Sexual Manifesto Interview with Ms. Sharon R. Stewart, a reporter from the weekly ’Fun Times Magazine’. WARNING! This article is about SEX . Some individuals may find it inappropriate, therefore, readers discretion is advised. Furthermore, I’m not advertising nor selling anything. I am not a doctor, sex-therapist or psychologist nor I ever pretended to be. However, reading, listening, talking and years of experience of ‘research’ as I call it on the field gives me a broad view on the subject of sex. I’m not an expert nor an authority in the love department. You may be. But, hey! If nurse Sue Johanson can give advise on the TV show ‘Sex Talk’, so can I. Please, don’t write me e-mails telling me I suck. I don’t care. Also, save yourself some time and energy because nobody cares what you think anyway. If you agree with me on the principle than that’s just fine. If not, big deal! So, hear what I have to say if you don’t mind. If you do, ‘move over Beethoven!’ There are people who would like to listen. Where do we start? I sound like Sara Jessica Parker’s character Cary from ‘Sex and the City’. The journey of a million miles starts with a first step and I’ll take the first step. I'll start a soliloquy and as you read on you will discover yourself and then you can ask me anything. And when I say ‘anything’ I mean it. My name is XYZ. I’m middle age, American, Caucasian male and sexually active. I have a very healthy sexual appetite or sex drive whatever you want to call it, and I love women. I mean a lot. Women love me back. Sometimes. And, I had a lot of women from around the world. I guess that's why I became so good in Geography. Although, I never dated an Eskimo, Native American Indian, Aborigines or Albanian woman because I was all over the world and fortunately or unfortunately I never lived in Albania, Alaska or Australia. Whereas, in my hometown where I was born, I was too busy studying fat books at a local university library. People thought I was going to devour the entire library. I do read a lot; I love knowledge and constructive dialogue; I have a voracious appetite for reading just about anything and everything, science, art, politics, religion, philosophy, Playboy, Hustler, Jugs, Screw or any articles on the Dick section of a public library about G-spot, Wet Dreams, Erotic Fantasies and/or Female Ecstasies. True, each woman is different just like each man is different. Whenever I am with a woman I feel different depending how she treats me and her entire outlook on life, sex, happiness, rain forest, global warming, world-peace. etc. One thing is for sure If you don't like laughter, than you don't want to be with me. I would try anything for fun once, twice if I like it. I’m opinionated and outspoken and never afraid to speak my mind. Mr. XYZ, the perennial one, a reader would like to know: Q: Does size matter in sex? Hm… Sharon, I better choose my words carefully here because I don't want to insult anybody. Size matters, but ultimately It’s not the size that matters but the motion of the ocean. Some woman say sex feels better when man is big but that’s not all. Besides, what’s the point of being Mr. Big when you don’t know what to do with it. Ladies am I right? Can I have a show of hands, please…..See what I mean? Thank you. Also, vaginal intercourse is only one way of reaching for the stars and exploding in a wild orgasm. According to the book of Kama Sutra, which is my Bible as you can imagine, there are so many ways woman can be satisfied. Doing it continuously only one way gets boring. You are suppose to be creative. Use your galloping imagination to spice up the sex life. Try different things, human bufe, chocolate sauce, cherries, whip cream, hot wax, chains, whips, leather or handcuffs. Whatever you fancy. Anything goes. Whichever direction the wind blows. You may discover pleasure trips you had no idea existed. Every woman and every man deserves an orgasm. The joy of sex is unlimited. Q: How important is communication in a relationship? Communication is of utmost importance. It’s the bedrock of a solid relationship. A relationship devoid of communication can not survive indefinitely. It’s like being with an autistic spouse. You should always tell your partner what you want, where do you want to be touched, and how often, etc. The prelude to sex can last as long as you want and it is always fun, …fun, fun, fun. Once I had Marathon sex with a Japanese girlfriend for 17 hours. We traveled to our inner self and outer Galaxies. Nirvana and Milky Way was just a day’s trip. We went back and forth and in and out numerous times. We were in a world of our own consumed by the fire of passion. We had jungle sex. We didn’t venture outside our love-nest at all that Saturday and we were hungry for more. I think for dinner we ordered Chinese take-out if I’m not mistaken. It was not the MSG that did it nor the Turkish Viagra. We didn’t use anything as a mood enhancer. It was just us in a room with plenty of H2O, fruits and New Age CDs. Q: How important is sexy body in a relationship? A person with a sexy body is hot. No doubt about that. Men or women with nice bodies look good and they feel good. Tits ‘n’ Ass or washboard, 6 pack - If that’s what you want. Mind you, there are people who are attracted to other things in life, such as money, power, intellect, etc. We get turned on by many things in life. Anything can be an aphrodisiac. In the Western world for an instance, a man with grey hear may be a sign of distinction and look sexy to the opposite sex. Whereas, in some African tribes, hair is meaningless because they all cover their heads with cow dung as insect repellant. Females in those villages find sexy and utterly irresistible men with a large plate-lip. We are all different. ‘Viva le Difference!’ Of course beauty and appearance matter up to a certain degree. I do believe, though, in the long run beauty fades away and it is the personality or the person inside that matters the most. It is definitely not attractive a person over 375 lbs. It’s not just unattractive but also unhealthy. When a person becomes morbidly obese, sex disappears. Some men grow tits and some women become oval. Sex is out of the question. I’m not saying obese people are incapable of having sex. If you don’t believe what I say, just watch ‘Fat liners’ porn video and you’ll see what I mean. Once upon a time I knew a guy who had a short and overweight girlfriend. She looked like a big circle ‘O’ I asked him whether she was too short for him. He said, 'Hell, no!' When she goes down on me I rest my beer on top of her head.' Q: Do you consider to be a lady killer, a 'Casanova or Don Juan'? You mean the movie ‘Don Juan de la Marcos’ with Jonny Depp? OK. Never mind. I get it. No, I don’t think so. I’m nether ‘Casanova’ nor ‘Don Juan’. Although, according to a school of thought, I'm quite popular with the ladies. On the other hand, there are some people, men and women, who say, 'Piss off! That's total rubbish! He’s so full of it!' but they mostly come from a remote island of New Zealand, what do they know? Q: Are you a‘ Stallion‘? I mean, are you really, really good in the sack? I hardly consider myself a 'Stallion'. I’m just an average Joe. Where did you get that? But then again, my 'modesty' doesn’t let me brag. However, let me just say this: Once, I was dumped... by a woman... during sex. I could not believe it. I never thought it could happen to me. I knew the Berlin Wall would fall one day but a woman to dump me?! You could have knocked me over with a feather. She hurt me. I was crushed. I quit my job, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I started roaming aimlessly the streets of New York City but I mostly took the usual rout. What was I supposed to do but swallow my pride and pick up the peaces of my broken heart. Later down the road of life Lady luck smiled back on me. I met another woman who called to wake me up at 2 a.m. one day just to tell me I was her greatest beef-cake, lover, boy-toy and she never enjoyed sex with anybody else as much as she enjoyed it with me. I was on top of the world again . Go figure. There is absolutely no way you can please everybody. Q; Which women loved you best? All of them. I had fun with all of them. Regardless of nationality, race, religion, shape or size, etc. Q: How many women have you had so far? I don’t know. I never keep score. I never etch numbers on my bedpost. I read it in one of the British tabloids that David Beckhem dated a 1000 ladies and married Victoria # 1001. It made me laugh so hard. I’ve dated a lot more than him and I’m not even a soccer star. Q: Do you watch porn? Occasioally. Depends from my girlfriend. Yes, I do and I make my own videos. It’s fun. Totally consensual. If you want to volunteer, just take a number, have a seat and wait till I call you. Don’t forget to bring a valid I.D. You must be above the age of 20. It’s There will be a valet parking for your convenience. Everything perfectly legal. It’s the Policy. I don’t make the rules I just follow them. There is nothing wrong making a video of yourself during sex. We are consenting adults. If we both want it - Why not? Who is to say no?! Q: Have you had a threesome? Many times. Only F-M-F ratio, though. It has to be the right partner, right mood, right place and all that you know what I mean. Was it fun? You bet. We all had fun. We never wanted it to end. And it didn’t. We did it again and again and again. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Would you like to join us? The more the merrier. Just let me know so I can start working on the plot. Sharon, there has to be a plot. You can’t just hop on my bed. Q: Are there benefits in sex talk? Of course there are. That's why people pay to listen to me.(lol) And, always, feel free to call my hot line 1-800-FUCK-YOU! Reading, listening, talking about sex is educational and therefore beneficial. It’s a very healthy approach to a relationship. Knowledge is power. Power is an aphrodisiac. Remember, one should never subdue ones emotions or sexual feelings. Because that in itself is very unhealthy and utterly detrimental. It leads to withdrawal from the circle of friends and the society at large. Being cloistered in a nutshell brings an array of other problems such as but not only anger, guilt, resentment, sexual frustration, self-deprecation, depression and that is the worst that can happen to an individual who is confused and emotionally empty or drained. In those cases some people even contemplate suicide. It’s always good to have a friend, therapist, priest or a confidant that you can trust, confess and open up. Talking over things is the best therapy. I’m here for you. ‘I’m Dr. Frasier Crane, and… I’m listening….’ ( A line from the TV show ‘Frasier’) However, next time we’ll negotiate how are you going to reimburse me. And offering to sleep with me is not going to get you off the hook. Just to remind you, I accept VISA, MUSTER (not Master) AMEX and NO K-Mart Card!…( Kidding!J ) Q: Do you think marriage is the solution? Solution to what? Marriage is never a solution to a problem. If there is a problem in a relationship, you have to pin point the problem and take care of it. Eliminate it. Then you get married if both of you so desire. You can’t start the journey of life with a problem hanging over both of you. Marriage is a wonderful thing when a couple, regardless of sex or sexual orientation, join their hands in a holy matrimony. Marriage is a sacred institution. However, at this day and age, love and happiness is everything. If you are not sure about marriage or/and whether you are in love or not. I say don't. It's a honey-trap! You'll regret it for the rest of your life. Take your time. Think it over. Do some meditation. Talk to your Rabi, Reverend or whoever you feel comfortable talking to. Pick up the phone and call someone. Maybe you should give yourself more time and space and explore your inner-self. What do you really want in life? I mean really, really. What turns you on? What’s the rush? There is one life to live. If marriage, husband/wife, kids are not important to you then why rush into a marriage head on. Only fools rush in. There is nothing worse than to be caught up in a loveless marriage or unhappy one. I knew a woman ( maybe you are the man) who hated her husband, kids and herself because she was so confused about her life caught up in a seemingly ’ normal marriage’. She was not happy. Period. It sucks! It can tear you apart. If you are not sure about having kids. Don’t have them! Get a dog first. If you get tired of the dog, you can get rid of it. If you have a kid - you are stuck with it. If one day is too late and you just realized your nuts have shriveled like sun dried tomatoes, you can always adopt. I've been there I've done it. I got married and divorced. Same mistake TWICE. Relationships are meant to be easy but they’re not, they are complicated. That's why I'm giving advise to you. And you better listen to what I say. We all have different opinion how relationship should be. Personally, I didn’t want to have kids because I was too busy having fun. Shuttling between school, job and career was more than I could juggle. It’s hard keeping three watermelons under your armpit. Besides, I never had an inclination to rock the cradle. Fuck it! Having kids nowadays is too much of an investment and you gain very little in return. They cry, they scream, they eat and poop non-stop. They constantly demand attention. I just could never bring myself to it. I’d much rather be in Bahamas on a hammock under the shade of palm trees enjoying the sunset. I don’t regret it at all. As a matter of fact, I’m glad I don’t have kids scattered around the world like some people do. Who wants alimony, please. I’m single and happily divorced. I have a long lasting relationship with my beautiful girlfriend, we are happy and both love it this way. Like Oprah and Stanly, her long time boyfriend. Whatever may be, so be it! Q: What can you say about Men and sex? Some men are clueless when it comes to sex, woman, romance, flowers, feelings, etc. Some men want their wives barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen slaving over a hot stove. And, they are happy as a clam. Others, all they want is dinner on the table, a wink, a blow job or quick sex and they want the woman to do all the work before, during and after sex. Once they get what they want, they roll over and go to sleep. That's it! Mission accomplished in less than five minutes! Wow! Do you know how pathetic that is? Let me ask you this: Do you know there are men who don’t know woman can have an orgasm? There are. In every culture. A sex-therapist ( Not Dr. Ruth) at the hospital I work over lunch once said there are ‘educated’ people who don’t know how to have sex. A woman once called to ask if she could get pregnant by swimming naked in a pool with her boyfriend. Can you imagine that?! I say those men/women should not be given a chance to have sex with a real, live, breathing, human, male/female. Never! Ever! Ever! Only a plastic inflatable doll! Until they take my crash course in ‘The ABC of Joyous Sex’ ,‘Sex 101’, ‘The Art of Cunnilingus‘ by Lawrence of Labia. Don't forget: This week I will be passing flyer's at a 'Hooters' near you. So, come over and learn everything you ever wanted to know about sex, orgy and happiness. Let the part begin. The birds do it; the bees do it;I just did it.Do you do it? If your answer is yes, do you think you doing it right?! Stop by and find out. You'll be glad you did. Q: Do you take performing drugs? Are you kidding? Never! Never, never, never…I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, I never drink alcohol (Remember, I’m a Muslim!). The body is a temple. I eat right, exercise religiously 5x a week and coffee is my only vise. I love tea on occasions and all kinds of it, Turkish, Chinese herbal, Argentinean Mate. I ran two NYC Marathons and 14 L.I. Half-Marathons. I ran the coldest NYC Marathon in history and my best time is 3:45 min. My ex-wife was a doctor and she always used to say,‘ the Medical science should study you as a very unique specimen. You amaze me.‘ Yup, that’s me! ‘Amazing Idriz!‘…(lol) We just used to laugh it off. That’s all. Q: How important is a life partner? It's very important to have a partner who understands you, compliments you, not who drags you down and chokes the talent inside you. The one who shares same values and views with you. We all have different needs and desires. Right? We all have needs to be fulfilled. There is much more to life than just hopping into marriage, kids, house, mortgage and watching TV for the rest of your life. There is much more, a lot more, trust me. Q: What about libido? What about it? OK. OK. I’m just pulling your leg. Let me enlighten you. Men peak sexually between 17 - 27 years of age I believe. ( I hope I'm not wrong. I hate to be wrong.) Whereas, I think, women between 28-38. However, not all men/woman are the same. Genes, food, exercise, emotions, stress, drugs and alcohol, all have a direct effect in lovemaking and how often you can reach orgasm or multiple orgasms. The more sex the better. Unless your doctor for some obscure reasons indicated otherwise. You have to agree with the medical professionals. I don’t think is such a good idea having sex right after you had a triple bypass. After that, yes, sex is a very good cardio-vascular exercise. Going down tastes good and you don't gain calories. I had a Swedish girlfriend once who told me a saying. She said,’ In Sweden we say ‘Sex Helsa, Helsa Ofta.‘ Translation: ‘ Sex is health and have health as mush as you can.“ Hm. I like that and that‘s why I remember after so many years. She was 27 and very sexual, very uninhibited, very orgasmic. I feel I've learned a lot from women. Some women taught me more than others, though. I think the learning process is mutual. True story: I dated a beautiful woman from El Salvador once. She was very bright. When she went back to her village in a coffee-plantation, she told me she was asked by peasant women about our lovemaking style and how often Gringos did it in Estado Unidos. ‘They were very curious to know,‘ she told me. Honestly, I was pleasantly surprised to hear about it. ‘They were very interested and eager to learn and that made me very happy in return‘ she said. Hearing that I couldn’t have been any happier. It made me feel I was spreading the seed of love and joy. Love is peace. When people make love they don't have time to wage war. Remember the slogan, ‘Love is Peace’, ‘Make Love Not War‘? Q: I’m getting hot. Is it hot in here or is it just me? You ARE hot! I noticed you having hard time writing on a straight line. Sharon, let’s take a break and talk some other time. Q: May I ask you for an autograph? XYZ: Only if you let me sign your lacy bra. Sharon: I’m not wearing one. XYZ: I noticed. Sharon: So? XYZ: I’ll sign it across your heart. Sharon: Do it!!!…. (singing) ‘Sign your name across my heart, I want you to be my baby‘…(lol)
