I have been seeing this guy for 4 months now. A month before we started dating, I became a victim of rape and I was a bit anxious in the beginning about being intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. Although, when we first spent a night together a few weeks in our relationship it became apparent quite quickly I wasn't the only anxious one. He had been open with me before this night and told me he has issues with anxiety, lost his viriginity quite late and has only ever had three one night stands. He has never had a relationship (other than a very short one in his teen years) and has never had sex with anyone he cares about. We care a lot about each other, so this is a whole new experience to him. I am quite the opposite. I've never had sex with someone I care this much about, but I have known most of my sexual partners personally (on some level atleast) and there have been a lot of them. I was very slutty as a teenage so I do have a lot more experience and a lot more sexual confidence than he does. We are quite intimate with each other, but we still have not had penetrative sex together. I can see his confidence building everytime we spend a night in bed together, however he is still quite anxious. I have eased him into being comfortable enough receiving from me and he has built up enough confidence now to ask when he wants something from me. He never would have done that in our first few weeks together. I don't think he is overly confident about giving yet, but he is more comfortable doing so. Although his confidence has grown, he still seems quite nervous about having penetrative sex with me. We have spoken about it alot, and among other things, he always says he is worried he will disappoint me. Whenever we're alone together, he always ends up apologising for not being ready. I know that to some extent he feels like he owes it to me now that we've been going out so long. I have tried to explain to him that he doesn't need to apologise and I have been very patient with him. Unfortunately there have been a couple of times where I have pressured him and tried to manipulate him. I'm not proud to admit it. I don't want to put any pressure on him but I can get a bit impatient when I get very horny. For the most part though, I don't mind waiting for as long as he needs. We have a weekend break planned for two weeks from now. He told me last night that he is planning to make it happen again. I am a little worried he may be saying that because he doesn't want to keep me waiting any longer and because I paid for the hotel, he may feel like he owes me something. That last part is especially worrying for me, as I felt like I owed my rapist something and became a bit reluctant to protect myself when I needed to. For the most part though, I think he is honestly ready though. I have a few concerns: 1) Obviously I will talk to him before we go away and be sure he really is ready before we go. If he truly is ready, I would like any tips or ideas anyone might have for how I can make him as comfortable as possible. I am the dominant one in our sexual relationship (we our about 50/50 in other aspects of our relationship). I usually take control, but I'm not sure if I should do the same in this case or encourage him to take the lead and just give him guidance when needed? This may be a stupid concern, but I don't know if I should wear my sexiest lingerie that I know he loves or just wear comfy clothing, no make up etc, so the whole situation feels a bit laid back? Is there anything I can do for him to help ease his nerves? (Other than things like taking it slow, communicating throughout, etc.) 2) As I said above I can be a bit overbearing when I get very horny. Usually he will tell me when I am putting pressure on him and I will back off, but most of the time, this kills the mood, we stop whatever we're doing and we just cuddle. If he does need some more time, I would highly appreciate some advice on how I can control myself in these situations. 3) If after speaking to him, I feel he is just trying to please me and that he isn't really ready, then how can I convince him that he doesn't need to worry about him. I will stick by him for as long and it takes. Although he does know this, I think his anxieties and insecurities make it more difficult for him to fully believe it. Thank you in advance for any comments. I really appreciate any help I can get.
I was dating my gf for a month before we had sex.. when we did it , it was sort of the quicky oral introduction of parts and just a little penetration. wasnt til the second time we banged, which was about 6hours later.
