Sexual expectations..

Discussion in 'Love and Sex' started by MrMystery, Feb 23, 2019.

  1. MrMystery

    MrMystery New Member

    Hi Everyone,

    New to the forum and would love some help.

    Basically, I've been in a relationship for 10 years and engaged and wedding due in 2020.

    Over the past few weeks I've been trying to get my fiance to have sex with me, but it always seems to be a battle without her feeling frisky after a few drinks. (Not that I'm a fan of that btw)

    Now my sexual drive seems to be running a little out of control. All I want is rough, passionate, raunchy, hot sex and I know it's not going to happen.

    Over the years I've bought toys, restraints etc, but never ends up happening. She says that I apparently expect too much from sex.

    She says that when we get our own house (living with her parents Atm) things will change. But... I've got a feeling that wouldn't happen.

    I love my fiance a lot, but just feeling a bit lost and frusyrated at the moment.

  2. Deidre

    Deidre Follow thy heart

    Things likely won't change. If she lacks passion for having sex with you now, without drinks, it probably won't change if you get a new house, and are married. Marriage doesn't magically change behaviors that existed before you married the person. I'm sorry you find yourself here, but just keep talking to her about it. You've been together a while, you both should be able to be transparent about these things.
    dd788snipe likes this.
  3. MrMystery

    MrMystery New Member

    She is attracted to me, but it's more the loss of her inhibitions when she's had a drink and she has admitted that too me.

    I'm just a huge fan of sex and love the fun and intimacy.
  4. Jude96

    Jude96 Member

    What’s your approach leading up to having sex? How do you bring it up or what are your actions like?
  5. MrMystery

    MrMystery New Member

    I try to be passionate, slow, touchy feely. Then it's just like "not now, tired". I have been known to rush things a bit, but i've curved that a lot.

    She doesn't talk about her desires or fantasies maybe be they're only vanilla and mine can top hers, I don't know? She thinks that the 3 girls Ive slept with have been better than her, which isn't true and makes her feel less forward.
  6. bekkie

    bekkie Member

    Has she always been like this, or is it something new? It sounds like she's having self-esteem issues, but it's weird if it's just coming up after 10 years together.
  7. Jude96

    Jude96 Member

    Yeah based on the last part of the post it sounds like there’s something else that might be on her mind.. has that topic come up at all? If those thoughts about your past love life is causing her to feel like she doesn’t want to be intimate with you then seems like you could use some kind of a heart-to-heart talk.. get to the root of the issue
  8. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

    Premarital couples counseling. Go, now.
  9. Living with this woman for ten years, possibly less, in her parents home? There's the issue. She may have been schooled from childhood sex was something straight and private. With mommy and daddy in the next room she has a mental block that will not allow anything beyond simple missionary intercourse if it even goes that far. It seems to me that after ten years, and waiting another year plus for marriage, you should have her figured out. You should know her personality inside out and if you don't you better get on board. One thing is for certain, she will not open up much more than she is right now. If she was adventurous with sex she would be chancing it with you while mommy and daddy are right around the corner. So her excuse that having a home of your own doesn't cut it. If you love her accept her for her and all of her emotions. If you plan for BDSM and other sex games has been met with resistance expect the same forever. You have to make the decision whether you want this kind of vanilla sex life or not. Now is the time to do that. Not after your married.

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