Short term Bi-polar?

Discussion in 'Mental Health' started by lynsey, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    I'm sorry that was mean. I didn't mean that. I'm just frustrated.
     
  2. Peanuts

    Peanuts Nutz

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    What did they put you on? What is the next step in your recovery? When do you see the Doctor again?

    I'll be in and out of the house today. PM/email me and I'll be checking frequently. I'm going to be calling the doctor for my infection this morning and hopes to get in there asap. It's not going away.

    This is serious shit and I hope this plan the doctor has for you is what is going to lead you to better/sane health. I wouldn't drink while on the new meds. That might send you down a spiraling nightmare. You are going to pull through this. You have your mom and friends supporting you.

    Much love to you.
     
  3. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    I'm on 50mg Seroquel at bedtime, 40mg Celexa in the afternoon, 1 mg Xanax in the early evening and the 300 mg zyban/wellbutrin ( I was already on this) in the morning and kolonopin and extra xanax as a prn. The seroquel is working wonders already. I slept through the entire night, no nightmares, no flashbacks for the first time in 3 years. I didn't want it because it's an anti-psychotic and the stigma attached to that is just horrible for me because of my family's mental health history.
    I went back this morning and am in outpatient care, so I go everyday, except for Sundays. I still get to go to san francisco and I am also going to Texas for a week in Dec (I got my old training job with the clubs back). I just can't drink at all and I can't smoke pot ever again. These two things are going to be hard for me but since I am getting drug tested every week I have to stick with it.

    The doctor says it is up to me as soon as my brain is quiet enough to process everything it will. It's scary but not as scary as I thought after doing some research. It's really common among rape/incest survivors and it's something that therapy can defintley cure. So I will have the PTSD for the rest of my life but not DID.

    I just wish I made healthier choices for myself the past couple years and sought out therapy the day after it happened instead of taking that damn math test...can you believe I got an A on that math test? That's how dissasociated I was the day after. I remembered that this morning.

     
  4. Peanuts

    Peanuts Nutz

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    I can't even begin to imagine what you went through after all that happened. I would think it is normal for a person to disossiate themselves after something horrific like what you went through. You are doing the best thing possilbe for yourself getting help. It doesn't matter if it was the day after or now. What matters is now and how you move forward from here. You are in the right direction.:)
     
  5. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    Thanks :) I finally feel like I am in the right direction. I am just keeping it between my mom and I and don't plan on telling the rest of my family or the majority of my friends. I just want the guilt to stop and to stop hearing pervious accusations from every partner I have been with afterwards. I feel like I might want to go into inpatient because when I do remember things from that incident or just anything negative it's like I'm reliving the experience over again and they come one after the other. If I still feel this bad on Monday I think I am going to check myself in. I thought I was just flawed maybe a little flakey. I wasn't expecting this at all.

    I feel worse but in a way I also feel better. It's a hard feeling to articulate.

     
  6. Peanuts

    Peanuts Nutz

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    Honestly maybe that is what you need. If you check yourself in then you'll be able to put focus on the things you need to work through... to be able to live the rest of your life not feeling guilt or shame. You don't deserve to live in guilt. Those things that happened were not your fault.

    I checked myself into the hospital when I was 19 and again when I was 20. The first time was a mental hospital. The second was a rehab. That's when I was hooked on Klonopin and such. The therapy was very helpful and so was the outpatient therapy.

    Checking yourself in is not a sign of weakness. It's telling yourself your done living a certain way that has made you unhappy and it's time to fix that so you can enjoy or at least cope with the rest of your life. :)
     
  7. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    Thank you, sometimes it's hard not to feel guilty over feeling guilty...that sounded odd. My mom doesn't want me to do inpatient. She desperatley wants me to not let my dad win and to be 'normal'.

    My mom and I talked a lot these past couple days, which is good because before she would never talk directly to me about it, always behind my back. She said whatever happened and however it happened was not my fault and that I need to keep the people who said otherwise cut out of my life.
    We are going to J Jill and Anthropologie today so I can get some cute digs for san francisco and for her because she lost even more weight...I am so jealous!
    Thank you for everything, for listening to me...I would sing the Golden Girls song right now if I could :)
     
  8. alpha ralpha

    alpha ralpha Member

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    I'm going to go and check out that abilify, I wouldn't even leave my apt if I didn't have to get groceries and walk my dog. I haven't done laundry for months, this is just ridiculous.
     
  9. fitzy21

    fitzy21 Worst RT Mod EVAH!!!!

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    you have no reason to feel guilty - it wasn't your fault, nothing that happened was your fault. it does sound a little bit odd when you feel guilty but others say you should and you know you shouldn't - the advice you gave me for that worked wonders. :)

    you are making awesome strides here to better yourself; theres no shame and i don't believe that you will let your dad win if you go into inpatient - he will only have that 'control' if you don't heal and you're doing that and you're doing great.

     
  10. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    Ok so I need to take my own advice ;) Thank you, guilt sucks. My medication is working so well. The difference is unreal. I was so adverse to going on more medication but I should have listened to my psychiatrist earlier because i feel great and very connected to myself right now.
    We had such a good time today So on a more positive note this is what I got for san francisco(the pants were on sale at the store as was the sleveless top, I didn't pay 88 for them). The dress is for the wine curators party. I'm going to wear it with navy esperellda wedges that tie at my calves. I soooooooo needed to shop-What to you think of the dress? Should I take it back and wear one of my black dresses instead?
    http://www.anthropologie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=14014&itemType=PRODUCT&iSubCat=1363&iMainCat=15

    http://www.anthropologie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=13445&itemType=PRODUCT&iSubCat=319&iMainCat=314

    http://www.anthropologie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=13469&itemType=PRODUCT&iSubCat=1791&iMainCat=9

    http://www.anthropologie.com/jump.jsp?itemID=10741&itemType=PRODUCT&iSubCat=317&iMainCat=314

     
  11. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    wow. I am so sorry. I would see someone. What are you taking right now? I didn't get abilify because my disorder was completley different than what I thought but I did get celexa for pot withdrawls and accute anxiety and it is making me sooooo happy during the day. Also, the seroquel makes me really lazy, hard to get out of bed. When I go back to work I do not think I will be able to take it but my brain is sooooooo quiet on it.
     
  12. fitzy21

    fitzy21 Worst RT Mod EVAH!!!!

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    glad the meds are working well. its great you feel connected to yourself and more intune with yourself. this is really a great step for you and you should be proud of yourself for taking it :)

    i love all of them except for the cascade top - i just don't like it. but the dress is beautiful and i'd imagine it'd look even better on you.

     
  13. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    aweee thanks :D

    I didn't like it as a top either but then I took my skirt off and it looked really good when I pulled it down and wore it as a short dress. It's really oversized so I am going to cinch the waist in with a black tie belt I have and wear super casual black flip flops and chunky silver jewlry with it.

     
  14. fitzy21

    fitzy21 Worst RT Mod EVAH!!!!

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    well that sounds like it would look better - gonna need photographic proof...it just didn't look like it would flow right as a top
     
  15. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    we'll see...we'll see...Katie's the photographer d: Man I just wish Angie wasn't down here the weekend I am up there ):
     
  16. fitzy21

    fitzy21 Worst RT Mod EVAH!!!!

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    that sucks :( are you gonna see her up there at all? will she still be in SD when you get back?

     
  17. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    no ): We're flying in and out on the same days ):

    She wants to move back here next semester though and may switch her units over to National, where I am going in Feb. So we may be going to the same school again and have the same classes since our grad major is the same (except she's going for her doctorate and I am just goiing for my Master's.

     
  18. fitzy21

    fitzy21 Worst RT Mod EVAH!!!!

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    oh :(

    well that'd be cool if she does transer her units. angie sounds like a cool person :)

     
  19. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    she is my personality twin, we can't get over it. we have shown up before with the same shoes or dress on a million times. Yeah I need a 'real' friend down here...I was supossed to go out with laurie tonight but I don't want to...because everyone there has been involved with the same people Katie has slept with...it's VERY akward for me. Plus if I don't drink people are gonna wonder what the fuck is wrong with me. I want to be able to wine taste in Napa and at the party...and at Katie's early Thanksgiving so I am going to have to ask my doctor about that tommorow.
     
  20. fitzy21

    fitzy21 Worst RT Mod EVAH!!!!

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    haha thats great that shes your personality twin. and a "real" friend would be great for you, so hopefully you'll get to hang out with her a lot :) and that does seem like it would be arkward to be there.

    and about the drinking, true friends will support you in not drinking if thats what you need to do. so ask your doctor tomorrow just to be sure if you can, don't want to screw up your meds

     

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