Sharing without knowing

I have seen a lot of posts about sharing but wonder just how many others are sharing their wives without even knowing. I caught my wife being fucked on the dining table in April 2010. She was 55 at the time and the man supplying her needs was 23 as I later found out. To cut a very long story short he was the son of the best friends of the couple next door. She had been in a sexual relationship with next door (yes both of them) since late 1985. There have been others and she still goes next door and will often 'go shopping' from early morning until late at night or even into the next day. She is known at at least two 'clubs' in north Kent and is not averse to multiple encounters. I cannot understand that many really get turned on finding their wives doing this kind of thing but it is certainly fascinating.

 

It would turn me on!!

 

My wife and I started dating when we were 15 and married at 22. We were committed to each other, but she dated others (her mother's orders) in college. After we had been married a few years, she told me that she had sex on a regular basis with several guys her first two years in college. I knew she was fooling around, but never suspected she was actually screwing them, since she and I weren't having sex. Her confession totally turned me on, and I still enjoy the stories of her experiences.

 

How many others are sharing their wives without even knowing? How about wives sharing husbands? That's the case with our marriage. I have sex with other women and she doesn't or even want to know. She doesn't want to know who, when, or where. When I get the chance to meet up with a partner it's for sex and sex only. I make that very clear that our relationship is for sex and sex only. Once I get my fill I return to my wife recharged and able to support her and her medical issues. One thing sex does for me is to relieve stress and pressures from my daily life..

 

Big applause to your wife!! That's LOVE, brother. You have a SUPER lady there Barry, to allow you that freedom. Big kudos to you for taking care of your wife and her medical issues!! Lesser men might bail on such a situation. Bravo to you both.

 

There's so much cheating going on, people getting jealous about it, otherwise perfectly good relationships breaking up over it, etc. Why not simply embrace the fact that sexually charged people need more than one person? It's one thing if the side action interferes with the relationship but it often doesn't. People have sex with their partners and others on the same day and it's detrimental to no one, only beneficial. Yes, nobody wants a disease, nor to raise another's child, but those mitigated, what's the problem?

 

Because for the most part they are only mitigated not removed. Only if removed is the potential to be no problem (still potential emotional problems down the line)

 

Well, when you walk across the street, looking both ways to make sure nothing's coming, is that mitigating, or is that removing, the potential problem?

 

I dunno. Depends on the street, the closest bend and other factors. If it is a long straight road it could be considered removing. If you do that close to a sharp bend, then only mitigating slightly.

Your comment, or at least how I read it, is that there should be no problem if these are mitigated. For others they might need to be completely removed, sex exclusively within a group of people and complete sterility.

 

I believe Trudgin has it correct. By mitigating, which means to lessen the gravity of an offense or mistake (ie: getting her pregnant or catching a disease), one can continue to have an active sex life outside of a relationship. There are sexually charged people who need more than one person or need to continue having sex. Can a person control another persons feelings and desires? No they cannot. I am going to have sex with a woman. It will be outside my marriage. I may have to accept the ramifications for doing so but I am going to mitigate the issues that come with my decision.

 

And that is fair enough, you are willing to accept a small amount of risk. If my partner and I were ever (albeit unlikely) to have sex with somebody outside of our marriage my level of risk acceptance would be no medical risk (emotional risk cannot be removed completely).
My point, which I seem to have made a very bad attempt at making, is that mitigating the risk does not remove all of the potential medical problems for all people.

Edit: The above may have come across as an anti-monogamous statement, and it was not meant in that way at all, I am pro people doing whatever they want as long as it is all with consent. My post was intended to be anti-broad-sweeping-statement.

 

There's nothing wrong with your point. And it was presented clearly enough.
It just doesn't bring anything to the table which isn't already obvious.
It's basically tantamount to asserting that the sky is blue, and that we should stop and become aware of it.
Something that we all are familiar with is that risks are continuously present.
Locked "safely" in our homes we're not free of risk of injury or disease. Fires, chemicals, bugs/vermin, electricity, gas, water, planes making emergency landings on the roof, cars thinking it's a parking garage, blah,blah,blah. It would be a challenge to bound all the possibilities. Yet we live with the risks by mitigating. All of life is "risk management". You can see the various outcomes for people with different levels of that ability. The "cross the street" example usually spurs thought on the subject. Recognizing that one should judge according to their surroundings and circumstances applies across all aspects of life. Do your best to know what's right for you and execute accordingly.

 

There is always medical risk presented with sexual relations just like riding in a car. Accidents happen. It's mitigated by the use of condoms, medicine, and testing. Emotions are always involved with sex. Having sex begs for an emotional response. How one controls that response is key. Some people can enjoy a partner for sex and then move on. I'm that type of person. My last sex partner and I hit it off so well that I want to get together again. It is the emotion I felt during and after our liaison driving me to want to have sex with her again. It's a fine line but it can be controlled. If we never get together again I'm good with that too. It's happened to me before. Some people can't or let stronger emotions for that person prevail. That's where emotional issues arise so you are correct. Emotional risk cannot be removed completely.

BTW, I did not read anything about being against non-monogamy in your initial or subsequent comments. You're okay by me.

 

I'm that type of person, too. Doesn't seem that hard to control my emotions with logic. Different from not having emotions, it's just a matter of framing the situation. I doubt every guy falls in love with his prostitute, same vice-versa. But we can appreciate the experience. Connecting being in love to sexual activities limits one's activities. Great for some, not for all.

 

Everyone's situation is different, and before I start, huge props to Barry for the support he gives is spouse/partner, I am not one to judge anyone's situation or what people do in their own relationships. Just from my perspective there are emotions that will get involved and not necessarily sex = love but grass is greener type feelings. The situation where being able to get away from the daily routine of family (coming home from work to deal with kids with snotty noses, correcting homework, driving them to this practice or this rehearsal, and so on) leads to an almost resentment of that daily life when, despite best intentions, being with another partner removes that and provides an almost carefree situation. For people like Trudgin they can control their emotions with logic, but that doesn't necessarily mean that other people they are involved with can do the same.

To put things in context, the idea of including others in our sexual relationship is something my partner and I did discuss at an early stage in our relationship. However, circumstances led us to living in a small conservative community (in neither of our home countries, 2007/8 recession) where it would not have been possible to do so without jeopardizing our careers and livelihoods. Now, although we are living in a more liberal area, we have young kids and we don't feel that the impact of opening Pandora's box can be sufficiently mitigated.

To get back to the point I was trying to make when I first entered this thread. For a percentage of the population mitigating the emotional and medical risks will remove the problem and they will embrace the lifestyle without issue, for others only total removal of risk will remove the problem and for those people sex outside of a primary committed relationship won't work.

 

Good points. Risk adverse - mejor prevenir que lamentar. I would point out that bringing up children in a small conservative community is more conducive to them becoming independent productive adults than liberal cities. I think you already know that, though.

 

Trudging ^^^^ - My wife and I live in a liberal area between two cities and we are both independent and very productive. We have been all our lives. Cities don't = unproductive, welfare slobs!! A slug is a slug no matter where they're located.

 

It is an exciting mixture. You get jealous, it can hurt but you also want it to happen. It hurts when I know she is with him, knowing he is fucking her but I want him to cum inside her and when she gets back I want her more than ever

 

I'm sure. It's just harder to get away with in rural communities where more people know each other. In the cities there's much more anonymity with the neighbors and all, so the shame factor of living off the work of others is easier to avoid.

 

I hope I'm as lucky in sex as your wife is when i turn 55.

 

I like what is said here by TrudginAcrossTheTundra...a lot of cheatings going on both ways...that is human nature i suppose, people always want variety and changes all the time and not more of the same every day...so they cheat and most cheat secretly behind their partner's back fearing their spouse will get angry with them if they discover their betrayal and infidelity leading quite often to divorces...esp if their partners are the straight no-nonsense guys or ladies who are the possessive type and DO NOT like to share their partners with others...but yet not sexstifying them themselves, very selfish of them is my opinion...they are unable to satisfy their partners sexual needs and desires and yet would not allow others to do so on their behalf..sigh...why not, so long as precautionary measures are taken to avoid unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease..it's a win-win situation for all i would say .