Sex is boring

Here is my dilemma:

I've been in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. I KNOW he is the one. There is no question about that. However, within the last few months, sex with him as become incredibly BORING. That's not to say the "excitement of sex" is boring. I want him...all the time. I still fantasize about him. I still want to enjoy sex with him, etc.
The problem is the actual act of sex. It's so predictable! We do the same positions, he last for the same amount of time (avg. 5 minutes), and I get almost zero pleasure from it. His excused is "I'm sorry, you just do that to me. I don't know why". I think that's bull shit and he's not trying very hard.
I rarely have orgasms. When I do, its from oral sex or self-pleasure during sex, even then, it take up to 45 minutes to have one. I've never been able to have an orgasm quickly. Congratulations to the women who can! :2thumbsup:

Anyways, I'm not sure what to do. I love him, I want to be with him, I want to be ON him, but I can't seem to "keep it up" after we get started. ...Sometimes the foreplay is even lame....

P.S. When we first started having sex, it was great! Exciting, fun, sexy, sweaty, hot, etc. It was definitely there.

 

Maybe he's lost interest.

 

He doesn't seem interested in you anyway. Sad as that is. Might want to suggest a sex therapist or some some talk between you both. I can get off really fast when a guy knows how to do it. If he didn't it could take forever and this seems to be the problem for you.
Does he cum before you usually? If so maybe you should cum first but after some foreplay for both and what ever else you used to do that he enjoyed but didn't make him cum so fast.
You want it better so you will have to tell him so. Nixing sex totally out of boredom will just make him masturbate and deaden the relationship so you need to do something if he is just doing it for himself so to speak. You want him and it's not going well. Maybe you haven't said anything like, Hey, lets try this because thats not working tonight, and he thinks things are just fine.
It usually takes me an hour or even more but that's because we don't just go to orgasm, I like to be brought to it slowly and sensually and I like getting him there the same way. A quickie without any foreplay is just that and only if we were pressed for time and wanted it that bad will I do that. Happens when times are busy but I seriously don't feel as good after as I do when we took our time.

 

If he's not even trying to please you, then he's NOT "The One."

You need to tell him that he's not satisfying you and show him what to do. IF he refuses, then tell him it's over. Do not settle for a selfish lover.

If he's not giving you orgasms 95% of the time, cut him loose. (I don't say 100% of the time, because some of the time, it will be you that prevents you from having one- if you are stressed about something or worried about something.)

 

I don't agree with any of these comments...

I think you've gotten in a rut that happens to a lot of people and the main cause is lack of communication. It constantly amazes me that while most people think about sex, they rarely talk about it, especially to the person they need to talk about it the most... their partner.

So... start talking about it...

First away from the bedroom... Set some ground rules... keep an open mind and be honest.

Talk about fantasies.. first just basic ones, like many that are listed on this site. There are some very imaginative people here.

Then talk about your own fantasies, and then ask about his. Write them down!!

Sext to each other during the day. Sex just doesn't happen when you take your clothes off and get into bed... Get it going early, and keep it going.

Read erotica. Even something like 50 Shades of Grey, yeah, I know... but it's a start and there is a reason these books have sold over a 100 million copies. Unless you have too, don't criticize!! There are tons of other erotic novels out there.

Look at erotic photos and porn. Tumblr has some really yummy boards.

Read and learn about sex. Never assume that you know everything. I don't care how old you, I assure you that you don't. There are hundreds of instructional websites on the Internet. Just Google your favorite word. You can also get some amazing information by getting Google Alerts.

Try toys, costumes, new positions, new techniques...

You can love someone and still feel bored with your sex life but there are lots of solutions.

If people put as much effort into their sex life as they do other things (buying a house, getting a job, having a baby), people would be much happier. We are not born knowing how to be sexy and how to have sex, it's like anything else.. we need to learn how.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxVKtNkQAtw"]Sit On My Face - YouTube

 

45 minutes without a break is pushing the attention span limits for most guys.

 

45 minutes with a female is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

Could it be two problems "working" together? You with low libido, not aroused for sex, therefore taking ''too long" to get there. He, too lazy and giving up on putting on all the work and ideas necessary to make it work for you.

Does that make sense?

That's not about blaming whoever. It's about analyzing one's own libido and motivation.

When for some reason I know it'd be really difficult to get me even
in the mood, like when I'm depressed, or stressed, or too tired, and my husband is horny, I give him a quickie, or a bj, so that at least he gets his. I think it's selfish to deny my man an orgasm. It also has the effect of not putting me under pressure to "feel" something l'm not feeling.

Are there things that make you feel really in the mood?

If he's lazy and your sexuality is such that your pleasure is high maintenance, you're incompatible. It does sound like he's lazy. l know the type, because my husband is lazy and not exactly creative.

Perhaps the only way to solve this is to demand a change. He can't be another person, but you could demand the kind of things you want and he can do.

In the meantime, groom your libido. Try to find things that get you in the mood and expose yourself to them.

I have a sister-in-law who's not very interested in sex. Now we know erotic literature puts her in the mood. Her sex life has changed radically. Now, she initiates sex. Before, she never did it.

Sorry for all the typos.

 

an honest conversation is very important here. Most foreplay and adventure will go a long way.

I met a woman a few years back that had not been with anyone for 7 years and no masturbation, she had to learn to relax all over again and at first it would take hours to get her to relax and have an orgasm. We worked on it and by the end of a few months she knew what she liked and what would work for her and she could get the first one in 15-20 minutes.

It goes both ways and as soon as one person leaves it up to the other to take care of it then it starts falling apart.

 

I'm right there with you. My girlfriend and I have been together almost 4 years, but the sex is awful. Too much predictability and she can't ever be bothered to initiate the act save maybe enough times to count on one hand. She refuses to share fantasies and is so dull I typically give up on the act 15 minutes in.

 

"If he's not even trying to please you, then he's NOT "The One." - "Do not settle for a selfish lover"

:iagree:
Seems like a total though brief abstinence may be required - to see if this may see the Heart ... and l'amour grow stronger (?)

 

I would recommend you read a book , like book 1 of 50 Shades Of Grey. This will help get your mind in a good place. Also play with yourself when you are home alone , after you get aroused from a book. Teach yourself how to orgasm, don't leave it up to him to get you there.

 

I agree about books.. there are so many erotic novels out there. Even older ones like The Story of O or 9-1/2 Weeks.... You can tons of choices for very little money as ebooks.... You don't need a Kindle or Nook, most have programs you can download to your desktop or laptop or cell...

 

watch some porn together, not kidding

 

Let him use toys on you. Talk about sexual fantasies. Pretend to be someone else, wear a wig and tell him to do with you whatever he pleases. Shower together and get touchy feely. I believe the foreplay helps immensly with getting in the mood enough to keep from getting boring.

 

My bf and I don't have sex very often but when we do it's really good! We are in a similar situation as you; we are together 4 years and I think he is 'the one' but we've been having problems in our relationship. Some of it may be about how infrequently the sex occurs but then again, that's never really been a huge issue with us.

But yeah, a guy shouldn't be apologizing for being a shitty sexy partner; that sounds kind of selfish.

 

I know it sucks to hear but seriously it won't improve, Ive been dating my gf for almost 2 years and its a continuous boring sexual encounter, blow jobs and i go down on her thats it, after that she tired and we don't even have full sex. were both busy etc but when we go away for a dirty weekend she's already sick before we leave and all we end up doing is sitting around like an old couple. then we get into a fight because she wants me to lay in bed with her whiles she's sick and I want to have fun. I enjoy sex with myself more.

people say you have to communicate but trust me that won't help for long, you can't spice things up when one of you loves sex more than the other.

What annoys me is she doesn't ask what I like and instead watching stupid sex in the city and gets her info from that :s

 

If it's so bad, why do you stay?