Hi everyone I need some advice and insight on a matter I am having. My boyfriend and I have quite a significant age gap between us, him being the older one and we have been together for over a year (won’t comment ages). I am just wanting to seek some advice is relation to sexual performance. My boyfriend has only ejaculated three times while having sex in the whole time we have been together. And occasionally he also goes soft and can have trouble with getting it back up even when I try different kinds of foreplay. I am not really sure where to go from here with this as I haven’t had this experience before. We have sex pretty regularly and he always lets me finish which is never a problem but isn’t always fussed on finishing after but I really want to be able to have him finish while we are doing the deed. He has told me he is not bothered if he doesn’t get there but it is bothering me and I know deep down it has bothered him too on multiple occasions. I sometimes feel that maybe it’s me and something I am doing wrong but our relationship is extremely strong and we trust each other a lot so I am just so confused as to what to do. He wasn’t in a relationship for a few years before we got together. Would anyone have some insight into what may be a contributing factor/s or if they have experienced the same and have any tips to help me out it would be muchly appreciated
He might be nervous for some reason as I know I sometimes struggle when I'm nervous. Maybe he just needs things spicing up. To you everything you are doing might seem really exciting and erotic, for him he might have already done all these things for years and doenst find them exciting anymore. Try some different positions and maybe relax things in the bedroom, if you are not so keen on giving him oral sex or anal sex that might be what he is looking for. You can try talking to him about it but I know this is sometimes easier said than done. Hope you sort it out.
age could be an issue here , as we have no real idea if the chap is 30 or 80 perhaps give us an idea of age having an illness such as diabetes can have an impact, is he fully healthy with no issues at all Has he seen a Dr? Has this happened to him before I suspect as you mention age gap, you feel this maybe an issue , but again we have no idea if significant is 5 years or 50 years
He might have lost his desire to be intimate with you, and there could possibly be something turning him off but he's not telling you.
I am 22 and he is 46 (please no judgement). I shall definitely talk to him regarding spicing things up or if there is something he desires that hasn’t been done. Anal and oral is not a problem for me but I might suggest or ask if this is something he would like more of. I know he does enjoy both of those things. He is fully healthy. He has spoken to his doctor only regarding viagra but he is nervous to talk to a doctor about the finishing situation. I’m not too sure if it is a loss of wanting to be intimate with me as this has happened since the beginning of our relationship. He has told me that previous relationships he had a problem of finishing too quick but this situation has never happened before and is new to him. I know that for the long period of him not being intimate with anyone he would only stick to porn so could this also play a factor? I know that he has done some different assortment of drugs before he quit. One being marijuana and one being a heavier substance so could this also play a role in this situation? I appreciate all your comments. Thank you for helping.
Wow, if he's already getting the things that most men desire and enjoy the most, I'm not sure how a lot more can help. Hey Angel, there's no judgement on my part about the age difference between you and your man. All of those other things you mentioned that could possibly be wrong, definitely are affecting his performance. I think Jamie has the right advice about spicing things up (romance, foreplay, etc.) Hopefully he's forthcoming about what His turn ons are, and his turn ons are within reason. Maybe he needs to know what turns you on as well. Encourage open and honest communication, Angel.
I don't think age is a factor, it could be but man it's age related get his prostate checked out. I'm just a tad bit younger and still have the libido of a 18 year old (which is only good at the start of relationships lol most women grow tired of 3 or more times a day once the "newness" of the relationship wear out. I've had issues with women before, usually the longer in the relationship it can just get boring. Do you know if he's masturbating at all? If so and if he can get comfortable around you pop on some porn (whatever does it for him) and give him some foreplay while he watches, who knows maybe there is a kink he just hasn't uncovered. I sometimes use porn as a cheat when getting oral if I know my partner doesn't want a 20 minute session (speeds things up). Don't know about viagra but doesn't it prolong things and make it more difficult to finish?
If there is a problem with the prostate is this something could effect it? I’ll definitely bring it up when I communicate to him. Even when the relationship was new and couldn’t get enough of each other it was happening or more or less not happening. I have asked him how often he masturbates as I’m curious and enjoy hearing about it etc and he told me he doesn’t do it much at all. Maybe once a week but before I came into the picture he would do it 3 times a day roughly so I am kind of hesitant on him only doing it once a week. He said “why would I need to if I have you”. But every man does it I’ll definitely give the porn a go. I know he really enjoys porn but we haven’t incorporated it too much but it’s worth a shot. Well he can go soft while we are in intimate time or foreplay so he has used viagra before but I wouldn’t say we use it much at all. I’d say we’ve only used it twice. He will sometimes use a ring to aid in staying hard.
In my 20's I had a prostate issue that docs couldn't figure out for months... it cause me to not get hard or if I did I would just finish in seconds... long story short by the time docs figured it out the girlfriend had cheated on me and I had kicked her out. I know his situation isn't finishing too early but men over 40 are supposed to get checked annually so I wouldn't rule it out. Once a week, I'd go insane, he could be embarrassed to tell you, heck I don't know maybe he thinks you would feel disrespected if he did it more? I can only speak for myself but it's rare I don't do it at least once a day regardless if I had sex that day or not (unless of course she's good to go more than once). I hesitate to bring up the age because you seem sensitive to it but you are two different generations and he/we grew up in the Aids scare, I've had kinky, freaky partners of all ages but the 30ish and younger women as a whole seem to be more sexually liberated than say 35 and up again it varies person to person but ya'll are lucky to be born when you were.
Thank you so much for shedding light on that. I’ll definitely look into it more. I don’t think he has been checked so I’ll bring it up with him next chat we have. And I’m sorry to hear about what she did to you. Cheating is a terrible thing and really angers me. I see it so much even with people close to me Well that’s why I’m hesitant. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest I would just rather know so I know what I’m working with and how I can help to the best of my ability. Going from multiple times a day to once a week just doesn’t sound true and I guess like you say he might not want to disrespect me. You can ask about the age I don’t mind (I’ve just had some negative stigma from people which can be upsetting.. people are so judgemental). We are two different generations so I think he is used to woman not being like me per say (some of his exes were also not so nice and a few cheated so that has given him minor trust issues and insecurities and he assumes sometimes that because I’m so young I will get bored and leave or cheat but he knows I wouldn’t do such a thing). I’d say we both have a few kinks and have shared a lot with each other about what we’ve experienced but I believe I am more open than anyone from his past. Some of his kinks or experiences he didn’t share with me for quite some time or even altered the story until he finally came out with the truth.
