Sexually abused and consequences

At nine he was a child as were you. How responsible do you actually expect a child or a young teenager to be? How aware is it reasonable to expect them to be? As I remember the old definitions:
Idiot- someone with the mind of a 2 year old. Imbicile mind of a 7 year old.
Moron - mind of a 12 year old.

So you were dealing with either an imbicile or a moron. And it turns out your cousin was not right in the head. Looking at what he was doing that is obvious right? Trouble is such people often have great charisma.

Horn-dog louts:

Un-compassionate horn-dog behavior by males in their teens and twenties is not unusual. Treating women badly when a male is in that age range is not unusual. Neither is growing up after age 25, an age where humans develop long range planning skills and awareness. Remember that they lowered the age of Majority to !8 so Nixon could continue to send young men to Viet Nam, not because they were adults. (As adults they would have most likely told someone to "forget it" when told to charge up a hill and kill people they did not even know!) You are growing into an adult with a conscience. That is good news.

Also humans in the ages between puberty and adult hood respond more to the emotional side of their mind than their logical or rational side. For these reasons healthy societies have developed systems to help them grow up without harming themselves or others. Those restraints have been removed for much of us today.

I also behaved like a jerk when I was younger. So did my friends. We cut each other slack for it now because we know we were just growing up. I even apologized to some and they apologized right back to me.

Stimulation Areas:
There are three major groups of nerve ganglia in the human body. They are the oral, genital, and anal. The challenge is to find the correct types of stimulation for each area. So you are now discovering that you enjoy certain types of stimulation in the anal area. That does not mean you are homosexual. It just means you are into exploration. Hey, for a research study, I placed an ad in Craigslist as a female with a strap-on looking to do males with the understanding that they would not be able to do me. In less than 2 hours I got over two hundred replies on average in all of the multi-state areas I ran the add. So to test the sexuality question I ran an ad as a top looking for bottoms in those areas. The responce was usually less than 10 over a week. So curiosity about anal stimulation is not indicative of homosexuality.

Porn Addiction
The Porn addiction is something that many men are subject to. I was worried I was heading in that direction so I had a friend install the Naomi filter on this computer. It was free. It works great at filtering porn. However it also filters out other things. Some things on this forum cause it to shut down. It also does not like Theosophy or Blavatsky. Still, I put up with the minor difficulties because the Porn was eating up my time and changing my head space and ways I look at women in an uncomfortable way. I would suggest you try to slay this dragon. I had to have a pal install it so that I would not know the password. I feel much better now and I am getting things done.

Please gentle with yourself. Youthful indiscretions are part of life. Your future is yours to make.

I found this saying from the Dali Lama to be valid. "To be happy live a life of warm heartedness and compassion."

It sure is easier than trying to control people and be angry.