Sex Hurts, Due To Being With The Wrong Man

I love that!

Mine must be too haha.

 

Edit.

 

Are there any men and women out there that at least understand that the importance of foreplay and trust during penetration? I would feel better , if there's someone out there that gets it. It's upsetting when people just assume "medical problems!". Forcing your body to have penetration when you don't feel like it also causes pain. There are times where I only did certain sexual acts to appear "normal," but it didn't feel good.

 

I get it, its just that you are not really talking about 'trust'

Not going to be able to have anyone respond honestly, if you are not honest with yourself, especially if you yourself dont know what you really mean

 

I don't know... I mean for me I get it and I also don't. Foreplay is great and usually I prefer it. And trust and having a deep connection with the person is great also and I prefer it. So in that way, I get it. I haven't slept with anyone that I don't love, trust and have a deep connection with in a long time.

But the way I DON'T get it is in this way.... I mean this is just me though. People are wired differently (obviously) so just because I can be like this doesn't mean that I think it's abnormal that you aren't. But for foreplay....some times there just isn't time or people are tired (hey, I've been married a long time and have kids-sometimes it's just "let's do this and go to sleep"- prefer having time/foreplay but if it doesn't happen I can get into it quickly anyways and it's not physically NECESSARY for me.... and sometimes if I'm exhausted, it's not even mentally preferred. ---and as for the whole love/trust/connection/whatever thing.... in the past I never had an issue if I wanted to sleep with someone that I didn't have any type of emotional connection with at all- if I just wanted sex, it was just sex and I personally don't require some emotional connection or whatever to physically be fine with things.

But that said, there is nothing wrong with needing one of both of those things you mentioned and I can def see why they are usually better/preferable.

But as for things PHYSICALLY hurting.... well I mean if there's NO foreplay at all and someone just....starts... rough--- well, I'd say maybe you're sleeping with the wrong people if someone doesn't care enough to make sure they are not hurting you. Barring that I mean there are other physically issues that aren't sti's.... but def seems like sex shouldn't normally physically hurt if the "trust" (connection/love/etc.) isn't there. I'd say it almost sounds like it could be something psychological- like your brain trying to block out a previous bad experience or.....???? I don't know....cause I'm not you but maybe you can think about if there is anything there that it could be. You'd know best.

 

I get it. I have to have an emotional connection to have sex, otherwise I'm just super tense and can't relax which can make things painful. I just can't get into it at all unless its someone I really like

 

Oddly enough (or maybe it's not odd, maybe it's just that I'm not interested anymore) I also now wouldn't sleep w someone without an emotional connection. But in the past when I sometimes didn't care if there was one or not I was just saying that physically nothing ever was painful because of a lack of that.
That said, maybe, OP, the reason is just simply because, in those situations, you are getting yourself to do things you don't really want to do- like it doesn't seem right to you, like something you really want to do- but for some reason or another you do it anyways and the pain is your bodies way of telling you that you don't want to be doing it?

 

Huh? i'm confused about what you mean by "You yourself don't know what you really mean." I know how my body works, based on the facts and experiences. I've read a lot of information that supports my theory. I guess seeking validation is unhealthy, if that's what you mean. After all, this forum is filled with numerous posters that aren't certified sex experts. I respect your feedback, but I also don't know where you all are coming from. It makes sense that you all may not understand my path either. According to sex experts and doctors, my preferences aren't uncommon.


AT-Yes, I do have a trauma history where my ex in college was very rough with vaginal penetration, so my body started to associate it with being a horrible activity. When I use 7-inch vibrators, I can insert them with no pain or discomfort. Doctors have said, "If you can easily insert vibrators inside of you, that means that you have no medical problem." My ex-boyfriend in my mid-20's would bring me to orgasm, before he penetrated. Having an orgasm before penetration helps relax and widen the vagina.

Second, I was seeing a therapist that didn't understand why I found giving a blowjob satisfying and pleasurable. So, she told me to explore vaginal penetration with some guy that I was just getting to know. I explained to her that, "If I try to push myself to do something that I'm not ready for, it's not going to feel good. I find other sexual acts more pleasurable." She then said she never heard of a woman getting so turned on by giving a blowjob, which is what I was doing to this guy. I don't want to be rude, but I immediately thought, "This lady is an idiot. Does she not know that the brain is the largest sexual organ? " If our minds are turned on, our bodies follow.A week later, the guy I was dating revealed some unsavory and shocking things. So, we ended things and I told this therapist, "I told you he wasn't the right guy to fall in love with There was no point in exploring with him." I also found her, "I don't understand why you get so turned on by giving blowjobs. You don't get anything out of it" comment to be rude. I told her to go look online where men and women rave about how they love pleasing their partner. She just gave me a blank look.

I stopped seeing this therapist, because I found her unethical. I also felt like she was encouraging me to do an act that my body wasn't ready for.

My opinion is that each women and man is DIFFERENT when it comes to sex, especially when there are so many sexual acts to choose from.