Setting limits

My wife and I are very happily married (20 years)and have an amazing sex life. We have recently been going to a nudist resort that caters to swingers/swappers in our age group.( 50-60’s). We are a very social couple. All that said, We are wanting to spice things up a bit. We have set some starter limits. One is my wife does not want to french kiss anyone. I agreed with her, Neither do I. I am not a jealous type and don’t mind if men caress and fondle her body. After all she is in great shape and has great body for 62.
We have not swapped yet and doubt we will, but want to explore some fantasies.
Question: What are some good limits to start with? We are taking baby steps.

 

When our MFM threesome was going strong (with a close male friend), we only had two cast-iron rules. Rule #1 was the I always had to be present when he fucked my wife. (No sneaking off and fucking her without me at least getting to watch.) Rule #2 was that, when he came, he had to cum as deep inside her as possible and not pull out until he'd stopped pumping every drop. (My wife loves the feeling of a cock pumping inside her and I loved watching his cum ooze back out of her after he finished.)

 

We started swinging well over a decade ago. @buzzgunner response is a smart one and let's you know that YOU and your wife get to set ALL the rules. If there is something very specific that turns you both on you should feel free to impose your will on others. After all, you are doing them a favor! LOL. If there is one piece of advice we can give you it would be that you should be prepared for change. We set a lot of very specific rules in the beginning and quickly discovered that they inhibited us from things that we really enjoy doing AND watching. Not that we don't have rules; we definitely still have rules and always abide by them. We are just suggesting that your intitial rules are likely to change and you will adapt. Just be safe and communicate. You will certainly have some fun!

 

Absolutely! IMHO, COMMUNICATION is the single most important thing you can do to keep your relationship happy. We had a few other "rules", but they really weren't Rather, they were activities that we all agreed we wouldn't do because they turned us off (or just flat grossed us out); things like anal sex (a definite "No!" from my wife and she had the final word), water sports, or scat play. Anything else was negotiable.

 

I don't get the "rules" thing, especially in MFMs. The only rule we had was that either one of us could halt the activities if we were uncomfortable. Once things got going we didn't want to stop. The no kissing rule floors me. She can suck him, fuck him, and he cums in her.......but no kissing? SMH. Watching them make out, kiss, tongues and all was almost as hot as watching them fuck. Our "third" was a good friend, and she was comfortable with him.....so was I. Kissing is a big part of her arousal......she could do anything she wanted with him. No rules.

 

The OP stated that the first rule they have agreed to is no deep kissing. Be assured this may go by the wayside in the heat of the moment. Often sexual pleasure comes in the form of DFK. If the kiss is exchanged between consenting partners then so be it. You can't rule out human emotions and the exchange of a slow soft tongue wrapped kiss with a sex partner opens human emotions of pleasure. IMO the kissing rule will be broken or altered quickly.

Here's some suggestions of guidelines to follow for exploring sexuality with other people. Number one is first and foremost place each other over anybody else. That's the key to having a relationship that involves others sexually. The most important person in all of this is your partner and the fulfillment of their pleasure. They're placed first and so are you. The added partner is second although important in the relationship but will not be involved in your lives outside the sexual relationship. Next is this. If either partner becomes uncomfortable discuss the issue and resolve it immediately. This is so important because having sex with others becomes a very intimate activity. Human emotions dictate this to be so, especially as you begin this adventure because there will be uncomfortable situations that will arise. Another guideline is being totally honest with yourself and your partner. If it is asked it is told. There are many scenarios that will prompt questions and answers. Some answers will be uncomfortable in giving or receiving but must be conveyed regardless. A few other areas of agreement are who chooses the sex partner, whether unprotected sex is an option, the level of emotional attachment to the third participant, and if you will share your arrangement with close family or friends. There's a bunch of other guidelines that can be made, tried, and accepted or rejected. It's all up to the principle partners and their comfort level in moving their relationship towards involving others sexually.

 

Yeah, that one is a head scratcher for me as well. He can shove his cock in her pussy, but isn't allowed to put his tongue in her mouth?!? WTF? My wife and our friend were "French kissing" long before they actually started fucking. It just seemed like a natural progression to me.

 

When we started we had a few rules, ended up breaking most of them. We started sharing hotel room with another couple. things started with being nude around each other, but still after a dozen or so encounters, we did more.

Wife still never got all the way with another man, until we went to a swingers party. And the couple didn't call it that, only because they didn't want people to know. But as long as no one is pressured into anything, things should be fine.

Nice to see an older couple willing to explore.

 

Jimandjan, Thanks for the feedback. We are doing baby steps at this time. Luckily my wife is fine with being nude around others and she still has a nice shape for her age (62). Men and women do look at her. I am in great shape for 66 with no beer belly. She is quick to say she is not ready to be alone with another couple. I think she sees me as the one that wants to go farther and she is having to slow me down some. I don’t think I’m ready to see her fuck another man, but wouldn’t mind seeing her give him a bj and for him to lick her. She is a very OCD person.

 

I think the no kissing is a good rule. Maybe no oral sex. My husband and I had rules starting out. They were broken fairly quickly

 

I'm involved in a cuckolding thing with my roommate and his wife.
We discussed rules and only have two concrete ones.
1. None of us can play outside the circle for reasons of STDs (we don't use condoms).
2. My roommate must always be aware of each encounter between his wife and I.

We have also discussed what would happen in the unlikely event she became pregnant. I'll omit the specifics but it was good to get that out of the way.

 

As I am the OP, Setting limits was in consideration of my wife. In these situations it is all about the woman and not putting pressure on her to do anything she is not comfortable with. My wife is very loyal and devoted to me. She is venturing out of her zone for me. But she would pull back quickly if pressured. She has agreed to allow other men to do touchy feely with her if they ask. I know these are baby steps, but that is where we are. She is a desirable woman that loves to be naked.
What other step would you take in this case?

 

You could not involve penetration if you're taking baby steps.

 

That is correct. She won’t go for that at this time. She will only allow some playful flirtation fingers and lite kisses.

 

First thing is it's great you've agreed to explore your fantasies and set limits. That way you know not only what your own boundaries are but also those of your partner, so you can both relax and enjoy knowing no-one will get upset. No kissing is a great start. I'd suggest no full sex either, too much on a first go. Stick to fondling, groping, letting fingers do all the work, let him touch her intimately maybe bring her to orgasm. Let her play with him, stroke him, bring him to orgasm too. Then next time that can progress to a blowjob. Start slowly, and progress a little more each time. Gives you both plenty of time in between to discuss how much further to go each time. As I mentioned on another thread adult nudist resorts are excellent for you as there's always swingers and guests who just want some light fun.

 

Let me give a big thank for your response. You nailed. That’s exactly how we will proceed. I(We) want to keep our relationship in tach and at the end of it all be unified in our strong marriage together. I am lucky she has agree to do this much. She is an attractive woman, but very cautious.
I am open for others to give us some begginner pointers.

 

Our first was full on......no limits. All of the MFMs were the same with our same friend. They were all incredible. I've said it before......I don't understand the no kissing limit. She's sucking him, he's going down on her, fucking her and cuming inside of her......but no kissing? I just don't get it!

 

All good suggestions. As the third in some mfm 3 sums, make sure your new friend knows the rules and follows them. He may become impatient and want to go faster than you. I've had alot of rules given to me and it's the couples wishes so I follow. No kissing is very common. But I find that if I'm fucking her and she kisses him, her level of excitement goes way up and often she cums. Some couples want me to wear a condom and others do not. Play safe. All couples I've been with always play together. No side stuff. Except bi guys always want side sex. I'm straight and no bi stuff at all so that's my rule. No anal and no pee or poop is almost universal. I've never done a dp. Be honest with everyone and communication is key. Have some fun!

 

When my wife (gf at the time) and I first went to a swing club, we must have had two pages of rules. The day we actually went, she said it's stupid to have all these rules, how about whatever happens happens and we wont get mad? So we went with only one rule and it worked - if one if us wanted to stop or leave, the other one would with no questions asked.

 

My fiancé (now wife) started fantasizing about swinging. It got to the point we made plans, jumped in the car and were on our way to a swing club about 75 miles away. We talked a lot more during the drive about our limits. I felt she could do whatever she was comfortable with. She felt that maybe we'd just watch and if we got heated up she and I would have sex. Pulled in the parking lot and we both confessed that we were too nervous. So we went home and screwed our brains out.

We thought maybe taking baby steps instead of a swing club. We placed an ad online looking for a local couple. We received a lot of responses but settled on two and started emailing and talking. Fiancé and I agreed that nothing sexual would happen the first meeting. Met couple #1 at a local pub. While the wife was hot (and bi.....one of my fiance's fantasies) the husband was a zero. As much as we wanted the wife, we couldn't get past him. After a couple hours they invited us to join them in a hotel room they had reserved........we politely declined and never talked to them again.

Couple #2 was MUCH better. Both fit, attractive, and bi. I could tell my fiancé liked and wanted them both. So did I. Again after a couple of hours we bid farewell, but not until the wife kissed me, husband kissed my other half, and the wife kissed my fiancé. WOW......the looks we got. On the drive home my fiancé confessed that she didn't think she could handle me having sex with the other wife.......well shit! As much as I wanted to fuck this other woman, I was relieved that she told me ahead of time, instead of after the fact. Imagine my surprise when I called home from out of state, and fiancé informed me she was going over to the other couple's home (husband worked graveyard shift). We'd never discussed one on one meetings. Hours later she calls and said she's home. I asked a million questions, and she said it was enjoyable and different. I got all the details when I returned home a couple days later, and after stroking myself to the imaginary images of my fiance's first bi sex. After a few nights of questions/answers regarding her experience, she said it was hot, enjoyable, different.......but had scratched this fantasy off of her bucket list and didn't want to do it again. Even though the other wife called several times asking for a repeat my fiancé declined. Well Shit!
I've often wondered why.......was it not quite what she expected, or did she like it so much it scared her.

So we made due with several of our no rules MFMs with our friend. Turned out to be a win win for us. I wish we were still doing them.