Hello everyone just a quick question that has m stumped. I have been seeing my new girlfriend for 6 months and have been committed to each other for 4. Now the issue I have is she has assured me that she hasn't slept with anyone else since we first slept together. I have recently discovered that this is not true and she was I fact still seeing a FWB up until we made a commitment with each other 4 months ago. Now I have no issue with her sleeping with someone else when we first started dating, because that was the start and no verbal commitment to each other had been made by either of us. Now the person who she was sleeping with, she told me that they never had sex (I only know of him because of Facebook and she told me that he de-friended her when we officially became an item.) Now against my better judgment I did the unthinkable and while she was in a heavy drunken sleep checked her messages. I only checked this said friend as my spidy senses knew something. (Justification I know) I now know that she was I fact sleeping with this guy when she said she wasn't, again it's only an issue to me because she said she wasn't . Now the reason it's an issue, is it has to do with our anniversary date she has made it from the time we first slept with each other as in her words she wasn't with anyone else so it's like she already made the commitment. I like that thought and have allowed myself to get use to it. But now knowing it's not true I feel a little cheated. Because not only did she sleep with him after that date they continued a very erotic relationship via measanger, I also believe sexual but can't guarantee it.so when I checked the dates of their chats and possible meet ups with my and hers activity calendar(meaning she has a list of our first things... Dinner, sex, meet family members) that type of thing and on those dates she was very affectionate and devoting to me. She was also seeing this guy and being explicit with him sexually. Again only an issue because she was telling me anther thing. I would also like to mention we are extremely close and I have absolutely no reason to think she has done anything like this since we officially became an item. I also do love her very much and I know she loves me. Things are good in the relationship. So it is only about that time frame. Wow so much for a quick problem. So my issue is, 1 do I tell her that I know. Oh it's today by the way, meaning revealing I broke the trust did the sneaky sneaky on her phone. 2 not say anything as it was before we made a verbal commitment to each other so really she had the righ to see who she wanted We have really pushed the trust and honesty issue with us (yes I know everyone says that) but it is a huge thing for me. I do feel hurt because why did she lye to my face and say it didn't happen and she didn't sleep with this guy, (I knw she doesn't want to sound like a whore) but she has told me about another fwb ( ok we are both around 40 and divorced before you start jumping to assumptions) Oh one last issue (wow gotta few) I have just found out her ex boyfriend before me (3 years together 8 months apart before we met) has done the I. Sorry left and want yo back bla bla shit. No problem there, she told me about it straight away and who am I to hassle this guy, he took a shot and she showed me their conversation, now on this one she said his name in bed as in. Love you bla bla (while she was asleep) again I'm understanding they where together 3 years, but I ask well have you been in contact lately (3weeks since the I love you wasn't you back one) she said no no nothing at all. I then see in my disgraceful snooping a merry Xmas to you xxxx message from her to him. Ironically a day or two before the I love you comment (so please any thoughts on that would be appreciated as well) Also I'm no bum 16 years australian army full time and a helicopter rescue crewman personal trainer and boxing instructor (yep boasting) Like sands through the hour glass... So learned readers should I broach the subject or let it slide. Thank you and good night
We all have some kind of baggage that we carry with us - the question is can we accept Dishonesty? Without Truth, Commitment will be broken and lasting Relationship break. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" equates to "Once a liar, Never a trusted person there be"
She sounds like a cheating liar. Listen, I can deal with a lot of shit and problems. But I can't deal with dishonesty. Because it fucks with my equilibrium and have no idea which way is up or down. No one deserves that imo!
If not a troll, then here goes.... It's a tough situation when you go behind someone's back and be sneaky to find out information, and then up being right. You either do it because you have trust issues or because your sixth sense (or spidy sense as you so called it) are right, and it turned out in this case they were. At this point it needs to be brought out into the open. yes she's going to be pissed that you checked her phone / FB account, but then again you caught her red handed in a web of lies. Bottom line before you talk to her you need to decide up front if you're willing to pursue this relationship any further, and IMHO I think you're nuts if you do. You have enough evidence built up to know that she's been dealing something on the side, something which she's hidden and has no problem keeping hidden from you. Is this really someone you want to go further with in a relationship? Again decide that first before you talk to her. I say that because your GF is a professional liar. No matter what you hit her up with she's going to lie through her teeth. Even when a liar is caught they try to cover it up with more lies and are very good with wordplay. In the end she'll probably get you to believe that you were wrong for checking up on her and she's a total angel. It's all going to be BS whatever comes out of her mouth, so just know that... In the end do whatever you want to do, it's your life if you care to ruin it...
