I'm 17, and very comfortable with the idea of settling down with someone at a young age (18-28). The idea of a secure relationship and support system, life companion, that sort of thing sounds great to me. I'm the type of girl who would be happy to find someone, date for a few years,move in together, get engaged by 22, get married a year or two later, and enjoy sharing life with another person. That's incredibly appealing to me. My friend on the other hand is 20 and can't imagine moving in with someone anytime soon and would rather spend his time with friends, going out to concerts, watching TV and playing video games. My grandparents on the other hand got pregnant at 18, got married at 19, and are still happily together to this day. So my questions are: -What do you think the best age (or age range) is best to start setting in with someone? -Do you think an individual who is high school or college age is ready for that level of commitment and responsibility? -Do you think couples who settle down early are better off or setting themselves up for failure? -What about arranged marriages? -What age do you imagine yourself, or did you, begin settling down? -What has changed about the dynamics of couples in the past years? Feel free to add any other insight on the topic
I met my girl when I was 13 and pretty much been with her since day one. I am almost 28 now. I guess if you catch the right person and you connect then settling down young is a possibility. I won't say we "settled down" because we've had an adventurous lifestyle since we were late teens. What I can say though is from my experience, when I was 18, ten years ago my outlook was different. I had different priorities etc. over time these change and what you want now might not be what you want in the future. There also comes a point I think most people go through where the start comprehending if they've done the right things in life. I find this a lot with men especially who settle down young, all of a sudden a realization of "lost time" creeps into their minds and unfortunately many at this stage had already committed to their relationship. And what this does is infuriate them with frustration until they come into HF or similar message boards posting dicky subjects about their fantasies and desires. Laci, you're such a young girl and you have a bubbly personality so I honestly don't think you need to really concern yourself with so much sometimes. By all means find a relationship, a long term one, but at 17 never think that the first person you connect with is Mr/Mrs perfect. The percentages of you finding your soul mate in the same school, city, state or even county is soooo far obsolete, I think your best option is to live life to the fullest and have fun. Hey every desire out of your system first unless you can guarantee your partner and yourself see eye to eye.
I think that statistically young couples may break up more often. That doesn't mean that young marriages can't work People who get married young tend to be poor, and poverty can put a lot of stress on the marriage. They also often get married because of accidental pregnancy, or otherwise get pressured into getting married. Beyond that, people who marry young may lack the maturity and the commitment to work through the problems that inevitably arrive.
well, it depends on the person. i've thought i was theoretically ready several times, and then a bit later i generally look back and think "thank god that didn't happen." there were one or two situations that i think i probably could have dealt with long term, but most of the ones that seemed like a good idea at the time really wouldn't have been. having spent most of my life in small towns, i see this a LOT. and, i also see a LOT of young single moms.
I'm not necessarily looking to settle down right now, I think it's more important for me to learn to be independent and find myself right now. If I don't have my half figured out, it's probably not the best time to bring someone else into my world I do see a lot of young couples these days, and it's almost always out of pregnancy. The baby daddy decides to wife her up for awhile, then realizes the lost time and runs off. Then you have a struggling single mom.
"Laci, you're such a young girl and you have a bubbly personality so I honestly don't think you need to really concern yourself with so much sometimes." That would be true, I do think a lot I enjoy thinking about different things and lifestyles though. Comparing one thing to another, seeking out the meaning or inner truth in things. I spend a lot of time in my head, sometimes too much
-What do you think the best age (or age range) is best to start setting in with someone? 25 - 26 for women, 34 - 35 for men. -Do you think an individual who is high school or college age is ready for that level of commitment and responsibility? A person could have all the book smarts in the world, but if they have a lower level of emotional intelligence, then they could never be ready to handle a mature level of commitment and responsibility. -Do you think couples who settle down early are better off or setting themselves up for failure? It depends on the maturity level of the people in the relationship. Every relationship is different, some couples settle down early and are together forever, other couples settle down early, only to find that the relationship fizzles out and doesn't go anywhere. -What about arranged marriages? What about them? -What age do you imagine yourself, or did you, begin settling down? I thought I was with the man I wanted to marry when I was 20, I think? Maybe 21? He didn't want to marry me though, and I left him when I was 25 and moved out on my own. That was the best decision I ever made, as I wasn't happy with him, I was miserable in fact. And I would have been miserable in a marriage with him. I met my husband when I was living on my own. We started dating in summer of 2011, and then he proposed in summer 2013. I was 28, he was 36. -What has changed about the dynamics of couples in the past years? I've noticed in my generation that people are waiting longer to start a family. I think in my parents generation, people would start to have babies in their early 20's. Now, people are waiting until their early to mid 30's to have babies, from what I have noticed.
I'd suggest that you live life a bit before even thinking about such things. Especially don't have kids until you've pretty much done everything that you want to accomplish in life, because after having kids you will become a parent and pursuing more education or achievements will be harder, if not impossible depending on your particular situation. I'd put off having kids for a very long time, if not indefinitely. After all, it's YOUR life to live.
"Married in haste we may repent at leisure". I can't recall where that quote is from, but it's worth considering.
As someone who had kids (was roped into having kids) at a young age....I'm going to say most of the time....it's a very difficult situation to manage. My first marriage was a train wreck! It started off well but I should have known that any bitch who will rope a guy shouldn't be trusted at all. Young and dumb. That doesn't mean it will be the same for everyone. Just saying that we thought we were ready, we loved each other, we would be together forever, etc. The person you divorce is never the same one you married.
with or without someone, i would love to have had a piece of land to play with from a relatively early age. someplace without building codes, or remote enough no one would give a shit if you followed them or not. in other words, someplace i could play creatively with building things in real life. you know, without offending anyone or getting in trouble for doing so. as for like raising kids, well you need to be young enough to keep up with them, but old enough to understand how your own examples as well as treatment toward them will be likely to turn out, but even more, to me, is that there's basically too many humans already. so the fewer you cause to be born the better. for which reason i support, though not personally attracted to, non-hetero relationships. (and just about any other way of reducing the human birthrate)
Like everyone said it really depends on the person, but in general, women are ready earlier than men, whoever wrote the 24-25, 34-35 age range was right on...however plenty of people can get married much earlier and end up being compatible for the long run...in my opinion, that's mostly luck and they end up having to go through a sort of "renewal" around the age range when they are both more ready and capable of truly understanding the commitment they've made, so it's as if they were just playing around having fun or having a trial run at responsibility and commitment before they realized what they truly want and who they truly are actually fits with the person they happened to marry. I don't care that much about divorce so if you wanna get married young and it doesn't bother you to get divorced later on, go for it, my only issue is that I wish more people understood how important it is to have children with someone who is "ready" and healthy and stable, etc. Because that's something you can't just divorce away. I think much more than sex education, we need relationship psychology education, so people understand who they're in a relationship and who they're making children with before it's too late.
