Should Gays Come Out?

I believe gender roles and expected gender behavior originates in the ridiculous ideas that our purpose is to procreate, or to continue life, and that the only right way to live is to act accordingly to fulfill this purpose. I imagine that any society that did not live by that philosophy would not have the clear cut gender roles or expected gender behavior.

I believe it's up to each person to determine what their own purpose is.

If you feel your purpose is to procreate, then that is your purpose. If it is merely to love, then that is your purpose. If you don't fit the typical stereotype for your gender, that means nothing if your purpose is to feel how you want to feel and act how your heart tells you to act.

So many people feel guilt and shame because they don't realize that no one else should decide what your purpose should be, no one else should decide how you should feel and express your feelings.

It's too bad we are bombarded with gender role programming from the moment we are able to form thoughts. How can anyone feel freedom with so many expectations.

 

I agree with that though, that the reason for life is nothing more than procreation and continuation of a species.

I have no problem with ending a bloodline because of my sexuality though. Just because I agree with something doesn't mean I'll live by that agenda, lol, not a chance.

 

I actually meant that I don't believe the reason for life is procreation. I know from your posts that you are a lesbian. I don't believe that you or any other lesbian or gay person should feel that they are not fulfilling a purpose that is supposedly required of all living things. I don't believe in such a purpose.

It's good that you don't have a problem with ending your bloodline. That would weigh on a lot of people's minds. One of your purposes, it seems, is to make people smile and laugh and think with your good posts. You might even designate your purposes to be to live life to the fullest, enjoy and love your partner, take care of your rabbits and horses. But you decide that (I have a feeling that you don't let others decide for you anyway ).

But as far as gender roles go, I feel those are manufactured by society. And as far as procreation goes, I feel that was pure chance that it started, it continues because it works, and I don't feel that any person should feel that they are failures or are inadequate or wrong in not deeming it one of their purposes.

Sorry if I misunderstood your response.

 

Ehhh one of my sisters has a child and one due next month. No need for me to worry about any of that. I'm a sick ass aunt, I don't want to be a mother. Too much responsibility as a parent. An aunt on the other hand.. it's just super fun and I get to hand them back over when I've had enough. xD

I try not to let things weigh on my mind really. Life really is too short for those burdens.

 

Speaking for myself, I'll state why I feel the need to let it be known that I am gay to people that I will frequently interact with.

This mostly applies to my working environment. I have moved locations a few times with my job over the years. When I first started the job, I was in my 20's and was not out at work. I was afraid of being stuck in a situation I could not control. If a family member or friend could not accept me after coming out then I could stop talking to that person (if that's what I chose to do). But if a coworker had a problem with me being gay, I would still be forced to interact with this person on a daily basis. Over the years, having to hide the fact that I was gay became much more of a burden to me than if I had just let whoever had a problem with it, have a problem with it.

Eventually, I moved to another location with a fresh new start and this time I told myself that I was not going to hide who I am anymore. I wasn't going to introduce myself as "Hi, my name is _____ and I'm a gay man!". But if someone were to ask me, I was going to tell them. Well no one ever really asked, and I became friendly with some of the people in the office. But once in a while I would hear a gay joke or the word "faggot" or something like that and I wasn't sure how to offer up the information that I was gay. I thought I would come across as the lone protester making everyone else feel awkward. Again, I put other people's comfort ahead of mine.

I moved locations once again (where I am now), and this time while still not pronouncing it verbally. I just put a little gay pride sticker on my car from day one and I feel like everyone knows now. I don't have to worry about awkward moments like homophobic comments in my vicinity, guys sharing with me which woman at work they want to bang in expectation of me sharing my thoughts on the female coworkers, etc. I'm much more happier and relaxed knowing that everyone knows I'm gay. That's just me though.

 

yeah, it's a whole another topic on its own.

it's not a bad thing. there is no such thing really. but can you really say that you don't draw a line at some point where feminine behavior/looks on a man stops being attractive/neutral? i can't say that. i agree that some things (like expressing emotion) shouldn't constitute a threat to a guy's masculinity at all. but i do draw a line crossing which will make a guy unattractive to me.

 

Coming out is a personal decision based on many different ideas and reasons that do not strictly have to do with strictly being one of the "Gays".

I did not have a chance to come out on my own terms at the age of 17 I was caught with a same sex roommate in a sexual situation and in turn the facility punished me and my roommate and informed my parents and all the other peers in my group. It is not always ones choice to 'come out'. in my case as in many I was Outed by others. Much earlier than I would have if ever decided to come out to my family and friends.

I find if you are in fact gay and deciding to come out, it like someone else said is a personal decision and gays are not a noun or what have you and coming out has not a lot to do with hate crimes.

Many Hate Crimes are commited against suspected gays or a sterotype person who looks to be gay or is in an area frequented by gays and those who hate gays do not stop to ask before or during a hate crime if you are indeed gay or say "OK sorry I misunderstood and since your straight we will now walk away and not beat you to an inch of your life because we now know you are not gay" No, women and not more likely to be victims of a hate crime on the sole reason they are a female, that is ridiculous and know there is no factual documentation to back that claim up, however a male in the USA who is gay is so much more likely to have been a victim of a hate crime than all heterosexuals and minorities combined.

Rather or not gays should cone out depends on not gays in general but the individual person who is a gay human being or in the originator of this thread bisexual. So each gay person has to decide if they are going to come out and to who and take the chance of many more people they may not have intended finding out there gay by people who you think you can trust or find out you are not able to and go spreading it all over a town or city that you are gay. I am not familiar with this carpetbagger or whatever that is referring to and doubt gays would refer to themselves as being such a type of person.

I am sorry if this was a big ramble but this thread talks much more than just coming out of the closet it goes a hundred different directions as did my reply. I am out not so much by choice and no one physically has laid hands on me for years though I have been the victim of a hate crime more than twice or three times even in my life and it was due to my sexuality and not my choice. I have no friends because of being gay and no one especially likes to talk to me when I try to go out and I know no other gay people in this town I live and it is a very lonely life being ostracized for being gay and other things I have no control over. If I had a choice to have been born heterosexual I would have been much better off. I never would have had to come out or be outed I would have just been.

 

Again, simply not true, not even close to the truth

 

Yeah this seems to be happening a lot where are people getting these statistics

 

quote=dark suger;8058008]Yeah this seems to be happening a lot where are people getting these statistics[/quote]


I started a thread with the statistics on hate crimes if that is what you are questioning on gay men being victims of hate crimes or if you are just disagreeing with my entire post I am unsure you neither seem to specify which is not true, seems your flaming.

 

People are free to express themselves anyway they like (as long as they aren't harming someone else). The only thing that stops them is the fear of judgment from those around them.

And this isn't exclusive to homosexuals. It's true for everyone.

 

I've never personally understood much why people feel the need to know someone's sexual orientation unless one is attracted to the other. I had two of my friends "come out", and I think it felt very liberating to one of them to feel more true to themselves and his friends. My other friend just kind of made a boyfriend out of the blue and didn't really mention it.

Just live your life, if someone disrespects you for what/who you love, why would you want to be with them anyways?

 

?????I do not think it is necessary at all,, as many here have said and I agree,, it is no one's business what a person's sexual preference is,, I lived most of my life trying to be straight in the beginning to bisexual staying hidden living the life then later in life totally gay, I know many gay, bi and straight guys and women, and some out most in the closet and happy,, I am only out to a few my immediate family and a few friends I wish I could be wide open but with society and work conditions the possibility of loosing a job or other important things in life, the coming out should only be a choice by the person when they feel very comfortable with the choice that harmful reactions will not return to them..

 

It's an individuals choice....that being said, these things become a practical issue beyond a certain poiny & you are going to have to decide what you publicly identify as or what you say when you are asked stuff which pertains to your sexuality/relationship status etc.

 

I see no reason why anyone should come out, even if they just wear panties or go to weekend furry conventions.