask yourself if you think this relationship is going to get stronger and if you are really committed to each other. If the answer is yes,then you need to have a very serious talk with him. Not that he has done anything wrong, but you should never hide your feeling. Ever! Maybe you should tell him away from the bedroom. Tell him that you really need a good orgasm too. My wife and I are a senior couple and talk about sex daily. We have “no” secrets. Maybe you and him need to take time to learn your body and what feels good to you. Tell him to slow down some. Sex should be fun and not worrisome. It takes work and a open mind. I would also say that if he is not a good sexually, you may have break it off and move on.
“Your” sex life is too important.

 

The best relationship I ever had, I would have her, then suck her tits while she played with herself.

 

I started eating pussy in 1971 and every woman I’ve been with has had an orgasm from it , many had never had an orgasm until I ate their pussy , the first giri I ate out , a Filipina had two kids and we had had sex twice before but she didn’t participate much so one day it was raining and we got naked and I moved my head between her legs and started licking and sucking on her lips and clit and when she started to cum I put my lips around her clit while she reached her first orgasm ever and she cried after that for 20 minutes and then climbed on top we fucked for over an hour she didnt want to stop she was like a totally different sex partner and after that every woman gets her pussy eaten and cums first

 

This is pretty normal in my experience Diva.
Orgasm when you control the pressure/speed/location is a cinch. Reaching orgasm when you don't, is a skill to be learned for many women.
First of all...absolutely communicate it to your partner. This is not something you should worry about, and the more you worry - the least likely you will be able to.
Try this, choose a position where you can masturbate during sex. If it helps, make sure there is music playing and dark so no distractions and you know he can't see you.
Concentrate more on your hand movements etc. than his pumping...as if he is not there. If you can attain an orgasm - you will see how much he LOVES it. But don't let that pressure you the next time. Keep doing this.... he will love it and get very excited...you will find it easier as time goes by. But you may never be able to by intercourse alone. My wife is 54, and has never been able to. It does not bother me in the least when she makes herself cum. Whether we are having sex or not.
Women are not men. Men will always ejaculate, usually sooner than they want! But you were not built that way.
Don't worry about it. Just enjoy the sex!

 

My wife has NEVER orgasmed from just being fucked. Doesn't matter if it's a dildo,big dick,small dick, anything. A lot of women have to have clit stimulation during intercourse or will never orgasm. She uses a vibrator. Always has,always will. It can be irritating, especially if you enjoy bondage as she has to be doing the clit play to achieve full orgasms

 

I would say to you challenge accepted

 

if you would like to take a chance that the sex may get better, tell him..... your sex life has NO chance of getting better if your partner doesnt know what the problem is.

my wife is the same way... she said she has never had an orgasm from intercourse with anyone ever, no matter the size or technique used... and even orally, it takes her awhile to get there, but the good thing is, she likes sex and is easily multi orgasmic after that "tough to achieve" first one is out of the way....

but with me KNOWING the problem, her conscience is clear so she can better focus on our sex, and with me knowing, I/we are very open to tying new things and ways in an effort to see if it can get even better than it is.... for both of us.

there is no shame in not being able to orgasm every time, but its a shameful waste in not sharing the information that could make it better....

 

I would want to know.

 

I have this same problem and telling my partner helped me feel more comfortable with it but didn’t help me get what I wanted Lol

 

I can tell you worrying about will definitely not help, as I get older it takes longer for me to finish and I know my wife gets frustrated. When it does take longer I get distracted thinking it is taking too long and then it takes even longer - viscous circle.

When you say you can't orgasm is that from penetration only? Many women can't orgasm from penetration. I can get my wife off with a finger on her g spot while I lick her clit or licking or rubbing her clit while I play with her nipples. She also orgasms when I finger her ass or combination of licking her clit and fingering her ass but it has been a really long time since she had an orgasm from my penis. Last time she did I was on top and she grabbed my dick and rubbed it on her clit till she came. I am going to try to introduce some toys in the future like a small vibrating butt plug so see if that helps get her off.

You say you orgasm from masturbation have you tried masturbating in front of him? That could be a way to bridge the gap.

As far as truth my wife has always been honest which is a bummer at times but I know when she gives up and I know when I do get her off. If you are never going to orgasm that will be a very difficult thing for a man to deal with IMO.

I would consider broadening your horizons, try toys or if he is not dining at the Y ask him to. If he is doing it give him instructions, make sure to give positive feedback on what does feel good. I would love my wife to be more vocal. Try rubbing one out in front of him....try to introduce some anal play, there are a lot of nerves back there and they are all interconnected. Some of my wife's most intense orgasms were when i was licking her ass and fingering her clit....or licking her clit with my finger up her ass...

 

Whenever I have had a new friend I would tell her she is my teacher when my tongue is on her ya ya. I told them to direct me so I would know her favorite moves. They were all so very different in that area.

 

I had a girlfriend that had never had an orgasm during sex. ( She was 56 at the time and I think it was mostly about the jerks she picked and never really care for) but setting that aside when she told me we had been having sex for months. Her faking it was kind of mild but that was ok. I kind of laughed to myself because I had faked a few myself.
But what I proposed is that we have sex without orgasm. Each promising to stop at the edge and at least three stops before we stopped and just cuddled. this worked for two nights and she said she felt more comfortable. The third time we did this I wanted to cum so we did our hour of three stops and then cuddled but I was not really ready to call it quits so I massaged her everywhere and worked my way between her thighs. I had gone down on her before and thought she had cum but she had not. this time I teased and really just wanted her to wants sex again and through out our stop before cuming thing. I enjoy the licking and sucking, the silkiness of the labia and the firmness of the magic button and sure enough it worked. when she screamed she wanted me inside of her and then once in she said DON'T STOP THIS TIME, I gladly got into motion. Wow did she scream and cry when she came.
When we talked she agreed it was all in her head. From the things she was taught about what good girls don't do, The lack of joy in the first man she married and those afterwards were just how she thought it was suppose to be. I know my times when I do not cum is because I am not all that interested in the woman and just doing the motion because it is expected. One another note about thoughts the girl I was with last year was 71 and when I touched her she got wet. any touch, anytime. She once dripped on the floor from under her robe form a good morning hug. I know I write a lot and get off topic but SEX IS IN YOUR HEAD the good and the bad.

 

Kylee, I sympathize. I have struggled with a similar issue ... similar to the extent that men considered me very slow to orgasm. Many times I would get myself off post-coitally (personally, I considered the vast majority of men to be far too quick to come). However, don't assume the situation cannot be addressed.

If you are in a serious relationship, communication is important, and your partner should be able and willing to work with you. Male ego tend to be a bit sensitive, so your concern about his feelings are understandable, but don't lose sight of your own needs. Try varying positions, try a vibe or having him give ample oral attention before intercourse.