Sex And Relationship Advice (Warning Long Read)

Sorry for the long read, but I think it is necessary to fully understand my situation.

So, I was raised in a homeschool, very conservative christian family where sex itself was a HUGE taboo subject. My family never gave me "the talk" and I did not even know how sex worked until I was 15 and saw a very bad sketch in one of my moms home medical books. I have had 2 girlfriends in the past, neither of them very sexually active, so my current Girlfriends is pretty much the first time I have had any sort of sex life; and it is with regards to her that I am here. I should also say, that due (I am assuming) to my very shut in and sexually repressed upbringing, I am very curious about sex, I want to try just about everything! Nothing is off limits as far as I am concerned.

Now a bit about her. My girlfriend grew up in a very liberal family, went to public school and has been sexually active for quite a while. She was into polyamory for a while before I met her, and has had many sexual partners (I have asked her and she never says, but if I had to take a guess from what I have picked up on, I would guess 20+).

My Girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now, and living together for 1. I really love her, she is a fantastic person, she is fun to be around, has similar interests, we get along together really well. Now, when we first started dating, she said that she wanted Sex 2-3 times a week and that she is very sexually adventurous; and the first few months were great, we had sex pretty much every time we saw each other, she tried more than just missionary (the only thing previous gfs would do) so I was loving it. Anyway, after about 6 months, the amount of sex dropped of significantly (she said due to being busy and not being able to see me as often), and then when I moved in a year ago, it was still at a pretty slow pace (maybe once a week).

I have talked to her in the past about sex, and she has said that she is open to trying anything, but so far we haven't done anything except 3 pretty standard sex positions. She almost never turns down my advances, however the only time she initiates sex is after I talk to her about never initiating sex and then it is only for about 3 times and then back to normal. She has said that she does not like foreplay at all and wants me to get right into the action. I can and offer to get her off every time we have sex (she can only get off orally), but a lot of the time she does not want me to, and pretty much just does whatever I say/suggest we do. The only time she ever requests/suggests we do something, it is Doggy style and I think she only suggests that because I get off very quickly in that position. I feel like she is not interested in sex at all and only does it because I want to, in the past she has said this is not the case. The last time I tried to talk to her about sex, she flat out said that sex is boring for her; and when I asked her if there was anything that she was interested in trying, she told me that she has already tried everything that she wanted to. This really does not seem fair to me, as she is my second sexual partner (the first really didn't count) and there are so many things I want to try; I mean you only live once and you are only young once so I want to have as much fun as I can before I cant anymore.

I really do love her, and I have thought that I she is the one. I know that she is happy with me and wants to marry me, and I know that sex is not everything in a relationship, but I do not want 26 to be the peak of my sex life and just do 3 positions and have 20 minute sex for the rest of my life.

I am just looking for advice from more experienced people! I am really at a loss here, I have talked to her in the past, and like I said she says she is open to anything, but will not give any suggestions; and I really feel embarrassed and uninterested in suggesting things when I know that she will simply say "ok" and only participate halfheartedly or laugh and "jokingly" call me a "perv".

Any feed back or advice is greatly appreciated.

 

To be honest, it doesn't sound like she is as in to the relationship as you are. I have had my fair share to fail, but if she ever laughed trying to hurt your feelings our called you a perv for being open with her about thing you want to try she isn't thinking of you. Personally if I don't feel a connection with my partner is when I usually back off from intimacy. Maybe that is the case, maybe not. But something doesn't sound right to me.

 

I agree with Becky.

I could be way off base OP, but your girlfriend reminds me of friends I have that talk a great talk when it comes to sex, but when it comes down to it they fall short. Maybe the people she was around in her past were really into sex, so she went along with it to fit in. Perhaps she felt that she had to engage in sex to fit the image she had of herself. Hard to say, as there is only one side of your situation being presented. You may not want to face this, but she is being honest with you. Unfortunately she is saying things you don't want to hear. She is bored with sex, doesn't like foreplay, etc. Why would you doubt her honesty? It seems like she is being pretty blunt about her feelings regarding sex with you. Listen to her! It hurts to hear it, so the natural thing to do for many people is try to downplay it. Don't. It won't benefit you in the long run.

As for being "fair" to you, your lax of previous partners/experience in no way obligates her to perform at the level you would like her to. She isn't why you led a sheltered life before you started dating, so don't try to make it her fault now because there is so much you want to try still, and she isn't wanting to. Sure, it'd be great if she lived up to the expectations she presented to you about her sexual appetite when you first started dating. However, since things have changed, and you are past the "honeymoon" stage, she probably isn't too worried about making sure you're as satisfied as you could be. It's called getting too comfortable. It tends to damage most relationships when one or both partners place a high value on sex, and their needs are not being met, or are flat out ignored.

Some couples do just fine when sex gets comfortable. You know, the once a week, maybe twice if its someones birthday or anniversary, lights off, etc sex life. They are content with the status-quo. Usually the person who is unhappy with the lax of sex, creativity, intimacy, or whatever is lacking, often ends up resenting their partner over time. Many will start seeking what their relationship lacks outside of their relationship. That rarely ends well.

Since you aren't satisfied with your current sex life, you are reaching the point when you have to start figuring out if loving her is more important to you than being sexually satisfied, and happy in your relationship. She doesn't like foreplay, but do you? She is content with once a week, but are you? If you are not in agreement (within reason) about the quality of your sex life, it is time to start working together to fix it (it can not be fixed by only one of you), or coming to terms with the possibility that the future may not be what you had hoped with one another. It is also likely time to take a long hard (meaning very honest) look at your relationship, and if the main reason you stay is "Because I love her!" you might want to talk to a good friend who will be honest with you, or a therapist (if that is something you are comfortable with).

I am not suggesting you leave her, or demand that she change her mindset (which will very likely only make things worse), but you do need to do something. In my experience, if at a year or two into a relationship someone's sexual needs are not being met, and it is bothering them, it's not a good sign for a long and fulfilling future with their partner. At least not without some major work being done on the relationship by both people involved. You;re too young to settle when you want more, and to be unhappy for the next 5-10-20 some years just because you love her. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but love will wax and wane over time, and you need a LOT more than just loving someone to make a relationship work well.

Sorry for the long post, but you asked for advice.

Good luck.