Three girls wanted to find out how they got their names. So they decided to ask their father. The first girl walks up and asks, "Dad why did you name me lily" and he said, "Because when you were born a beautiful lily fell upon your head." the second girl asked, "Daddy why did you name me rose" and he said, "Because when you were born a beautiful rose fell upon your head." the third girl walked up and said "Blahhjhfjhdsjhdsjbdjb" and the father said, "shut up Cinderblock!" ------- There were three men named Nothing, Nobody and Crazy. They all decided to go ice fishing, when they got there they made the hole and Nobody fell in it. Nothing sent Crazy to call 9-1-1. Some one answered and said "Emergency, what's the problem?" Crazy said "Nobody fell in a hole and I'm calling for Nothing!" The lady said "Are you crazy?!?" A look of surprise and curiousity went over his face and he said "Yes, how did you know?" ------- A Jewish boy goes up to his dad and says "Dad, I need to borrow fifty dollars." The father, shocked, replies "Forty dollars! What do you need thirty dollars for? Here's twenty." ------- Jesus is on the cross, and he calls out: "Judas! Judas!" Judas rushes up to him, but before he can get there is intercepted by the soldiers, who break both his arms and push him down the hill. Once more, Jesus calls out: "Judas! Judas!" "I’m coming, Lord!" says Judas and struggles up the hill, but as before is intercepted by the soldiers, who break both his legs and throw him back down the hill. A third time, Jesus calls out: "Judas! Judas!" "Yes Lord," Judas replies faintly, and he has himself towed up the hill on a little trolley. This time the soldiers don't stop him and he gets there OK. "What is it Lord?" "Judas," says Jesus, "I can see your house from here." ---------- St Thomas holds forth in the Upper Room. "I won't believe until I can place my fingers into the holes in His hands and His feet and thrust my hand into the wound in His side." Just then the Risen Christ enters. "Tom," Jesus says, "the boys and I have been talking, and we're all afraid that you're becoming just a little too weird for our group." --------
A Jewish boy goes up to his dad and says "Dad, I need to borrow fifty dollars." The father, shocked, replies "Forty dollars! What do you need thirty dollars for? Here's twenty." lmao
I like the third one! Two muffins sit in an oven together. One says to the other, "Pretty hot in here huh?" The other says, "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"
No offense to any Catholics who read this: The Catholics are extraordinarily evil. They invented Jesus; they set up Jesus to get crucified; and to this day they are still eating his flesh and blood.
If stretch limos are so wonderful,how come every time I see one some drunken prat is trying to climb out the sunroof?
