Should I go a different way about this?

So I’m not what you would call closeted because I have never had sex nor touched another woman romantically. However I have fantasies. Anyway, my initial thought about courting a woman is to live on my own and be more self-sufficient.i.e. Learn to drive and take her out. I’m in my mid thirties and I don’t know if I should just go in for the kill and just date or if I should put off my desires until I love on my own and can court her appropriately?

 

When I was a young man, I found out about people going both ways. & I was curious.

But as things progressed, and my questioning began, I decided to hold off.

& I truly looked into why exactly was I intrigued.

After years, & looking back it was because I was angry at my parents - we had a falling out over drugs, and I was asked to leave - and I was on the heels of a relationship I had ruined with cheating and drug abuse, but ultimately that was destined to fail when my then girlfriend went away to college.

& I was sleeping around. It wasn't hard to imagine something new, and with all the acid and the ecstasy and newly discovered dance music, it seemed plausible.

But I waited. Rather than defiantly and confusedly insisting that "I'm gay" or "I'm bisexual", I asked my mom. It was basically something like "Hey mom, is it possible that I'm gay?". She assured me that no, it was not a likelihood.

Unconvinced, I continued questioning for years. And eventually I healed my old wounds with my parents and with my ex. I moved on and decided to not explore that pathway - it ceased to be a viable concern.

Looking back, I don't regret my decision to go straight. I'm glad and I have that to thank when I consider the relationship I have with family today.

 

Worst thing you can do is suppress your sexuality. I had occasional gay fantasies in my twenties and early thirties but only acted on them through masturbation (and felt disgusted with myself afterwards). Thankfully I married an awesome woman who told me of her lesbian fantasies when I was about 35. I confessed to my gay fantasies and felt really good about it. Finally accepted it was okay to be attracted to men.

Since then my attraction has become a lot stranger and now identify as gay at the age of 49. My first time with a man was about 6 years ago and I have been kicking myself ever since for not experimenting sooner. Wasted younger years scared of society and what it thinks. You be you. If you like men, women, or both, pursue what makes you happy. Good luck!